what broadway star could you beat in a fight? find out below.
Outcome: You’d Totally Win.
okay i’ll admit it: carol channing wouldn’t be hard to fight. she’s so wispy that she’d probably be out quick. but don’t worry, she’ll be fine once beaten. carol channing doesn’t need you. carol channing doesn’t need anyone.
this one could go either way. i mean, you could fight angela lansbury, but what has she ever done to you besides provide quality entertainment? do you really want to be remembered for PUNCHING ANGELA LANSBURY? yeah. didn’t think so. now, if she did get a hit in, she’d win no doubt. murder, she’ll write.
Outcome: Good Fucking Luck
you wanna fight ethel merman? do you hate yourself or something? she’d belt you out of the atmosphere before you could get a punch in. if you survived that (which you wouldn’t), i can only imagine how hard that woman could punch. you’d break in half.
Outcome: You’d Win But God, at What Cost?
why would you fight sutton foster? i mean, she’s so cute and innocent and has never done anything wrong in her entire life! like, WHY??? her best fight move is aggressive tap dancing, but thats no good when you’re throwing hands. godless, immoral, hands.
Outcome: Yeah Right
i know that a lot of people probably want to fight patti lupone. like, i kinda get it. i want her to punch me in the face. my question is why would you hope to win? i know shes tiny, but she’d sue you into andrew lloyd webber level oblivion, and then rip your mortal form in half. i’d avoid her. if (when) she does destroy you, be sure not to take any pictures. she’d just destroy you again.
Outcome: You’re Dead
i’ll be honest. like, physically, you could probably crush bernadette. but as soon as you actually get near her, you’ll be like “OH MAN ITS BERNADETTE PETERS” and fall over dead. i bet she’ll snap her fingers and walk away. thats just how bernadette rolls.