hi...

i’ve never publicly posted anything like this and i never thought i would but i’m high as fuck and feel like i need to get this out. nobody knows who i am on tumblr and i think that’s how this will be the perfect outlite. i’ve been a self harmer since the fifth grade. i don’t know how my little brain came across slicing my skin as a coping mechanism but dammit it did and shit did i ever get addicted. i felt like i was finally able to control something in my life but little did i know it was just another thing i couldn’t get w grasp on. 4 years after i started my self harm i was able to stop. i became my friends inspiration for getting through hard times and digging yourself out of a hole your mind created. but things slowly, then all @ once got bad again. i started thinking about cutting again, like an alcoholic craves a drink, i just craved a blade. it got so bad that after 1 year and 8 months, i relapsed. and was actually disappointed that i didn’t leave worse marks. DISAPPOINTED i didn’t hurt myself enough. i’m fucking things up w my friends and the people who mean the most to me and things just keep falling apart around me w/o warning and i’m loosing my footing. the world is too intense for me and i just feel like staying inside all day bc maybe if i don’t do anything, i can’t fuck things up again. i forget what it was like to be actually happy and not falling deeper than you have before. i hate myself more than ever and am terrified i’m stuck w myself for the rest of my god damn life. i never want anyone to ever feel like this, i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. mental health is real. and it’s a fucking massive issue that needs more recognition. be nice to everyone - you don’t know what’s going on in their head.