None of it was real ~ eddie munson x reader
summary: after witnessing your bestfriends death, you find comfort being with eddie munson. or at least you thought so…
warnings: mentions of death, angst, panic attacks, depersonalization
a/n: hi guys! i got inspired to write this oneshot while listening to that audio rue says in euphoria “none of it was real. it was all an illusion.” this is a long oneshot so hopefully you guys think it was worth the long read. i hope you all enjoy it! (i’m sorry, in advance…)
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Death.
You’ve never had anyone close to you die.
Not an aunt, uncle, parent, cousin.
You didn’t know how to deal with it. Not to mention coping.
It was unexpected. All you were doing was going to his house to watch a movie together and you found him on the floor. You were scared, heart racing. Not knowing what to do. Your hands shaking as you try your best to help and grab his home phone to call 911.
Your bestfriend from childhood laying dead in your arms.
As much as it hurt you to watch him die, you couldn’t help but think “I didn’t even get to tell him about the way I feel about him.”
The doctors were the ones who found out what had happened. A stroke left untreated.
It was all just a terrible day. You felt guilty knowing you could’ve been there sooner to help him if you hadn’t payed much attention to your appearance. Or if you hadn’t prepared yourself to tell him how you felt. Or if you didn’t spend half an hour deciding what to wear.
You felt a piece of you die. You felt empty inside; hollow.
Mixed emotions ran through you when he died.
Anger. Sadness. Shock. Denial. Guilt.
Also known as some of the stages of grief. At least that’s what your dad would tell you. He’d tell you it’s normal to feel the way you do.
He didn’t understand but in a way, he did. It was like your bestfriend was a son to your dad. It was like he had lost a child. Your bestfriend was a year older than you yet you guys did everything together.
You couldn’t stay in your town. You had to leave. Driving pass places where you would hang out with him break your heart. That town did nothing but remind you of what you and him used to do together.
Your dad understood you and, luckily, you were able to get the hell out of there and move in with your mom out of state. She lived in Indiana while your dad lived in Wisconsin.
Your parents had split up because of their constant bickering. You had guessed it was because your dad would be at work, leaving your mom feeling alone. Sure she had you to keep her company but you were always with your best friend.
However your mom loved your dad dearly, having no harsh feeling towards him.
You’ve been living with your mom for about a month now and every now and then your dad calls to check up on you.
You’ve been attending Hawkins High. Having no friends. Not because your peers didn’t like you, but because you felt like you were replacing your best friend. You would always keep the conversation short when someone would walk up to you.
Just a couple more months. You thought to yourself. Then you’d be graduating, finally being free from high school.
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Your classes went by fast. Not that you payed much attention to them as you had your headphones on. It was like a sign for everyone else not to talk to you.
Behind Hawkins High there was a forest where you’d find yourself spending your afternoon in. It was quiet, no one goes out there. Right?
As you were changing the song from your walkman, you heard something.
Snap.
It was a tree branch.
“Who’s out there?” You yelled out towards the noise.
No response.
You pick up a pretty heavy branch and approach the noise. As you approach it, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You quickly turn around and scream.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You yelled at the guy.
Wait.
“Edward?” You say to the man and attempt to feel him. You’re in disbelief.
The guy looked just like your best friend. He had his long, curly black hair, big brown eyes, the same face as him. What the fuck is going on?
“Close but no, sweetheart.” He smiled and laughed. “It’s just Eddie, no one calls me by my first name.”
You looked at him confused. Your eyes look him up and down. You couldn’t help but get teared up. He looks exactly like him, you thought. A million thoughts go through your head but are soon interrupted by his voice.
“You okay?” Eddie says, concerned now.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I thought you were someone else, sorry.” You reply as you wipe away your tears. Eddie puts his hands on your shoulder and rubs it.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” You say, quietly. “I have to go, bye now.”
“Hold on. What’s your name?” He asks as he makes sure you don’t leave quickly.
“It’s y/n. I really do have to go now.” You say to him trying to leave.
“Alright y/n. I’ll see you back here tomorrow?” He asked hopefully. All you do is smile back and nod slightly. You couldn’t be there anymore. It was all just too much for you.
Did that really happen?
No.
He looked just like him?
Your breathing became erratic.
Breathe y/n. Breathe.
You attempt to calm yourself down but you couldn’t help but overthink everything.
You walked home, having your headphones over your ears; volume on full blast as some sort of solution to drown your thoughts. As you walked home, all you could think about was Eddie.
You left your old city, not to mention state, to escape the reminder of your bestfriend. And now that you’ve moved, someone who resembles him is here?
You make your way into your house and announce your arrival to your mom. She tells you that dinner is almost done but you didn’t have an appetite. It’s as if you were sick. You couldn’t possibly keep any food down.
You made your way into your bedroom and change into grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt. Your room was empty. Not furniture wise, it just didn’t feel like anyone lived there. The feeling was just cold and empty. All you really had was your full sized bed, a nightstand, and a drawer you had for your clothes. You had no posters of movie stars or posters of your favorite films. There was no decorations in your room because you felt like ‘what was the point of them’.
You didn’t know how to go back to “normal.” You didn’t know how to cope with your feelings or deal with something like that. However you didn’t feel like going to therapy as you felt like your family would treat you differently. Like you were something fragile.
You went downstairs and sat in the living room and watched some TV to distract your mind and to stop thinking about him. Well, both of them.
“You’re awfully quiet today, sweetie. Is everything alright?” You mom asked you as she was in the kitchen preparing dinner.
“Everything’s fine, mom. Just a boring day that’s all.” You lied. You didn’t feel like talking to your mom about it because then she’d think you were going crazy.
“You sure?” She asked, now coming into the living room to see you.
“I’m sure mom.” You say as you give her a soft smile.
“Alright, well if you need anything, let me know okay, sweetie?” She says smiling towards you. “Dinner’s ready, i’ve already set the table.” Even though you didn’t have an appetite, you still followed her to the kitchen because you didn’t want her to worry anymore.
That’s how you handled your feelings. You’d say your fine and keep them all in so you won’t worry anyone else. You didn’t want people to worry for you. In a way, you felt guilty knowing you’d lie to them but you thought it’d be fine since they won’t be concerned about you.
Your mom made you some fettuccine pasta. She knew that was your favorite. Your moms been doing her best at cooking some of your favorite foods to keep you happy.
You ate your food and had some small talk with your mother and then excused yourself so you could go to your room.
That memory in the forest kept replaying in your mind.
God he looked just like him. Those big brown eyes you thought you’d never see again. That smile. That face.
Seeing someone who you thought you’d never see again was a new feeling. A feeling you’ve never felt before. It was a feeling of nostalgia but you were still distraught. You couldn’t help but think about the both of them. Tears were brought to your eyes as you remember the memories you and your bestfriend had.
Going to the mall and buying everything in sight while your bestfriend would constantly get upset at you for getting him things.
Going to his house and getting blackout drunk while he was home alone.
Spending time with him watching horror and romcom movies.
Having snowball fights with him when it would snow.
You missed him more than ever before. You cried yourself to sleep. You couldn’t help it anymore. Letting all of your built of tears needed to be out. It felt good? It was the first time you’ve ever done that and you knew it wouldn’t be your last.
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Friday
You wake up to go to school and you were feeling relieved it would be the last time you’d wake up early for the week.
You quickly got dressed in a dark grey zip up hoodie and black baggy jeans with your black converse. You had also made sure to bring your walkman and your headphones.
You didn’t feel like doing your makeup because you just felt guilty. It reminded you of the fact that the last time you had done it, your best friend passed.
You went downstairs to find your mom waiting for you. As always, she would take you to school but every morning she would beg you to eat something. You didn’t eat breakfast as you thought it would make you feel gross throughout the school day.
She takes you to school and tells you to have a good day. You always say thank you and give her a smile. You put on your headphones and you made your way towards the building and made it into your first period.
You’re greeted by your teacher and you smile and sit down. Your class goes by fast and once it’s over, your teacher tells you to stay after for a bit.
“Hi, y/n. I just wanted to check up on you since you seemed quiet.” She tells you with a concerned face.
“Everything’s good Ms. O’Donnelle. Thank you for the concern.” You reply to her with a smile.
“If you need anything, just know that we’re all here for you.” She says and rubs your shoulder.
“Thank you.” You say softly and excuse yourself.
You go on with your day and lunch soon comes. You did nothing for lunch, not even eat. All you did was stay in one of your teachers classroom to do homework from another class.
The teachers didn’t mind it of course since you were doing work and stayed quiet. You had your volume from your walkman all the way up and did your work.
You couldn’t help but feel nervous as the school day ended because you knew you’d see Eddie again. A part of you wanted to see him. He looked so much like him it was unreal.
Once lunch was over, you went on with your day and made it through your last few classes. Sure you payed attention to them even when you had your headphones on but you didn’t have the volume all the way up.
Once your last class finished up, you felt a sudden feeling of nervousness. You felt like your heart was in your throat and your stomach was eating itself. You just felt nervous.
You made your way towards the forest and go to the table that was at the forest and find him sitting there. He seemed to be smoking and you smell the odor of marijuana. Wow.
Stop it y/n. Why are you blushing? What is wrong with you? This is not the time or place to be feeling this way. You shamed yourself for feeling something you havent felt in a while.
“Well hello there, sweetheart.” Eddie says to you and he puts out his blunt. You noticed that once you came he put out his blunt. Was that because he didn’t want you to experience the second-hand smoke? Was there another reason? You overthought everything he did.
“Hi there.” You said to him shyly as you looked down. You made you feel nervous but in a good way? Stop it y/n.
He gestures his hand to the empty spot on the table in front of him and you sit down.
“So how was school? I’m assuming you go to Hawkins High right?” He asks you.
“Yeah I do, it was fine I guess.” You reply. “How was school for you? Do you also go there?” You’ve never seen him around school so you felt the need to ask him.
“Nah, I don’t go to school. I… graduated.”He says in a weird tone.
That was weird, you thought.
He sounded hesitant? Was he lying to you? Did he actually graduate? Or did he just drop out?
“Are you sure?” You ask him since you were actually curious about if he actually graduated or not.
“Yeah im sure. I hesitated cause it… feels weird to say it out loud.” He says looking the floor, kicking his feet at the ground. You reply with an “oh” and smile towards him.
“That reminds me, I’ve never seen you around here before. Are you new?” He asks you, now looking into your eyes.
“Yeah, I moved here about a month ago.” You say softly as you look down at your fingers, fiddling with them. You were reminded as to why you had moved. The memories from that day filled your mind. The sight of seeing your best friend on the floor, in your arms was all you could think about.
Eddie had noticed that you seemed lost in your own mind. He saw your eyes go empty. Like you were in a different world.
“Y/N?” He says and gets up and walks to the other side of the table to move you a bit. You’re out of your trance as you jump slightly when he touches you. You feel; at ease? Like he made you feel better even though he did nothing. He just made you feel comfort. You didn’t notice your eyes filled with tears till you felt one drop down your cheek.
“You okay, y/n?” Eddie asks you and he brings up his hand to wipe away your tears from your face. You felt like sobbing into his hands as he reminded you so much of him. And so you did. Tears start pouring out of your eyes and Eddie quickly makes you get up to hug him. You completely lost it. You sobbed into his chest holding onto his torso ever so tightly.
Eddie didn’t seem to mind it though as he too hugged you tightly. It was like he was there to comfort you. You sobbed till you felt like your head was going to explode. You slowly raise your head and loosen the grip your had on him and look up at Eddie. He looks down at you and raises his hand towards the back of your head and rubs it.
There was no talking. It was just silent. Not that awkward silence though, it was a peaceful and comforting silence. You enjoyed not talking and just letting yourself cry since you didn’t feel like you had to explain how you felt. You found comfort when you were hugging Eddie. You tried so hard not to as you didn’t want to replace your bestfriend.
But god, Eddie was making that so hard. You knew that you’d never be as close to someone as you were with Edward but you still tried to make the best out of it.
Eddie breaks the comforting silence and says, “If you need to do that again, don’t hesitate.” He gives you a reassuring smile and hugs you, you hug him back.
“Thank you, and I’m sorry for the tear stains on your shirt. And sorry about not giving you a heads up, Eddie.” You tell him as you look up at him.
“It’s really no problem, sweetheart. Trust me.”
You give him a soft smile and tell him that it’s time for you to go. You didn’t know why but you felt the urge to invite him over.
“Hey, Eddie. Would you…” You began but hesitated “Sorry… would you like to come over for dinner at my house?” You say looking up at his big brown eyes.
“I cant, not tonight sweetheart. Maybe another day. Yeah?” He says to you looking at the ground.
You felt disappointed. You wanted him to come over but why? You hardly know this guy. “No worries. I’ll see you around, Eddie.”
“Goodbye, y/n!” He screams as you walk away. You turn to him and wave.
You walk home, having your headphones on, and think about what happened at the forest. His weird response kept making you overthink.
Was that really the reason as to why he was hesitant?
Why was he always looking at the ground?
Did he actually have something to do?
Or did he just didn’t want to go over?
Stop it y/n. Stop overthinking everything.
You make it to your front door and announce your arrival. Your mom was in the living room watching tv and starts some small talk.
“You’re here a little bit later.” She says, not taking her eyes off you.
“Yeah, stayed in a class after school for a bit. Homework.” You lied to her. You make sure to keep eye contact as you know she might think your lying.
She nods and tells you that dinner is just yesterday’s leftovers. You tell her alright and head to your room to put down your things and get comfortable changing into your grey sweats.
Once you changed, you went to the kitchen and ate leftover pasta. You eat your dinner and decide to watch TV with your mom. You wanted to tell her about Eddie but you were scared to hear her reaction.
She smiles as you sit down next to her but she notices that you wanted to say something so she asked how your day was in order for you to talk in hopes that you tell her.
“It was just the usual. Nothing new.” You say, keeping your eyes on the TV.
“You sure?” She says put her hand on your shoulder.
“Do you ever feel guilty?” You spat out, turning your head to face her. She looks at you and furrows her brows. She seems confused so you go on and say, “You know, moving on. Do you not feel guilty for moving on from his death?”
“Of course I do sweetie, but it’s the right thing to do. Moving on helps you grow. You’re not forgetting about what happened to him, you’re just accepting it.” She begins to tell you with comfort. She wants you to know that moving on is a healthy thing to do.
“I don’t know if I can though. I feel guilty talking to anyone else at school. I feel guilty if i feel any other emotion that’s not related to being sad. I feel guilty if i spend too much time on my appearance. I feel guilt all the time, mom. Is that normal?” You’ve never talked about your feelings to your mom till now. It’s like what happened in the forest with Eddie was a good thing. All you know is that you’re glad it did, it made you feel… relieved?
Your mom looked at you with sad eyes. “Sweetie, i promise you it’s all normal. Especially because he was your best friend. Everyone copes differently.” She places her hand on your thigh and begins to rub it. She then gives you a reassuring smile and says, “Is there any specific reason you’re asking?”
You look at her not knowing what to say. Part of you wants to tell her about Eddie but the other part of you feels like if you do, it’ll become real. The replacement will become real.
“I, um, I’ve been hanging out with a guy named Eddie,” You began to say. “He looks just like Edward mom. I know it sounds crazy but, he looks and sounds just like him. And I don’t know how to feel about it.”
You mom stares back at you, surprised you told her how you felt. But she’s also proud of you for doing so. “Y/N, it’s perfectly normal to feel distraught about that. You’ve been through something traumatic and I’m proud of you for telling me about it.” She begins to say, reassuring you that its normal to feel the way you’re feeling.
“I just… I don’t know. I feel drawn to him? Like I finally have something to look forward to after school. And i feel terrible for feeling that way.” You noticed your eyes began to fill up with tears but you quickly rub them. You couldn’t help but think about your best friends reaction if he was still here.
You felt like he would be disappointed in you or even heartbroken. You thought he would shame you for moving on so quickly. As you kept overthinking, your mom interrupts your thoughts and says, “Everything will be okay, sweetie. Edward would be proud of you for accepting his death and moving on. I know it sounds hard to hear but it’s for the better. Trust me.”
You nod and thank her, “I love you, mom.”
“I love you too, y/n.”
You excuse yourself and go to your room and quickly find yourself in bed. You did your best to stop overthinking everything but you couldn’t help but wonder what tomorrow would be like since it would be Saturday. You felt disappointed that you won’t see Eddie till Monday after school since you didn’t really know whether he’d be at the forest or not.
Thinking of Eddie, you end up going to sleep.
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A couple of months go by and it’s the same schedule. You either stay in your room all day during the weekends and watch movies with your mom and it’s a school day and you go to school and to the forest with Eddie. You’ve never hung out with Eddie on a weekend day so you decided maybe today’s the day to go?
You wake yourself up as it was Saturday and lay in bed for a couple minutes as your eyes begin to adjust to the brightness. All you thought about was him.
Eddie.
You thought of him. But why?
You knew that seeing him was the only thing that kept you feeling happy. Or at least feel something else rather than numb. You couldn’t help but wonder if Eddie spent everyday in the forest at the table. Your mind wandered off thinking what would happen if you had gone to the forest. Just to check if he’s there.
You began to remember what your mom had told you that one night. Edward would be proud of you for accepting his death and moving on.
But did you want to move on? You didn’t know. You just wished you hadn’t been in a position like this.
As you layed in your bed for what seemed about an hour, you heard your mom calling you down for breakfast. You reluctantly got out of bed and feel the cool air hit your bare legs. Goosebumps.
You went to the bathroom to brush your teeth and to relieve yourself. You went towards the kitchen and found your mom eating eggs and pancakes she had just made. You saw that she had served you the same thing and you thank her.
“How’d you sleep, sweetie?” She says as she eats her eggs.
“I slept good, i guess. Nothing different.” You say to her and you begin to cut your pancakes into bite sized pieces.
You and your mom have some small talk but you couldn’t help but think about the forest.
Should I just check?
What if he’s waiting for me?
What if I don’t end up going and he’s just out there?
You made up your mind. You tell her you’d be heading to the forest to hang out.
“Im glad to hear you’ll be out, sweetie. It’s a good step.” She says to you with a smile. “May I ask with who you’ll be joining?”
As you bite down on your last piece of pancakes, you reluctantly say, “I’m not sure… I was kinda hoping to see Eddie.”
Your mom just smiles back and says to invite him over so she can meet him and you nod and smile back.
I already did and he said no. No, he said he couldn’t.
But what if he was lying?
Stop overthinking everything, y/n.
You went to your room and decide to change. You went for some ripped black baggy jeans and a W.A.S.P sweater. For shoes, you decide to just put on your black converse. You didn’t really care about makeup ever since his death but he’ll be proud to see you accept his death. With that thought in mind, you put on black mascara and light eye makeup; black of course.
You remember to take your walkman and headphones then head towards the forest. It wasn’t far from your house so you knew it wouldn’t take long till you found out if he was there or not.
You take a different route towards the table since you wouldn’t be able to go through the regular one since it would’ve been towards the school. You made your way in, having your headphones on full blast. You didn’t feel scared, for some reason you felt at peace.
It was like knowing that you’ll see Eddie seemed to keep your mind busy from overthinking. All you could think about was his pretty brown eyes. Pretty? Why would I think that?
There was no doubt that you didn’t find him attractive. After all, he did resemble your best friend. But you felt like you couldn’t feel that type of way. It was like you felt guilty for feeling that way. You knew you shouldn’t but you couldn’t help yourself.
As you keep thinking about Eddie, you find yourself a little lost but you still managed to find your way to the table.
No one was there.
Alright, it’s okay, you begin to think to yourself. Maybe he’s on his way here?
You sat down at the bench and begin place your walkman on the table. But before you do that, you take off your headphones and place them on the table. You face your head down as you reach for your walkman and once you look up, you see Eddie right in front of you.
You gasped loudly, “Oh my god!” You jump slightly.
“Sorry, didnt mean to scare you y/n.” He says to you sounding bad. He puts his hand on your shoulder and rubs his thumbs.
“I didnt hear you?” You say to him confused as you look at him with your brows furrowed. You didnt hear any branches snap or any leaves crunch. In fact, you didnt hear anything at all. Like he had just appeared out of thin air.
“I was just… really quiet… I guess.” He replied, sounded almost unsure. You noticed that he had his eyes pointing downwards.
You looked back at him, eyebrows still furrowed, and asked, “Why do you do that?”
“Do what, exactly?” He responded now looking at you.
“Look away. Ive noticed you’ve done it a number of times.” You take a step closer to him and reach for his hand. Eddie looks down to see what you were trying to do and takes your hand. He puts your hair behind your ear with his available hand and looks deeply into your eyes.
He leans down towards your open ear and whispers, “I’ll explain later, sweetheart. I cant tell you about it at the moment.” He comes back up and looks at you again. “Trust me, yeah?”
You hesitated for a bit and slightly nod, still staring at those brown eyes. You wondered why he couldnt tell you why he did that. But for some reason, you brushed it off like it was nothing. For once, you hadn’t overthought something.
You continue looking at him and asked, “Do you have any plans for today?” You asked him because you had remembered that your mom wanted to meet him.
“I dont, actually. Maybe just hanging out here?” He says as he puts his arms out like he want showing off the forest. He smiles and looks at you. He then walks towards you and looks looks down at you as you were sitting down. His left hand was on the table he says, “Is there any particular reason you ask, sweetheart?”
You instantly felt your heart flutter when you heard him call you that. That fucking feeling.
It was as if you were on a roller coaster and there was a drop. Like all of your organs fell from inside your body. It was like your heart was on the floor.
You look up at him with doe eyes. You noticed that his smile grew bigger.
God.
“I- Um.” You began to say, stuttering a bit. “I wanted to ask if you’d come over to my house? Just for dinner?” You stare at him trying to read his face.
There was a blank expression? It was like you couldn’t read him. Like he didn’t want you to.
“I-” He began but you soon interrupted.
“B- Before you can say no, my mom wanted to meet you. I’m sorry. She’d really love to meet you Eddie”
“I wish I could, Y/N. Really.” Both of your smiles had dropped slowly.
“Please Eddie?”
“I don’t know, Y/N. I’d love to go… it’s just that…” He said hesitating. “Actually. Scratch that.” He looks at you starting to smile again. “I would love to go, sweetheart.”
“Are you sure? You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, Eddie.”
“Hey, I said I’d love to go okay?” He says to you as he smiles.
You look up at him and smile. “Great! Actually… we can go right now?” You say that to him noticing that the sun was going down. It was weird… like time went on faster than ever before when you’re with him.
“Sure, Y/N” Eddie says as he helps you get up from the seat. You quickly gather your walkman and he puts his arm around you. You felt safe in his arms. It was like meeting Eddie was the best thing that happened after Edward.
The both of you make your way out of the forest and you guide him towards your house. On the way there, you wouldn’t help but feel your heart beat beating fast. He made you feel the way you felt about Edward. You tried so hard to bury that feeling but you couldn’t help yourself.
And that’s when you realized it. You were starting to fall in love with Eddie Munson. And that scared you, it definitely did. But you kept reminding yourself; Edward would be proud.
As you approached your front lawn, you noticed that Eddie seemed a bit off. Like he was nervous of something. Was it because he was about to meet my mom? Was it because he’s just nervous because he’s scared of what my mom would think?
“Hey… you seem nervous, are you alright?” You say to him as you stop him in his tracks. You turn to face him but he couldn’t look at you. Like he was avoiding eye contact with you. Eddie held out his hand and you took it. He then made his way towards the front door.
“Y/N…” He began to say. But Eddie didn’t sound nervous. I’m fact, there was no stuttering at all. It was like he was just unsure of something. You noticed he sounded like he was full of sorrowfulness. He still wouldn’t look at you in the eyes.
“Eddie. Look at me, please?” You interrupted him. Eddie slowly lifted his head off the ground and his gaze met yours. His beautiful brown eyes were empty. Like that spark that was used to be there… disappeared.
“Y/N, there’s something you need to know.” He whispered to you. “A- And I don’t know how to tell you.” His eyes were empty. You couldn’t read his face anymore.
“Just tell me, Eddie.” You express as you look at him. Your heart was pounding. It was like your heart could burst out of your chest at any second.
“Y/N… I can’t go inside” He looks at you and he sees that your eyes began to fill with tears.
“My mom will be more than happy to meet you, Eddie. There’s no need for you to be nervous.” You try to reassure him but he looks away.
“It’s not that… Y/N.” He’s breaks his gaze with you and begins to look at your door. You notice he closes his eyes tightly. “Y/N… I can’t go inside because I’m not real.” He turns to face you again.
What?
You furrow your brows. “What do you mean you’re not real?
You didn’t know what to think. Like your mind was empty.
“I’m not real.” He lifts up his hand and places it to your face as he tries to cup it. “Can you feel that?”
You felt nothing. All you felt was this cold feeling. Your eyes filled with even more tears and they began to spill straight from your eyes.
“But how?” You were in disbelief. There’s no way. Right? You can vividly remember how Eddie’s hands felt on your skin. You can remember how his torso felt the day you bursted out in tears. You can remember his soft touch against your skin. You can remember the safeness that you felt as he hugged you. You can remember just seeing him, right in front of you.
“It was you, Y/N.” He puts his hand down but continues to look deeply into your eyes. “Witnessing your best friend die in your arms was traumatic for you.”
Your eyes scattered around his face. Like you couldn’t trust him anymore. A feeling of wariness washed over you. You couldn’t trust him. Right?
“I know this is hard, believe me. But I need you to listen to what I’m about to say.” He took a deep breath in.
As much as you wanted to just leave, there was a part of you that made you stand your ground. Like you couldn’t move your feet.
“I look like Edward, correct?”
You nod.
“Well, because you witness his death, your mind pulled back from the experience because it simply seems too scary.” He explains to you. “It’s your brain's natural defense system which is reacting to what it perceives to be danger.”
You felt as if your heart was going to explode. Like it was aching so badly that at any given time, it could break.
You didn’t say anything to him. All you could do was remember the way you felt about him.
No. How he made you feel. How he made you feel when he called you sweetheart. How he made you feel when he would look at you with those big brown eyes. How you would feel when he would hug you ever so tightly. How he would let you express the way you were feeling. How he would stop your mind from overthinking.
Then it hit you.
“My brain made you up so I could cope?” God. You knew was too good to be true.
“Yes. You needed to let your feelings out but you didn’t know how to. You’ve never been through something this traumatic. I’m sorry Y/N.”
You were angry at him. But why? It’s not his fault, right?
“I…. don’t even know what to say.” You look away from him. It. That fragment of your imagination. Whatever Eddie was.
“You’ll be okay, I promise, sweetheart.” Eddie smiles at you as he points his direction towards your front lawn. He starts to head towards it till you say-
“Wait… will…” You begin to hesitate. “….Will i ever see you again?” Party of you still loved Eddie. Part of you wants the whole you to remember your times together. Part of you want to continue being with him, even if he’s not real.
“That’s up to you, sweetheart.” Eddie turns back to look you and he grins. “Till next time, Y/N.” He turns back towards your front lawn and he heads off. You waited till he was out of your direct line of sight.
You waited outside your door as you couldn’t move. You were still in complete shock but you realized that Eddie did help you. His company made you open up to your mom. He allowed for you to express your feelings to your mom and to yourself. He helped you cope through Edwards death.
Of course you still felt empty, but for some reason, that stopped you from feeling helpless.
As you let out a couple more tears and whimpers, you finally decided to go inside.
You take out your hand as it’s still shaking and you slowly turn the door handle.
You make your way inside and find your mom setting the table. You notice that she has three plates out. God.
“Hey sweetie!” She exclaims to you and soon notices your puffy red eyes and wet face. “Oh my god what happened, Y/N?”
You remember how it was because of Eddie that you’re able to talk to your mom about how you felt. “Mom… we wont be needing the third plate.” You say to her as you put your head down, staring at the ground.
“Tell me what happened, sweetie.” She puts her arm around you and guides you towards the couch. But before you both sit down, you immediately hug her. You can’t help but just cry in her shoulder. All of these feelings were running through and out of you.
You hugged your mom tightly and sobbed.
After what seemed to be a few minutes, you slowly pulled away from her and looked at her.
“Mom, I need to tell you what happened and I don’t know how to explain it without sounding crazy so I need you to tell me right now that you won’t judge me no matter what.”
Your mom smiled at you and said, “Of course I won’t judge you. No matter what, okay?”
You let out a relieving sigh and begin to explain your experience with Eddie Munson. A fragment of your imagination whom you loved dearly.
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a/n: hi all!!! thank you for reading this! i know this one of a LOT different than my past two oneshots but i just wanted to try something new. and i know it took me so long to finally post this, i’ve just been really busy with school coming up but i promise to update as fast as i can! let me know what you all think? love and appreciate you all!!! feedback is always appreciated <3333
