aries: get the hell off my property before i blast you so full rock salt, you crap margaritas!
taurus: hey, see if they’ve got any pie. bring me some pie. i love me some pie.
gemini: you were wasted by a teenage mutant ninja angel?
cancer: on thursdays, we’re teddy bear doctors.
leo: driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole.
virgo: your half-caf, double vanilla latte is getting cold over here, francis.
libra: check it out. four score and seven years ago…i had a funny hat.
scorpio: zombie-ghost orgy, huh? well, that’s it. i’m torching everybody.
sagittarius: yeah, you know what? there’s a ton of lore on unicorns too. in fact, i hear that they ride on silver moonbeams and they shoot rainbows out of their ass!
capricorn: boy, you put your foot on my coffee table, i’m gonna whack you with a spoon.
aquarius: my name is dean winchester. i’m an aquarius. i enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky women. and i did not kill anyone.
pisces: please accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity.