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gay calamity

@succumbdeeznuts

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i desperately need like a canopy bed or a tent bed or an in-wall bed or something i need to be tucked in i need to be protected from the elements i need to be in a little hole in a den in a nest im just a prey animal trying to get by

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do you get it or do you not know anything

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call out post now

This is actually the best intro to a porno that has ever existed

There is no way this is a porno

This is the best porno there has ever been.

The way he says “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” shaped me as a person

It’s been over a decade, and I still think “I’m a lemon stealing whore” to myself every time I take fruit off a lemon tree.

Which isn’t often, but it’s often enough.

Have you ever partaken in the flesh of another?

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This one shall do nicely.

35 miles, happy 24 hours.

24 miles, 19 hours and ticking.

It's ok, take your time

Hog swill

Might take a minute.

Back on track, 20 miles ~20 hours, might need a medic.

Buddy???

Found the portal, expect my corpse to arrive in 17-20 hours.

What

What the hell

I’ve come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog’s a bitch-ass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking wife! That’s right, he took his hedgehog-fuckin’ quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was “this big,” and I said “that’s disgusting,” so I’m making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Shadow the Hedgehog, you’ve got a small dick, It’s the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here’s what my dong looks like! That’s right, baby, tall points, no quills, no pillows — look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong! He fucked my wife, so guess what, I’m gonna fuck the Earth! That’s right, this is what you get: my SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I’m not gonna piss on the Earth, I’m gonna go higher!! I’m pissing ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama?! I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth! Now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

Happy one year anniversary to the video that gave us this improvised gem.

Happy 2nd anniversary to Eggman pissing on the moon

5 years of moon pissing

I DID IT

I ORDERED ARM WARMERS, THIGH HIGH, AND A SKIRT

IT'S HERE

IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE

a bit different than most other superhero uniforms but that never stops the mighty Captain Plutonium

IS BEING HYDRATED REALLY WORTH ALL THIS PEEING?

Hi friend! Fun fact! The human body can only absorb one liter of water per hour, and not all at once! Likely the reason you’re peeing so much is because you’re taking in too much water at a time, so your body just flushes it through your system as opposed to absorbing it. A good rule is ¼ liter every 15 minutes. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely times that I want to (and will) glug a whole liter like it’s nothing, but steady hydration throughout the day is key! -Your friendly local wilderness first responder who rehydrates people for their job :)

Dang okay 📝