thinking of how absolutely buckwild hilarious it would be if the last fraying thread of Oda’s fucks finally snapped and he just legit got Zoro and Sanji together, canonically, on panel, and was like “that’s right, assholes, it was all foreshadowing! all the Kuina parallels, Sanji getting upset that Zoro wouldn’t want to mess around with him in Nami’s body, the whole ‘take me out if my Germa genes take over’ thing, the ‘being queer is living authentically’ thing, even the bit where they first met and Sanji begs Zoro to let go of his dream and survive–all of it! fuck all y’all I’m outta here tip your waitresses” and then never answered another question about it again

alternately I would also accept if in the Obligatory Shounen Timeskip Epilogue we find Zoro, like 45 years old, in the middle of an absolute sea of enemies, having a squabbling conversation via Den-Den Mushi with his wife about groceries or something (continuing the “Zoro dresses and talks like an old working-class Japanese guy from a small rural village” thing he’s got going on), and then it cuts to his wife and it’s Sanji, transitioned and rocking it, in the middle of her own absolute sea of enemies, also kicking ass, as Oda drops the trans!Sanji bomb and the Zoro/Sanji bomb simultaneously and then vanishes into the night

(also it turns out that they’re embarrassingly in love too in that “middle-aged couple in a shounen manga” way. Like Zoro is whipped as fuck—except when it comes to their rivalry of course—and pouts if he doesn’t get welcome home kisses. Sanji always has her arm in the crook of his elbow when they’re out in public together unless they’re actively sparring at that precise moment. That kind of shit)

I have this idea for an AU wherein Sanji’s physical Germa modifications kick in during his time starving on the rock, and when he’s like 14 Judge finds out and decides to take him back by force, because if the physical modifications took then surely the mental ones will too and if not there’s always psychological conditioning like what he did to Reiju, right? So Germa rocks up to the Baratie, burns it to the waterline, slaughters the crew (almost) to a man, and drags Sanji back. they don’t realize that Zeff survives, and they probably wouldn’t care if they did. (more fool them)

the mental modifications never kick in, but Sanji learns to act like they do, developing this false persona as a vicious shallow hedonist. he also leans hardcore on his growing resemblance to Sora to get Judge to indulge his whims (no, there’s nothing actually sexual about it, but it is deeply uncomfortable and it’s supposed to be). this is because he’s waiting for a very specific kind of opportunity…..

Maybe in a Doylistic sense it’s just Oda getting worse, but tbh I think Sanji’s over the top post-timeskip behavior is a terrified reaction to having just spent two years on Transfem Island and then abruptly remembering that his father claimed that he would kill himself if he ever saw Sanji act in a gender nonconforming manner

and you know Zeff would be fucking devastated if he ever found out how much harm that one shitty joke did. how much harm it did to Sanji, to Sanji’s ability to relate to people, to the rest of the Straw Hats, to every woman and trans man and drag queen and enby Sanji has ever met. it would destroy him. and he will probably never find out.

the axe forgets. the tree remembers. and so do those the tree strikes as it falls.

head canon: zoro has a pierced tongue because he likes how it looks and it’s a good mouth stim, but sanji thinks it’s a sex thing and obsesses over it

zoro: hee hoo clickey clackety

sanji: but what if it was on my d…. my d…….. if it was on my di…….. what if…. what if it was on my dfufugkkhhkk………

head canon: zoro has a pierced tongue because he likes how it looks and it’s a good mouth stim, but sanji thinks it’s a sex thing and obsesses over it

sanji, realizing at 3 am that zoro can grow extra arms out of his soul with pure willpower:

[caption: that classic gif of Shepard Smith, in a blue suit and tie in front of a blue wall, saying “Well, mark me down as scared and horny!”]

#WHERE IS THE ASURA FORM SMUT IN THIS WORLD BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN PRECISELY NONE

[warning: fanwank incoming]

Keep reading

now I’m just picturing the “we have to do the do to make asura form go away” zosan plot but it’s Sanji with his screwed up narratives about sexuality being all “oh no…. I am going to need to be Ravished by the thing inside my male crewmate….this Can’t Be Helped so it’s not my fault that I’m having sex with a man…. a Forceful Wild Demonic Creature….sure hope this doesn’t have already awakened something in me” and them they get into it and Zoro is just “are you comfortable? do you want me to get you anything? is there a draft? I think there’s a draft. we’re not going too fast, are we? I’d better slow down. are you absolutely sure you’re okay with this? positive? let me know the second you feel uncomfortable, ok?”

sanji, realizing at 3 am that zoro can grow extra arms out of his soul with pure willpower:

[caption: that classic gif of Shepard Smith, in a blue suit and tie in front of a blue wall, saying “Well, mark me down as scared and horny!”]

#WHERE IS THE ASURA FORM SMUT IN THIS WORLD BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN PRECISELY NONE

[warning: fanwank incoming]

KIM KITSURAGI – He stares flatly at you, Eyebrow cocked and loaded. You need to make this good.

RHETORIC [Formidable: Failure] – Hit him with a wise aphorism.

YOU – “Now, Kim. It takes two people to lie–one to lie and one to listen.”

KIM KITSURAGI – “What does that mean?”

SAVOIR FAIRE [Legendary: Failure] – It’s not working! Abort!

YOU – “Uhhhh, I don’t have time to answer all these questions! Uhhhh, time is money! Come on, people!”

DRAMA – Now is the time, sire. This guilt can weigh on you no longer. You must unburden yourself of your terrible secret.

YOU – “Kim? I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.”

KIM KITSURAGI – “What? Oh my God.”

DRAMA – No, the other secret.

YOU – “Kim? I never graduated from high school.”

KIM KITSURAGI – “That still doesn’t explain why you ate my soap. …Actually, maybe it does.”

YOU -- This is it, the moment of truth. If you don’t figure this out, you might lose Kim forever.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Trivial: Success] -- Eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding.

YOU -- Well, all right. Then we’ve got to get to work.

KIM KITSURAGI – He stares flatly at you, Eyebrow cocked and loaded. You need to make this good.

RHETORIC [Formidable: Failure] – Hit him with a wise aphorism.

YOU – “Now, Kim. It takes two people to lie–one to lie and one to listen.”

KIM KITSURAGI – “What does that mean?”

SAVOIR FAIRE [Legendary: Failure] – It’s not working! Abort!

YOU – “Uhhhh, I don’t have time to answer all these questions! Uhhhh, time is money! Come on, people!”

DRAMA -- Now is the time, sire. This guilt can weigh on you no longer. You must unburden yourself of your terrible secret.

YOU -- “Kim? I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.”

KIM KITSURAGI -- “What? Oh my God.”

DRAMA -- No, the other secret.

YOU -- “Kim? I never graduated from high school.”

KIM KITSURAGI -- “That still doesn’t explain why you ate my soap. ...Actually, maybe it does.”

sanji asks robin (as the only other transfem on the crew) to come with her to shop for clothing for femme days and this somehow snowballs into the entire rest of the crew tagging along

Shopping montage?

fuck yeah shopping montage!

Sanji asks Robin. Robin mentions it to Franky, who just assumes that he’d be coming along. Franky mentions it to Usopp, who corners Sanji all like “what? every other trans Straw Hat on the ship right now is going on a shopping spree for you without me? me, your best friend?? how dare?? how very dare???”

then Nami appears out of nowhere, summoned by the words “shopping spree”, and when Sanji stammers that she didn’t think anyone else would want to come Nami just says “San-chan,” (this is a nickname that she’s started using on Sanji’s femme days that absolutely hits Sanji’s weak spot for massive mellorine damage) “why do you think I wouldn’t want to not only help my crewmate in her time of vulnerability but do so by buying a whole new wardrobe with her money?”  and by the time Sanji stops noodling on the floor she’s already enlisted Chopper and Jinbei to help carry their bags. this is the point where it reaches Adventure Critical Mass and Luffy becomes subsumed into the trip planning without so much as a by-your-leave.

at breakfast the next morning Brook pulls a fistful of beri out from his skull compartment and jams them into the Panty Jar and since he’s actually been good about not making inappropriate underwear jokes for weeks now there’s a general murmur of confusion. “well, it’s preemptive!” Brook explains. “just in case!”

“preemptive for what?” says Zoro.

“oh, the shopping trip for Sanji! It’s going to be hard to buy panties without ever mentioning them, you know!”

“you are not coming on the underwear portion of this trip,” says Nami.

“when are we leaving?” says Zoro.

there is a silence. “marimo,” says Sanji, “you hate clothes.”

“yeah. when are we leaving?” says Zoro.

sanji asks robin (as the only other transfem on the crew) to come with her to shop for clothing for femme days and this somehow snowballs into the entire rest of the crew tagging along

Shopping montage?

fuck yeah shopping montage!

so why did it take me until today to learn that marimo are supposed to be symbols of undying love/being willing to die to be with your lover……….

Excuse moi?!? They fucking mean WHAT

yeop

so why did it take me until today to learn that marimo are supposed to be symbols of undying love/being willing to die to be with your lover……….

fucking hell IS THAT WHY ZORO IS SO INSISTENT THAT PEOPLE GET IT RIGHT

also the death pact tho THE DEATH PACT THO