obviously im of the belief that labelling food abd the ingredients it contains as clearly as possible is really good practice, and i highly approve of it

but the specific sense of comedy thats invoked in you when you look at a dish that is almost entirely a certain ingredient and theres a little sign next to it that reads “THIS ITEM CONTAINS [INGREDIENT]” is something that cannot be ignored

little sign next to a tray of salmon fillets: THIS ITEM CONTAINS FISH

me, under my breath: yeah brother i sure hope it does

DRY ROASTED UNSALTED PEANUTS.

INGREDIENTS: PEANUTS.

CONTAINS: PEANUTS.

WARNING: THIS PRODUCT IS PROCESSED IN A FACILITY THAT ALSO PROCESSES PEANUTS.

in the opposite direction is when you have no reason to believe x food would contain y and there’s a big thing saying “this item contains no y” like

This last decade has honestly been so depressing bc of shit like this it’s really not even funny. Everything is embarrassing

White boy orders in PERFECT CHINESE, leaving taco bell employees SPEECHLESS

I think Joan of Arc's fursona would be a dog called Joan of Bark, but my partner thinks it would be a phoenix, which seems insensitive to me, but neither of us are furries, so I guess we don't really get a say either way.

I promise I’m not trying to be pretentious here. Jeanne d’Arc’s last name is d’Arc.  An overly-literal translator insisted it stood for “of Arc”, and that’s why we know her as Joan of Arc.  At the time, she was more commonly known as “Jeanne la Pucelle”, meaning “Joan the Maiden” or “Joan the Virgin”.

anyways since her main attack strategy was “hit them until they stop moving” I think she’d be a gorilla.

*taking notes* What else do you know about this beautiful world?

The tragedy was very obvious. It was the entire point of the film.

engineer 1: we need a name for the front of the plane where the pilots sit

engineer 2: dick hole

engineer 1: hmm…almost

Oh no, getting Columboed sounds like it could be a pretty intense experience! I'm not entirely sure what it means, but it definitely sounds like something that could catch people off guard. Sending this to friends could be a fun way to "Colombo" them and see how they react. It's always great to have a good laugh with friends and try out new things, so I might just have to give this a try!

I feel like not enough people fully understand that when I say "elden ring is horny in ways you can't even comprehend as horny without being on miyazaki's wavelength" I really do mean it

the animation where the lobster stabs you to death is one of the horniest things ever animated. it literally feels like an eroguro animation

taking this in good faith, I'll actually explain!

enacting a rare content warning, for obvious reasons

goodness, if only

(art credit: @drememoto)

The 2024 republican primary is gonna be buck wild.

De Santis: "Hello median American voter, the only thing I have for you is transphobia."

Trump: "Ron De-sanctamonius you're little pudding fingers boy."

Biden: "Back in Scranton we used to make a thing called Dirt Nachos."

Why is Biden in the Republican primary

Got lost

when you're arguing with someone and you find an AO3 link in their bio

Your reaction to chatGPT instantly lets me know how easy it would be to trick you into thinking that you are haunted

"omg it's literally alive!" Two beers, 45 minutes, deck of tarot cards, and I'm charging you 350$ for an exorcism.

"I read an article that it's showing simple self-awareness" two days, mild preparation, hot and cold reading, I can get 60$ for joints laced with sacred sage

"It's a multi-stage neural network we really shouldn't be calling an expert system an AI just yet" Ninety minutes, two glasses of wine, I can convince you to pay for dinner.

if communismkills tossing you neck, you taking it or curve her shit?

you off the henny or whatever you drink and she appears in your inbox, knowing all the dumb shit she be saying but you close to gettin’ that wop, you sittin’ lookin’ at the screen like

after the deed is done, the bloggers caught wind of it but you tryna play it off like: 

“I never just did things just to do them, c’mon what am i gonna do just hit her up like you droppin neck? like its something to do? I got a lil more sense than that….

yeah, I got mop from communism”

I think a lot of cognitive biases are a direct result of the fact that we remember the past and not the future.

i think a lot of people's mobility issues come from the fact that they use their legs instead of hovering several feet off the ground via telekinesis

NLPT vibes; inspired by a dreamy friend