this is probs about as personal as i’m gonna get on the net because i feel it’s important for people in the same position i was a year ago to understand / make a change. this is what made me want to go down under - 

so after i finished university, i did what i felt people and society expected you to do after you graduate - advancing the long term relationship, getting the graduate job in a major city etc - because i didn’t know any different and it’s what all my friends seemed happy doing. i’d always been taught this is what you’re meant to do, work hard in school and get that good job and then have the dream house and 2.5 kids etc, and i respect this kind of life works for some people but i was working towards that and i couldn’t shake this feeling that my life wasn’t the life i wanted and i was so unhappy and i knew something had to change. 

i looked at my life and realised i wasn’t consciously living the life i wanted, i was doing it all for other people. you don’t even realise how influenced you are by other people until you spend time alone to think about what you truly want. i never liked living in england, i’d always dreamt of moving away after university, but i didn’t want to leave my relationship and friends and family and this dependancy that i wasn’t even conscious of was making me miserable. i worked in a job that utilised my degree, and whilst i felt somewhat passionate about it, i imagined spending the next 20 years of my life doing the same thing here and it made me feel abit dead inside haha. 

i’m in my very early 20′s and i realised i’m at the age where i have the most freedom and i’m shaping the foundation for my future. i don’t want to be 40 and wishing i did certain things but didn’t because i was afraid of letting people down, because other people aren’t the ones living out your life and people are temporary. it sounds selfish but your own happiness comes first. if moving to new york city has always been your dream, you go and fucking do that. if being an actress is your dream, you go and give that a shot, because you owe it to yourself and the people that truly love you will support you no matter what. with youth comes the luxury of being lost and being allowed to fuck up whilst on the path of finding yourself. 

so in response to your question of what i’m going to do in australia - i’m going to go and be happy. i haven’t planned it out too much but i want to go and make art and go on adventures, make the most of my youth and not waste it all away on some life here that i’m not living for myself - i’m finally going to do what i’ve always wanted to do, which was move away from england. 

i know this might come across very “gap yar” but regardless of what your dream is, please, it is so so important to live your life for yourself so if any of you are unhappy like i was, it’s never to late to change your situation around. make sure you’re living the life you want to live so you don’t end up with any regrets. if it doesn’t work out and i move back, at least i know i gave it a shot.

thankyou for your well wishes and sorry for the absolute essay and a half. i just wish i had the guts to do it sooner and hope this helps someone xo