@sunnysunflowers / sunnysunflowers.tumblr.com
shoutout to the lord of the rings lighting directors. bold move to let the audience see what's going on in nighttime scenes. i miss that.
Just last week I saw The Long Night (Game of thrones).
Actually, I didn´t see it, much
Check out my ongoing comic Crow Time. It has crows, and also neat pantheons of epic beasties.
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Dear A from the land of BBQ,
I haven't been able to catch you up on a lot of my random thoughts obviously due to my recent travels but this past week was particularly eye opening and painful and maaaaaaan.
TLDR: Self-awareness/growth is hard AND I OVERTHINK THINGS TOO HARD INSTEAD OF COMMUNICATING LIKE AN ADULT.
No need to respond/discuss it but I felt it would be good to talk/communicate these feelings to you so you know where I've been lately.
BTW this happened during the first 3 days of vacation and then I was able to calm down and relax finally throughout the rest of the week and collect my thoughts.
you know what gets me about lord of the rings? evil is defeated by people who choose to fight against it without possessing absolute, or even very much, conviction that they can actually win. all the converging story threads that lead to the happy ending are carried out by people who are far, far more convinced that they will fail than that they will succeed, who had only the frailest, most foolish hope, who had blind faith and frequently wavering hearts not peace or ease or certainty.
middle earth isn’t saved because no one faltered or came close to despairing or who sank to their knees in weary defeat. it’s not saved by pride or conviction or even strength. it’s saved because enough people do what they have to do even if they have to do it in the darkness. in the dust. with the ashes of hopelessness and bitterness in their mouths. because enough people took another step. Frodo, Sam, Gandalf, Aragorn, Theoden, Boromir, Faramir, Merry, Pippin. And many don’t. For every hero there is someone who gives into the “reasonableness” of despair—Saruman, Denethor, Grima, even Gollum—but enough. Enough people said “it doesn’t matter if we lose, I will keep fighting” and then they do.
And that GETS me. It is the most hopeful thing about the lord of the rings to me. There is so much that sums up its spirit, so many beautiful quotes and moments, but to me it’s never been the most famous of the quotes about hope and love that hit me hardest but a line from the films. Before the battle for Minas Tirith, one of the soldiers says “we cannot defeat the armies of Mordor” and Theoden answers “no. but we will meet them in battle nonetheless.”
And I—That is the spirit that leads to the conquering of evil when it comes down to it, when we’re talking about the part played by humanity alone in the fight against evil. Not the conviction you’re going to win, not farsightedness into a perfect future, not perfect inner peace or certainty. But acceptance of the real possibility of defeat, of that defeat being more the reality, the future, of your life than the victory, and then doing the damn thing anyway because goodness is worth fighting for even if you lose.
Its really easy for me to respond to things that make me happy but things that make me uncomfortable..... I JUST WANNA RUN AWAY!!!!
I already had nightmares last night about people from my past approaching me with their woes and burdens and I was like YUCK!! WHY ARE YOU APPROACHING ME?? I DON'T WANT YOU IN MY LIFE!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Got me thinking about how I had an IRL situation where I just didn't want to hang out with this person anymore.... and I just kept delaying it.... so I finally decided to respond to this because I knew it was gonna stress me for the rest of the day. Asked for some help because I definitely don't have the spine to tell someone away firmly... and then everything happened so smoothly!! I was so pleasantly surprised!!! OAO!!! I FELT SO FREEEEEE!!!
I feel more confident in tackling the uncomfortable things, day by day!!! Definitely loving my "no's" more and more hehe
I am thankful for all my difficult times and I am thankful for all my wonderful, joyful times. I can no longer linger in situations that pains me and if I get a chance to extend my help/services when I am able to, I will do so.
I will work on continuing to improve myself, keeping an open mind, and staying humble and grateful.
You know what,
I feel like I am starting to really understand a lot better about different seasons of general relationships and sometimes, if not most of the time, the only reasoning that matters is what you want and you better be there to back yourself up, in good and in bad.
I really really value personal growth and today I was really pleasantly surprised about a few things. One being that if you communicate the sort of changes you want, you give others the opportunity to either move away or rise up to the occasion.
Letting go and saying no is getting easier, bit by bit.
Still working on healthy detachment and personal focus but I always have help and support when I need it ;-; and I love that so much for meeeee
Ravioli Of Lying To God
“Spirituality does not have to be serious. You are spirituality. Fun laughter heal you faster than anything. Introduce fun back into your life.”
— Anita Moorjani
Get hot water, not boiling hot but almost hotter than you can stand, and put a metal spoon in it for a few seconds. Take the spoon and put it against the mosquito bite for about 30 seconds. Do it a few times if you like. The proteins that cause the itching are susceptible to heat and break down.
I think that we as a society should get more comfortable with the idea that sometimes our friends will be attracted to us and sometimes we will be attracted to our friends and nothing needs to come of that.
You don't have to date. You don't have to stop being friends. You can just keep hanging out. Self control and respect exists.
And sometimes you will date your friend and figure out that your dynamic worked better when you were friends. And then you can go back to being friends. It's really quite simple. Mature and cool, even.
Even requited attraction doesn't need to be acted upon. Two people can be mutually attracted to each other and still decide not to date or not to change the dynamic of their friendship. People who are dating can mutually decide it worked better as a friendship, even if the attraction persists.
Feelings are just feelings. Not all feelings need to be realized as actions. It's very mature and cool to still treat people like people even after learning about their feelings, whatever they are.
Crushes come and go like beautiful weather and you need not do anything but enjoy the lovely day.
I got into so many recent new interests and activities like archery, raves, cooking more actively, swimming, etc.... with the addition of my deep badminton obsession, I feel like I went from weeby indoors internet lurker to outdoors sporty raver LOL
I'm actually struggling to include weight lifting and beginning running exercise on top of my swimming and badminton activities... I just get so tired LMAO I really wanna go through conditioning training for increased badminton endurance.
I'm so glad I chose lasik > boob job cus if I had to start running around with extra weight on my chest on top of everything else??? NO THANK YOU LOL I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH BOOB SWEAT WITH MY CURRENT FRAME
fuck yeah for being able to see but this bitch still misses her birdies LMAAAOOO WHYYYYYY MEEEEEEE
On top of that, I sweat like I'm running under WATERFALLS and there is not enough ultra strength deodorant to release my nose and laundry basket from hell..... only 100% distilled vinegar can fight my clothes in the washing machine LOOOOL I DO NOT NEED MORE SUFFERING
super thankful for a flexible work life balance to make time for all my newfound hobbies and interests <3
@wafflehousecoffee absolute golden tags
If anyone has ever talked to me since 2017, you should probably know that every single change and growth I've been going through, has been pretty chaotic, ugly, lots of mood swings and great times, and joy with struggling so hard, I think I'm masochistic now.
Anyways, some vomit thoughts:
Only visit countries of my interests and for friends; don't care if you've never been to Paris, I've already been and I literally only like 3 people to go to any repeat places I've been to before.
Also, why the fuck do I keep caring about what food people are eating after I've already eaten my fair share and now that I'm older, I can't handle certain things anyways LOL STOP CAUSING ME PROBLEMS, ME.
Man, I'm not your fucking hand holding babysitter. Why do I keep following up with people that won't reciprocate back?? Reciprocation is like the big theme for me right now lmaaooo
Don't care to travel with groups or plan big events. I'm ok with doing things by myself, I need to think more about what I want. Does it align with what I want? Will it benefit me?
Why do I keep announcing things like when I'm free as if people will actively go out and plan things with me? See previous bullet point. The people who have always talked to me, planned things with me, etc, will know that they don't need an invite. Just do it!! JUST BE PROACTIVE
Gifts. Birthday gifts. Christmas gifting. Yo, I love gifting but in this economy.... and how I just keep giving to others while forgetting to give back to myself.... dial it back girl. I am enough just the way I am. My friends will understand as well.
GIVING MYSELF PERMISSION TO BREAK SOME PROMISES. WHO I WAS 10/5 YEARS AGO IS DIFFERENT THAN TODAY ME. I ACCEPT THESE CHANGES- FIGHT ME IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM.
Also I can/need/am able to drop some of these pretentious goals/promises I made to myself, especially if they're just holding me back and making me miserable.
