me: (googling) snake bite leg what to do
google: elevate and apply pressure
me: (lifting snake real high) apologize or else
an-earth-witch
This will be me in about 40 years.
I really hope I don’t have an epic fail today
doomy
me as a brain surgeon
Scott Anderson, aka Scott Floss
REST IN PEACE LIMEWIRE TEES
store 504.bigcartel.com IG: shotscott
Types of people: Hours of the day
02:00: Never seems to sleep. A bit self-destructive. Dark circles under their eyes. Longing looks. Dreaming of a better place. Always tired. Dark sense of humour.
04:00: Works too hard. Litres and litres of coffee. Lives off of instant meals. Talks too fast. Always in a hurry. Has big dreams. A bit clumsy at times.
06:00: Early bird. Bright smiles. Always singing under their breath. Sunrises. Making breakfast in bed for a loved one. Easily irritable. Wants to be friends with everyone.
08:00: Hard working. Knows how to balance out their life. Plans their day down to the last minute. Always in control. Not afraid to put people in their place.
10:00: Lazy mornings in bed. Wants to travel the world. Always manages to get the job done at the last minute. Handpicked flowers. Falls in love easily. Soft voice.
12:00: Sunny days. Bright smiles. Cares a lot about everyone. Wants to change people’s lives. Always trying something new. Tries their best to cheer up a sad friend.
14:00: Able to take a nap anywhere. Forgetful. Talks a lot or not at all. Hesitant touches. Doesn’t easily connect with people. Could probably change the world if they actually tried.
16:00: Snaps easily. Will fight you. Not afraid to stand up for themselves. Believes the world can be a better place. Wants to be the change the world needs.
18:00: Long work days. Always giving their best. Home cooked meals. Sunset picnics. Always manages to make time for the ones they love.
20:00: Only puts effort into things they enjoy. A bit of a pushover. Always trying to be better than they are. Thinks too little of themselves. Always there for everyone.
22:00: Always up for a party. Loud laughs. Doesn’t stay around for very long. Not quite sure what they’re doing with their life. Very passionate about everything they do.
24:00: Long, strange conversations. Believes in ghosts. Binge watching new shows. Lives in the extremes. Likes to spend a lot of time alone.
I was a member of a 60-person dance crew in Jacksonville. We were called D A N C E D A N C E R E S O L U T I O N: We Resolve To Dance. One day, Donkey Doug and I got into a fight because I’d framed his girlfriend for boogie board theft, so he started a new dance crew called hashtag DougLife and immediately challenged us to a dance-off. He said, “Meet us inside the abandoned orange juice factory at midnight.” That night, as the clock struck 12:00, me and my crew came together with a determination we had never shown before and slashed all their tires. It was dope. The end.
By
Jason Mendoza
