i never really saw anything wrong with my eating habits. i deemed it okay for me to look at myself and hate what i saw, to eat way less than i should, to want to wither away.
but then i visited my mother. people complain about their parents being strict on them when they find out about their disorder, but i think i understand now. my mother cried to me about how she hated herself. how she couldnt look in the mirror anymore. how she didnt let my stepdad touch her. how she didnt want anyone to ever see her. how shes been trying for so long to lose weight, how shes starting to restrict her calories and how she gets mad at my stepdad for suggesting ice cream.
i wanted to cry. to shake her and scream to her that she’s beautiful, that she doesnt need to change or restrict herself from things she loves. that she can wear whatever she wants, that my stepdad thinks shes beautiful too. thats how your parents see you. they see their beautiful little creation hating themselves and it hurts them. i have never felt so hypocritical.
love your parents. i know its hard to recover forcefully, you dont even have to follow what they say, but please understand that they just love you and want to take care of their baby. dont hate them for it. they love you.