You made up your mind and we ended up here.

When you made me feel that good, I thought it could maybe feel great.

My medicine makes me unsteady, but your grip was so strong.

I tried to kiss you and your true instincts didn't even react.

Are we ending or just beginning?

You loved a girl for 19 years and didn't even tell her.

What are you so scared of?

You're saying why can't we just be friends?

But you've got so much to learn about falling in love.

Why don't you be with someone who knows exactly how you want to be touched?

I think I could make you love again, I'm not hard to fall in love with.

And you're not mine, so far from mine,

But you call me pretty and for the first time I might believe it.

So maybe you're gonna be good for me, or maybe I'm just making up fantasies in my head about what could happen that never will.

But why don't you stick around awhile so we could figure it out?

what more can i get out of this life. how much more can this life take from me. i will never get what i truly desire.

it's nights like these where i want to travel to our past

take and send you pictures of the place we lost ourselves in each other, the place where we found our love

ill send you pictures of train tracks and the church we went to, you remember that night, we almost killed ourselves

you wrote about it before, but i had forgotten about it

now that im sober i remember that night,

i remember everything now

I 100% believe that the good I put out into the world will come back to me. I believe that and even if it doesn't what's the harm in doing it? I may have 12 less dollars but somebody gets to eat a hot meal for the first time all day, maybe all week.

i think

after what happened

ill fuck anyone

just to try to find someone who wants me and

not just sex

like he didn't

to be laughed at, mocked

is something i know all too well

giggles behind my back and tears in my eyes

the high shrills of my excitement shatter peoples ears

and i cant help but apologize for my happiness

if you think my voice is annoying, how do you think i feel to have to live with it

the way love looks is different now

but when i was 15, love looked like her

i can image us kissing for the first time

hip bones rubbing against each others

cheeks touching cheeks

your soft lips pressed against my glittery ones

your lips look like they would fit together perfectly on mine

i don't think either of us are ready for what's about to happen next

just wait and see how i make you fall in love with me

I have a scab inside my ear and i think of her every time it hurts because one time we were talking and she made me so nervous I scratched my ear until it bled.

why of all women do i choose you to want,

to obsesse over, to yearn for

is it because your hair falls in perfect waves over your shoulders

or that the back of your legs entice even the deepest of my desires

is it because you have the kindest touch ive felt in years, since the first girl i loved

if you want to could you maybe teach me how to love again

could you rewrite my story so im the girl who saves the princess this time.

i don't know how much our worlds could colllide without ending in disaster,

but i think the amount of love i have for you is worth a try

my beginning was not soft

i came from crisis,

i came from hands that did not hold me

with death in my lungs, i scream hate over love and death over mercy,

god, forgive me

im too young to be so tired, but im so sad that I can't sleep. cold nights alone leave me feeling weak. my heart no longer melts, it just crumbles

god, forgive me

i'm wasting my youth, im rotting away in my room while my old friends are living their lives just fine without me and I've drowned everyone I've ever loved and it feels like I'm drowning too and I'll never be enough for anybody

god, forgive me

i've never been good on my own, and i stumble every time i try to run till all the air is gone from my lungs

whirlwinds of words from suicide notes are built up in my brain, but i know somewhere deep down that life is worth living and love is worth giving

god, forgive me

i get so high my bones rattle in my aching body that hasnt slept in days. i thank the sky for the comedown. then go on living as if i hadn't just spent the last two days half dead.

god, forgive me

but god, please know that i'm not the same anymore. i've grown like vines up a wall. i am as precious as all the bugs i save and all the stories I've heard. i am as good as the next and better than the last. i forgive myself.

i choose to see the good in the world and in the people around me. it might be hard to see the light in all the darkeness, but maybe you just need to open your eyes a bit wider.

he's a mistake i'm letting myself make

please don't leave me

if feels like i just got you back

i still have winter stuck in my teeth

two summers ago is calling for me,

telling me i deserve better

artifical feelings keep piling up like roadblocks

i tell myself that this is love while i smoke more than he ever could to feel something

he's taking another shot while i'm begging him to come to sleep with me

loving him is like driving a car that's already crashed

like diving off the deep end when you know you cant swim

and how stupid was i to make his wretched body my home

to think that his empty heart could love my broken one

his blood made from the devils tears and mine of his

we're like vultures picking at what's already gone

he'll tear me up, break me in, and wear me down just to throw me out

every red car I see my heart skips a beat

and if he still wanted me i'd be his for the taking

im not even safe from you in my dreams

i kissed you in my sleep and all the memories came rushing back to me

we're trying so hard not to bend whats already broken