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Don't mind me, just Existing

@stuckinanxietysdaydream

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stuckinanxietysdaydream
galahadwilder
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spacezeros

wanting and not wanting at the same time

a comic for asexual awareness week

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spacezeros

bringing this back today for the start of pride month. still overwhelmed by how well this comic went down and with how many people relate. it’s easy to think aro-ace people are all totally accepting of their identities and really proud of who they are. i guess on websites like this you see a lot of people proudly putting their identity in their bio, a flag in their profile picture.

in fact i think a lot of aro-ace people really hate that part of themselves, hide it, and struggle for a long time to ‘accept’ who they are and feel any sense of ‘pride’. that’s the feeling i wanted to capture here. the disappointment, the loneliness, upon realising that you can’t feel what is such a wonderful thing. the embarrassment of not being ‘normal’, of being some random sexuality that nobody irl has heard of, and letting down those around you because you can’t be who they want you to be. how desperately you want to change, how desperately you want to feel. but you just can’t.

i know not all aro-ace people feel like this. i know lots of aro and/or ace people feel able to be in relationships, to feel closeness and have partners in other ways. but i think it’s important to be aware that some aro-ace people do feel like this.

the comments on this comic have mostly been great but a few have been very frustrating. a comment it got a lot was along the lines of ‘aw!! you don’t need to have sex to be in a relationship!’. you completely missed the point, hah. this is not a comic about sex. it’s about a lack of feeling, the lack of something beautiful other people seem to have. another comment that popped up a few times was ‘maybe she’s a lesbian’. well maybe lesbians and aro/ace girls have more in common than people think - maybe they both often struggle to accept that they feel no attraction to men, even though society has conditioned them to do so, sometimes spending years trying to force themselves to like men in that way, when they just can’t.

this comic is called ‘wanting and not wanting at the same time’ because she wants to love. but when it comes down to the reality, she can’t fulfil the requirements of that. she wants to love someone forever, to get married and have children and grow old with her soulmate, but she doesn’t want it with this person. or that person. or anyone she meets or will ever meet. a sort of catch 22, i guess.

hope that makes sense. thanks for listening, and have a lovely pride month ❤️

stuckinanxietysdaydream
justanotherpersonsuniverse
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fernshawart

How to write a cane user character

(Written by a cane user)

A few months ago, I wrote a small guide on good disabled characters and why they were good that gathered quite the attention, and I thought that doing another more specific guide this time would be interesting for writers or just people that are curious ! This guide will include general informations, some things to do, some things to avoid and some ideas that might revolve cane users's lives.

Things to know about cane users

Cane users are pretty diverse, and putting us in little boxes usually isn't the best idea if you want to make a character that has substance and isn't just "the disabled one". Here some infos about cane users that might be helpful knowledge !

  • Canes don't have ages. Most cane users in media are portrayed to be old, but truly, anyone can have the need to wield a cane ! I've been using mine ever since I was 17.
  • Can users can have a large variety of problems for their canes. Some canes are used to avoid pain from effort. Some canes are used for balance purposes. Some canes are to make walking less exhausting (works the same as walking sticks !) And sometimes, it's multiple problems at once.
  • Not everyone needs their cane 24/7. Some always need it, some can make small efforts without it but overall often need it, and some people, like me, can spend quite a lot of time without it. I almost never use my cane in my house, and mostly take it outside !
  • People with canes can run. We're not necessarily slow, I'm even faster than a lot of my friends.
  • Not using a cane can come with consequences, but not always. Some people might be able to walk without a cane but then suffer horrible consequences, but for others, canes are just a commodity for specific occasions.
  • Canes don't have to be looked down upon. Look at some characters with canes that look cool as hell ! Arsène Lupin, Roguefort Cookie, Brook ... Their canes serve their style !
  • We can be pretty healthy. Some people can have canes just because they were born with a bent leg and that's it. Our cane doesn't define our health status.
  • Canes aren't a curse. Think of them as something positive. It's a tool to make our lives better. You don't see someone sitting on a chair and think "awh, it's sad that they need a chair". It's more something like "hey it's cool that this chair is here so they can sit down"

Things to do

  • Make them use their cane. And when I mean use, I mean that canes are just funky long sticks usually made out of metal. Have fun with it ! Let them use it as a weapon ! Trust me, one hit in the knees with a cane and you're DOWN. Use it to reach stuff that's too high for everyone ! Have fun. Be creative.
  • Let them decorate their cane. It's an extension of their body ! You usually put on clothes that you like, don't you ? It's the same for a cane. If they like cutesy stuff, let them paint in it pastel colors ! If they like a more flashy style, add some stickers on it ! If they're a fancy person, give them a beautiful crafted cane with jewels on it !
  • You can make them a little shy or uneasy about their cane. Some people don't feel worthy of confident enough to wield one. It's not rare to see people think they're "not disabled enough to do so"
  • But on the other hand, you can do the complete opposite !! Make them proud of that cane ! Make them act like they're feeling pretty and more confident with it ! One thing i like to think about with my own cane is that I look like a cool gentleman. That boosted my confidence immensely.

Things to avoid

  • Don't make it their whole world. And by that, I do not mean that their cane shouldn't be a defining trait of their personality. Think of Toph from ATLA. She is blind, and you usually can't think of her character without describing her as blind. However, that isn't her entire personality trait. Make cane users have a goal in life, friends who enjoy them for who they are and not just pity them, have fun ... Don't just make them the disabled one.
  • Don't try to make the character's life just a plain disaster unless it's the focus of your story and you really know what you're talking about. Having a character who's always in pain, who feels bad about relying on their cane and/or who's angry at the entire world for being disabled is a REALLY tricky subject to use if you don't want them to be either a mass of unhappiness and angst for no good reason or some inspirational porn of the character who inside is deeply tortured but outside keeps up a facade because they shouldn't cry to avoid making others uneasy.
  • Do not, and I repeat, do NOT try to heal them, especially in a magical way. Bad idea. A lot of disabled people's goal isn't to be healed. It's to live a normal life. Making it so the ultimate goal for them is to be healed makes it as if they were worthless as long as they were disabled. Making their situation better physically or mentally is one thing. Curing them completely is really bad. "But some disabled folks want to be cured !" True, true. But if you are able bodied, I'm not sure if you can have the right mind to understand all of the complex details about this situation that leads to someone's life choices and the end result may look like you think the only thing that can make disabled people happy is being freed from their condition. I think it's best to just avoid it altogether. If you need a more nuanced idea, try to give them a solution that still has a few downs ! For exemple, a prosthetic that feels like a real arm, acts like a real arm and basically replaces it perfectly is a full cure. But a prosthetic that takes time to adjust to, needs repairs sometimes and doesn't look 100% like an arm can be a better narrative choice
  • Smaller thing, but don't make the handle uneasy to wield if you draw the character design. You can decorate most of the cane, but if you have chunky spiky decorations on the place you're supposed to clench your hand over, you're gonna hurt yourself. I've seen quite a lot of jewel handles or sculpted metal handles and usually their not good. If it's detailed metal, your hand will end up cramped in little parts and it can hurt. If it's a jewel, it's so easy for it to slip out of your hand it's unpractical.

List of tropes/ideas of scenes/details about canes to help you write new situations !

  • If you walk with a cane during winter, you can't put your hand in your jacket to get warm and there's a high chance your hand will get freezing. So after a long walk, you get an excuse for another character to hold their hand and warm them up.
  • If the handle is metallic, you get the opposite problem during summer. You can burn yourself so easy ! Easy accident if you want someone to help and get closer to the disabled person without it necessarily involving their disability.
  • Canes are SUPER useful when you're walking upon heights. They make things really easy, just like hiking poles on mountains ! I live on volcanoes and whenever we clim on a harsh slope, I'm always the first to get up there. Good moment for your character to get a boost of confidence if they get all the way up somewhere before their friends !
  • The first time using your cane feels magical. If you have chronic pains, it makes you feel like your pain disapear. If you can't walk right, it feels like everything is suddenly alright. The moment where a character chooses to wield a cane can be huge for character development. It's a moment of fear because of the impact a cane has on their appearance, but also a moment of confidence and relief.
  • Canes fall. All the time. And after a while, it becomes fucking comical. Trust me, putting a cane against the wall, seeing it fall and doing it three times again in a row while it doesn't want to stay up makes you embarrassed but also makes you want to laugh because of how stupid it looks.
  • When you get a cane, you stop being invisible. When you walk outside, generally speaking, people don't look at you. They don't care about you. But when you get a cane, people start to stare at you for no other reasons that you have a cane. Half of them are just curious, especially if you're young. The other half has a very specific look. The "oh, you poor thing" look. Which is, trust me, particularly awful to get, especially when you're just existing and doing nothing special. How does your character react to this ? How do they feel about it ?

I believe that is all I had in mind. I may add some more details in the future if I get other ideas, but this should already be a good start. I would be thrilled to answer questions if you have some, either in my askbox or through DMs.

I will tag this post with characters holding canes that aren't necessarily considered cane users but that some people may be interested in writing as such. Feel free to tell me if you'd like to see tags being added !

Edit : I'm highly encouraging everyone to look at the tag section under this post where a lot of other can users are sharing their experiences !!

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headspace-hotel

This post is so good it makes me want to create a character with a cane immediately

stuckinanxietysdaydream
toastyglow
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toastyglow

I think we should start saying “the clock struck <time> and <time> struck me”, as in, I hit ten PM and suddenly realized I was tired as fuck

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toastyglow

bonus you could also use it to refer to waking up unexpectedly early or suddenly realizing it’s lunchtime and you’re hungry

stuckinanxietysdaydream
stuckasmain
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stuckasmain

Unintelligible thoughts about hadestown 2 [Recording version]

Since the last one of these blew up I thought I’d share my thoughts on the Broadway version as well, if for any other reason that it’s fun! If you’re new here from the last post when I get into stuff I get INTO it and watch whatever I can get my hands on. A few days ago I watched a decent HD recording…though they were behind someone tall and characters disappeared often but 🤷‍♀️ regardless it still makes me want to see the Broadway show SO bad. God if I ever go to New York—

Slightly more detailed because I could take notes while watching.

  • Broadway is a more permanent set, there’s no train car/door in the back. The main turntable is ALSO A PLATFORM DOOR! It’s how they move set pieces and people and we will come back to this because holy fucking shit.
  • Orpheus waves once he’s introduced (all do) he is my baby now.
  • These two have absolutely perfected the stare™️ the sheer longing and how awestruck…simply by bumping into each other.
  • The fates chase Eurydice off right after they bump into each other, from the very beginning (literally) they control the narrative and prevent them from talking.
  • Paper flower paper flower paper flower 💕 the recording is really fucking good I can see writing on them and on papers on his desk. They look like flyers for something but I can’t read it.
  • Eurydice is actually everything, she’s quite bubbly and  sarcastic. She has a wonderful balance of “high energy but I’ve been scorned to many times”. “WhO aRe You?!”
  • It’s a detail shared across productions but I like when, mainly in the beginning, the chorus also sings magnifiying orpheus’s voice to be even prettier?
  • “How did you do that?!” “I-I-I do-donno!” Poor boys terrified by a flower
  • Hades turns and starts drinking when Persephone basks in the light
  • I love the detail that every time Eurydice is even remotely happy the fates come creeping in. Leave the poor girl alone 😫
  • Once again it’s how Eurydice turns eager and touchy and Orpheus is a bit startled but just as happy and is trying his best to follow her lead and what she wants and he— god they’re so in love.
  • I have like four notes that are just “Touchhhhhhhhhh hand holding hhhhhhhhhhhhh”
  • So as I was saying the center of the turn table rises and falls, creating a plat form or a literal pit. Some of the best moments are when it remains a pit dead in the center of the stage another favorite is during chant and it’s a platform and Persephone is just “what the actual fuck did you do when I was gone?”
  • “Is it done?” “uh-uh.”
  • “I know you see the world the way it could be but for right now you gotta think in the world the way it is” - Hermes
  • I know snakes v. Songbird is for strong v weak but also could refer to her original death. In some myths she steps on a snake instead of starving,
  • GORE MAKEUP GORE MAKEUP GORE MAKEUP. I’m sad because that’s my boy but GORE MAKEUP :)
  • Turnnnnnnnn tableeeeeeee~
  • Anyways it’s the de-programming of the workers I always loose my mind alongside when they’re all on the turntable and I
  • Hades has the flower but O and E loose it in the background.
  • “Let’s go! Let’s go right now!” “Ok! Let’s go!…. How?”
  • Anyways it’s the way they always hold hands and move to protect each other and—
  • Wait for me duet💕💕💕
  • “Now the way it is ,is all I see”
  • He looks back and she sinks back into the ground and he stays on his knees like that. He stays catatonic well into the next song, staring at the pit in the ground. He slowly gets up and drags himself away RIGHT before she comes back in. Aaaaaa
  • Now it’s supposed to be a reset, and it is in a way but there is a clear look of recognition on their faces, especially Orpheus, and you just know that the narrative is the only thing keeping them from running to each other and I AAAAAAAA
stuckinanxietysdaydream
galahadwilder
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angiethewitch

having a husband who is a forensic science student who does nothing but study skeletons all day is ridiculous because we were in the middle of doing...adult....stuff....and he suddenly just grabbed my head and said "oh my god, you know you've got a healed skull fracture here?!" like WHAT do you MEAN I have a HEALED SKULL FRACTURE???

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angiethewitch

he told me my skull healed really weirdly and I probably have brain damage from it because there's a fuckin crater in the back of my skull that I just thought was a normal thing everyone has. I should probably see a doctor

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angiethewitch

update on this: he keeps like grabbing random body parts and trying (and failing) to subtly look at me and im like STOP EXAMINING ME because he's so fascinated by my fucked up skeletal structure. the other day we had Christmas drinks with my coworkers and he told me afterwards that someone in the group had a weird shaped skull and something about processes and i was like god can't you just be normal and stop examining people

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slipstreamborne

I told the person I'm dating that one reason I like old movies is because most actors don't have Hollywood-perfect smiles and I like to look at all the different shapes of their crooked teeth and misaligned bites and the way their silver and gold molar fillings flash when they talk.

They just looked at me and said "That's such an anthropologist thing to like," and honestly? No rebuttal possible.

(After this conversation I drunkenly showed them my favorite pages of my paleopathology textbook. Bless them for not immediately running as I caressed an image of a snapped femur that healed at a 90 degree angle.)

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lunetta-suzie-jewel

Me, an MT, glancing at someone's raised up/pushed inward shoulders: You sleep on your side, don't you? [Them: ...yes]

Me, an MT, barely able to knead someone's glutes bc they're fuckening brick walls who would punch my fists back if they could: You've been aggravated for a really long time, huh? [Them: ...yes]

Me, an MT, overhears someone claim their head hurts: *immediately starts massaging their neck, bc most people with headaches have neck problems* [Them, three minutes later: omg my headache's gone]

stuckinanxietysdaydream
galahadwilder
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mapsontheweb

The black areas represent the remaining natural dark skies in the United States

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largedad
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impossiblepackage

I’ve been in the middle of the ocean at night and now live in texas and it is so hard to explain to people that no, they have not ever seen the night sky. It is so hard to explain to people that what they think is a proper night sky is fucking pathetic. A disgrace.

People talk about how you can’t see stars in the city and yeah, that’s true, but their concept of “seeing stars” is being able to make out orion’s belt.

So, so few people have see the sky in all its glory and it’s not sad. It’s a fucking crime. Seeing a perfectly dark night, no clouds, not a hint of light pollution? That’s a fucking religious experience.

The sky the vast vast majority of us grew up with is not the sky that inspired us to look up. It is not the sky that inspired constellations. You can’t even see most constellations.

Your ancestors looked at the night sky and said “surely, that is where the gods must live.” And you might be lucky if you can see hardly more than a handful of stars.

The sky is full, fucking FULL, of stars, and you’ve never seen them.

light pollution is also actively harmful to many species of birds, mammals, and insects

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neil-gaiman

I took this photo on the Isle of Skye, in a place with no light pollution. Skies can look like this.

stuckinanxietysdaydream
galahadwilder
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borderlinereminders

Please stop attacking the past versions of you. They were doing their best at the time and they got you here. It’s amazing how much progress you’ve made and how much you’ve grown but please don’t think your past self lacked worth in any way.

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talestobetold

Please stop attacking the past versions of you. We don’t know how you managed to violate the Intergalactic Time Travel Convention but you’re going to cause a paradox eventually and we’ll have to reset the time stream to the last safe state and it’ll cost a ton and be a whole thing

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vayalda

The two sides of tumblr

stuckinanxietysdaydream
the-haiku-bot
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hisclockworkservants

Seeker of Knowledge, a short comic I made! :D

I saw the tree bearing the furits of knowledge. I did not pick from it.
I saw the beast of old wisdom upon a stone, who was seeked by kings and emperors. I did not ask from it.
I saw the spring beneath the tree, gleaming with truth and screts. I did not drink from it.
I followed the flow of the stream to a great abyss. And I looked.
In it, I saw the great coils of the universe. Breathing a rhythm.
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the-haiku-bot

In it, I saw the

great coils of the universe.

Breathing a rhythm.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

stuckinanxietysdaydream
toasty-owl-arts
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spandexbutterfly4lyfe

Okay I’m currently furious that migraines are often so blindly easy to treat and I had to find this out myself at the age of 26 when I’ve been to a neurologist since I was 11 lol so I’m about to teach you two neat and fast little tricks to deal with pain!

The first is the sternocleidomastoid muscle, or the SCM muscle.

This big red section is responsible for pain around the eye, cheekbone, and jaw, as well as some temple pain. Literally all you have to do is angle your head down a little, angle it away from the side that hurts, and then you can gently pinch and rub that muscle. I find it best to start at the bottom and travel upwards. The relief is so immediate! You can increase pressure as you feel comfortable doing so.

Here is a short and easy video showing this in action

The second is a fast and easy stretch that soothes your vagus nerve, which is the nerve responsible for calming you down. The vagus nerve, for those unfamiliar, is stimulated by deep breathing such as yawning, sighing, singing, or taking a deep breath to calm your anger in a tense situation.

You can stretch this out by sitting up as straight as possible (this does not have to be perfect to work) and interlacing your fingers. Put your hands on the back of your head with your thumbs going down the sides of your neck and, while keeping your face forward, look all the way to one side with just your eyes. Hold that until you feel the urge to breathe deeply or yawn, or until you can tell there’s a change. Then do the same thing on the other side. When you put your arms down, you should clearly be able to turn your head farther in both directions. If the first session doesn’t get rid of your migraine, rest and repeat as many times as necessary. I even get a little fancy with it and roll my eyes up and down along the outer edge sometimes to stretch as much as I can.

If you need a visual here’s a good video on it. I know some of the language they use seems questionable but this is real and simple science and should not be discarded because it’s been adopted by the trendy wellness crowd!

I seriously cannot believe I didn’t hear a word of this from any doctor in my life. Additionally, if you get frequent recurring migraines, you may want to see a dietician. Migraines can be caused by foods containing histamines, lectin, etc. and can also be caused by high blood pressure in specific situations such as exercise, stress, and even sex.

If any of this information helps you I’d love to hear it btw! It’s so so fast and easy to do. Good luck!

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mushroomsandteeth

*currently suffering from a horrible migraine. Tries this*

Are you fucking shitting me it works!?