me on a date

date: did u like the movie??

me: i mean….it was good but not as good as captain america: the winter soldier (2014) directed by anthony and joe russo 

Wait y’all have morals?

anyways i will be okay and so will the girl reading this

I just wanna lay down and like have a tree grow through me

“Boss’s really riding me today.” (via)

i fucking lost it when she opened the fridge

A big mood

I missed this video

Keeyum.

@huffpc

Anybody else start getting just as mad as her when she’s reading the inane fucking incomprehensible texts. DO YOU WANT THE CAKE OR NOT GINGER

WHERE IS HER OSCAR

I need her to make me a cheesecake 😭😭😭

I love the “Mom is single but she’s sadly not gay”

*calls housephone and leaves a message* hello cats … how r u so far. sorry we had 2 leave u alone today…we will be back

Hate diet culture so much bitches will b like “don’t eat processed carbs they’re so bad for you” like and??? So what?? God did not give us grain and stone to grind it with for no reason. Bread is inevitable. Bread is food for the heart and the soul. U think I’m gonna give that up in pursuit of instagram fitness?? U think I’m gonna deny myself the simple pleasure of toast with jam so I can endlessly chase an ever-shifting standard of beauty that ultimately means nothing? In 20 years I will no longer be beautiful and in 60 my body will be vacant food for other, smaller creatures. But the taste of fresh bread? Of homemade donuts and still-warm pie? I will carry the taste on my tongue into whatever follows this life. So like. Stop telling me I should diet lmao. I’m not abt to martyr myself just to get a man to look at me.

Op genuinely thank you for this

are you fucking kidding me

i cant believe americans on tv really say rock paper scissors like???? its paper scissors rock omg do u irl americans actually say rock paper scissors????

rb this with whether u say paper scissors rock or rock paper scissors

me normally: linguistic differences are so interesting and cool! I love hearing different dialectal variations.

me, reading “paper, scissors, rock” with my own two eyeballs: the lord is testing me

lizzardbird

Me thinking this was just gonna be an embroidery video: 👁👄👁

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A baby pika! Listen to his little cry. Someday it will be much louder.

honestly? keanu reeves should have been in the MCU by now

honestly keanu reeves should’ve been doctor strange

marvel wouldn’t even need to spend money on cgi because keanu reeves can just do that