indisputably, it’s guys

10% of proceeds from this batch will go to Feed the Block San Jose. thanks for looking at em! 

Pre-time-skip Itachi from Volume 16 and Volume 17

Vivienne Westwood Spr/Sum 2012

Greek mythology reimagined; Perseus as Medusa. Finally got around to finishing this!

*writes I LIKE GIRLS on every other page of my journals so future historians don’t try to insist that I’m straight”

Future straight Historians: “we see several examples of her prioritizing a sisterly bond with the women around her, for example on page 12 she says ‘I like girls’ and throughout the text she references loving women and preferring their company. This is not to say she prioritized above her romantic relationships because on page 78 she mentions talking to a man one time in her life. It’s hard to know just how much she valued her sisterly bond with women due to this one reference of men and the ambiguity of early 21st century slang. For example on page 12 when she said she liked women, the passage continues ’…in a lesbian way. I want to kiss girls, they are so pretty, I’m so gay.’ Now it’s difficult to understand just what that sentence means. We know that in the early 21st century kissing on the cheek in greeting had gone out of vogue but the word gay, a word with an archaic meaning of happiness gives the contextual clues that perhaps she is references that old fashioned practice.

Going back to the nameless man that is mentioned once on page 78 for one sentance…”

“Now, given that she wrote on page 12, ‘Just to be clear: I’m sexually and romantically attracted to women exclusively,’ one may be tempted to read this literally, but we can’t rule out sarcasm.”

It may seem like @vilesbian is joking, but she really isn’t. 

debate: is a really long sword-length but still otherwise knife-like knife valid to be considered a knife, or is it now a sword because it’s long

@nagunkgunk

It’s a knword and it’s Valid

I don’t wanna like Kill The Joke but this brings up a really cool fact about swords in ~14th-16th century Germany! The only people who were allowed to own Real Swords were the royalty and nobility BUT! Everyone else was allowed to own knives. The definition of a knife, however, was based on not length but handle construction, and to some extent how it was sharpened. The handle had to be constructed Like So with 2 pieces of wood sandwiching the metal tang.

Only one edge was allowed to be sharpened, but oftentimes a small part (a couple inches) of the short edge (e.g. the edge that wasn’t sharp) would be sharpened, and weapon design often allowed for this

In this way, something that looked like This, a messer of just over a meter in length…

…would be legally considered a knife, and therefore allowable for non-nobility to possess. (you can also see the bit on the back of the tip that would be sharpened)

So @swordmutual, there’s a not definitive but certainly interesting historical perspective on your question

Has @petermorwood seen this?

That thing about how cats think humans are big kittens is a myth, y’know.

It’s basically born of false assumptions; folks were trying to explain how a naturally solitary animal could form such complex social bonds with humans, and the explanation they settled on is “it’s a displaced parent/child bond”.

The trouble is, cats aren’t naturally solitary. We just assumed they were based on observations of European wildcats - but housecats aren’t descended from European wildcats. They’re descended from African wildcats, which are known to hunt in bonded pairs and family groupings, and that social tendency is even stronger in their domesticated relatives. The natural social unit of the housecat is a colony: a loose affiliation of cats centred around a shared territory held by alliance of dominant females, who raise all of the colony’s kittens communally.

It’s often remarked that dogs understand that humans are different, while cats just think humans are big, clumsy cats, and that’s totally true - but they regard us as adult colonymates, not as kittens, and all of their social behaviour toward us makes a lot more sense through that lens.

They like to cuddle because communal grooming is how cats bond with colonymates - it establishes a shared scent-identity for the colony and helps clean spots that they can’t easily reach on their own.

They bring us dead animals because cats transport surplus kills back to the colony’s shared territory for consumption by pregnant, nursing, or sick colonymates who can’t easily hunt on their own. Indeed, that’s why they kill so much more than they individually need - it’s not for fun, but to generate enough surplus kills to sustain the colony’s non-hunting members.

They’re okay with us messing with their kittens because communal parenting is the norm in a colony setting, and us being colonymates in their minds automatically makes us co-parents.

It’s even why many cats are so much more tolerant toward very small children, as long as those children are related to one of their regular humans: they can tell the difference between human adults and human “kittens”, and your kittens are their kittens.

Basically, you’re going to have a much easier time getting a handle on why your cat does why your cat does if you remember that the natural mode of social organisation for cats is not as isolated solitary hunters, but as a big communal catpile - and for that purpose, you count as a cat.

I made these last year and people loved them, I’m going to make another batch. This is the sweater yo.

Available here

HEX GRLZ   💀 💀

AW YAAASSSSSSSS

my childhood crushes

true as hell

I planted black hollyhock and irises this year! 

A+ content important I would also suggest soft goth things such as 

blackbird euphorbia (maybe tender here maybe niagara goths can have u)

black negligee bugbane 

chocoholic bugbane (tbh all bugbane is prolific and spoopy and wonderful)

hellebore black swan maybe also tender?

black truffle cardinal flower

the ever fave heuchera obsidian 

britt marie crawford ligularia FAVE JURASSIC LOOKING BB

and obv purple smokebush for soft goth smoke monster vibes 

thank the dark goddess for you! Saving this post! 

Black pearl pepper is another good one, I can attest that they look really cool in person. Aside from being ornamental, the little peppers are edible, and I think decently hot? I haven’t tasted them though so idk about that part

Black Pearl plants are EXTREMELY drought hardy and the peppers taste great, yes! I love mine even though I’ve given it less than stellar care; I’ve had it for…almost 10 years I think!

These pictures are so cute and so is the article.

Black Mondo grass also.

Also this is a tropical moat places but bat flower/ Tacca chantieri

Bat flower

The Freaky Ass Furniture of Catherine The Great

This is Catherine The Great. She was a legendary Empress of Russia and ruled longer than any other leader, and she did a damn good job by all accounts. People loved her, she worked hard, she was smart, and she was also one of the proudest motherfucking freaks in HISTORY. She proved to the world that just because you look a little like Lady John Lithgow does not mean you are undesirable, and just because you’re royalty does not mean you can’t be a horny goddess of filth.

There’s this rumor that Catherine’s biggest conquest was a literal goddamn horse, but historians believe that it’s just a sick rumor that some hating ass bitches made up because they were intimidated that a woman could not only be in charge of a country but of her own sexual predilections. HMM, THANK GOD TIMES HAVE CHANGED???

Anyway, Catherine used her money to finance this fuck pad room in her castle that was an homage to doin’ the nasty. Catherine’s Pinterest board must have looked like a fucking PornHub screenshot because this is what that beautiful proud slut decorated her lair with:

A chair that is so classically beautiful and…oh my damn…what in the hell..

IS THAT CHAIR SUCKING A DAMN DICK?

THAT IS THE DEVIL AND HE IS EATING A PUSSY LIKE HELLFIRE’S GONNA SHOOT OUT OF IT

YOU NOT A BAD BITCH UNLESS YOUR OFFICE CHAIR HAS A PANTALOON-LESS VULVA AIRING ITSELF OUT ON IT. 

THERE ARE GIANT WANGS GROWING OUT OF GIANT CHI-CHIS HOLDING UP A CORNUCOPIA OF FINELY-CRAFTED, CLASSICAL ASS, BAROQUE ASS, ROCOCO ASS GENITALS. HOW THE FUCK YOU GONNA GO TO IKEA AFTER THIS SHIT? 

I wish there were more pictures of the original pieces, but in the 50′s some uptight German Army dipshits destroyed her collection because it gave them shameful boners or something. An artist has recreated her utilitarian odes to fuck, but it is truly sad that we cultured skanks can never appreciate such high art in its original glory. Damn, Cathy. Respect.

THIS IS AMAZING.

Catherine the Great is my spirit animal for so many reasons, not least THIS.

A DICK TABLE

…a whole dick table

The day I stop reblogging this assume I’m dead.

I guess you could say her taste in furniture was pretty pro-dick-table.

so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count

holy f uck jane

its a serious question

well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.

new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing

no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.

you gotta digest it.

so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?

huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?

Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”

“you what now”

i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic

now that u said it im really surprised as well

what the fuck did i just read

Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?

I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.

I’m not convinced by this, actually!

Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”

But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:

Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.

The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.

(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)

Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.

And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”

Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years. 

Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”

“you what now”

This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.

This is what makes tumblr a, err.. magical place, so to speak.

“…showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years. “ What I’m picturing here is that it’s the groom they’re handing the horse to, and he has this desperate/horrified look on his face as he turns to his bride who has the blankest expression on her face.  “Sweetheart, honey, I swear I can explain…”  “No…”  she says, and he looks devastated.  “You don’t understand…” and another fanfare blasts out with butterflies and sparkly shit in the air as another parade of fey rolls out baskets of magical fruit and a magical robe for her.

@dj-rosietta @craftypoptropiqueen so about seanachai

“This is what makes tumblr a magical place” A magical place where we talk about the last fairy you blew and who owes who because of the deed.

“Art History” or as i like to call it Ye Old Big Memes class

Please spread this gem like wildfire.