if you really liked your intrusive thoughts you wouldn’t be anxious over them, if you were really a horrible person you wouldn’t care enough to even wonder if you were. ocd can trick your mind into believing you like your worst fears, but the simple fact that you do compulsions shows that you don’t. joke with the thoughts and your anxiety will dissipate. don’t give the thoughts power.
also, if you feel like your having urges along with your thoughts, that is common for ocd sufferers due to the rush of adrenaline that passes through your body when you are anxious. the fact that you’re anxious is proof you are not your thoughts.
if you have sexual intrusive thoughts, it is normal to experience what appears to be arousal which can be explained by groinal responses. this is true for arousal during disturbing dreams as well. during sleep your brain pretty much goes haywire and i’m fairly certain anything of a sexual nature will get the body going and that doesn’t mean you have some hidden subconscious desire, freud was dumb anyway.
it is also very normal (especially if you’ve been dealing with ocd for a long time) to not feel anxious or like you’re repulsed by the thoughts because your brain has been bombarded so many times it has to protect itself from that constant stress and so it will “numb” you to the thoughts! this is so common and often a source of stress for ocd sufferers although it is one of the key parts of the ocd cycle.
you are so so strong for fighting this long battle against ocd. if you haven’t already and if you can, please try reaching out to someone you trust and try to get help from a psychiatrist and therapist. take care of yourself, this disorder is already difficult enough to deal with and you don’t need the guilt and/or shame that can go along with it.