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it's just me

@sublimeaxolotls

a bisexual aromantic • i pretty much just reblog stuff but sometimes i post • 21 • they/them •

Ian Stone, Doubting Thomas, oil on linen, 12x16 in, 2023

"If you know the painting by Caravaggio, Doubting Thomas, it was my direct inspiration for this piece.

A doubting Thomas is a skeptic who refuses to believe without direct personal experience. 50-60 years ago, it was not uncommon for people to think or believe that being gay was a phase or a mental illness or deviance in some shape or form. It's embarrassing that the same things are being said about trans people today."

STOP SCROLLING!!! THIS IS NOT A PHOTO IT'S OIL ON LINEN!!!!!!!!!

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being autistic is beautiful and then you're afraid of abandonment because your brain has picked up on the exact patterns that signal another loss and then you step outside and there are patterns in the sky in the grass in every touch and every laugh. someone looks at you and there is a shift in their gaze to tell you "i know you're wrong. you are something wrong." something between pity and embarrassment and you want to rip it out of your body for a second and then you listen to music and the euphoria makes it all worth it because they could never experience this joy. you're sky-high. you look in the mirror and your eyes appear inexplicably vacant and then you read about how so many autistic kids are cleverer than everyone else as children and then the opposite afterwards. at a certain age you equalise. you grow sharper teeth and you bite off more than you can chew and you chew it all anyway. there's spring in the air and your brain functions like a scattergraph and when you think about it hard enough it's impossible not to fall in love. if you're an alien you're a lovely one. one day you fall in love and you know it's more intense than it should be but you love her anyway, knowing how it will end. are you invented for grief? are you invented for love, carrying grief?

truthfully being autistic puts a gun full of love to your head. i will always be a little bit more alone than everyone else but the shades of green seperate into a spectrum of feeling and this schematic of an engine is a poem to progress and every song i love is a holy hymn and when your brain is a scattergraph, once you love something, you love everything. you're more alone than everyone else and the least lonely creature on earth, even in isolation.

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 ╭ ◜◝ ͡ ◝ ͡◜◝  ╮  (                      )  (        cock       )    (                  )      ╰     ͜      ╯                      O                    o                             °       〃∩ ∧_∧      ⊂⌒( ´・ω・)       `ヽ_っ_/ ̄ ̄ ̄/                 \/___/ 

Fixed it.

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Did you get the wokeness? Did you get the performative wholesomeness? Did you secure the likes?

╭ ◜◝ ͡ ◝ ͡◜◝  ╮ (  Emotionally  ) (     fulfilling     )   (    cock       )     ╰     ͜      ╯                     O                   o                            °      〃∩ ∧_∧     ⊂⌒( ´・ω・)      `ヽ_っ_/ ̄ ̄ ̄/                \/___/

fuck it, Toshiro Mifune fancam set to Kate Bush

hey op, what’s it like being a goddamned genius?

every so often, someone reblogs this from me and not OP (hi @majortomwaits!) and i get to look through the notes before i go cry bc mifune was So Handsome. highlights include:

  • young folk who have never beheld him discovering his beauty
  • lesbians and straight men saying “if i had to pick a dude”
  • wailing and gnashing of teeth, generally
  • “this was BEFORE stranger things, the vibes are that strong”
  • (My New Favorite) HE IS SO GENDER (y'all are so right, the man Performed Masculinity like no other, but then The Vulnerability)
  • agreeing with me that OP has the biggest, juiciest brain ever
  • Lucas wanted him for Obi-Wan Kenobi *rolling in the deep plays in the background*