I’m about to have a fun afternoon.

So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.

She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.

This should make for an interesting story.

So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.

Arrival:

So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”

Retrieval:

So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.

Delivery:

So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.

What a great day.

I was thinking about this story for no reason and decided I should grace you all with it again.

can he sit on your dash for a minute?? he'll be very polite :]

you have to start to scroll away and then come back and reblog this

Hey students, here’s a pro tip: do not write an email to your prof while you’re seriously sick.

Signed, a person who somehow came up with “dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to come tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, [name]”.

I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.

“Slutantions” has me crying laughing

i once emailed my professor with a migraine. a mistake.

“I amsick will not to choir because i have a heache. i Hope its very and i am so sorry

love,

blue”

the subject line was “OW”

THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”

As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”

Reblogging for the last addition

Claritin makes me weird, but I have allergies so there’s about a month and a half block of time where I’m taking Claritin and am just weird most of the time.

Anyway, my last year of college, I got the flu or something in late March and was also taking Mucinex. I told my professor I couldn’t come to class one day by email except I couldnt think of what to say, so my medicated ass decided to make a Fry meme. I think it said something like “Not sure if I can go to class with a head the size of Texas, bottom text.” I didn’t think until the next day that it probably wasn’t socially-acceptable to tell your philosophy professor you weren’t coming to class via Tumblr style memes. When i got back to class, i found that she’d printed it out and taped it to the classroom bulletin board.

Oh shit you guys i turned on my WinXP laptop that I used to use back then.

IT WAS ON THE DESKTOP. THIS IS WHAT I SENT.

It’s even worse than i remember it

I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.

Once emailed a professor from my hospital bed high on painkillers after a really bad car crash which my heart actually stopped the email “Dead cant class sory”

i know this please help me

if you seek skeek at my slorse you hate me at my worst

HOW THE FUCK DOES THE SYAING GO

cool news i think i have some thing wrong with me

it happened again

new development in my brain loss story: i deadass just forgot what jerma was called

i couldn’t make this up if i tried

i still have NO idea what OP means by 'Jerma'. That's, not a thing. I just get random twt account when I google the name.

i wish i was you.

hey guys great news. guess who saw a doctor recently and it turns out my shitty comprehension skills that coincidentally got worse around the same time i got hit in the head with a spinning loose bench board in middle school probably wasnt just an autism thing and chances are i have aphasia that’s just been unchecked this whole time

I hope OP is okay but my god am I dying of laughter

#OP I’m glad you got help and I’m sorry that happened to you #but your aphasia has made me weep with laughter

the annoying thing about adhd is that like, most of the symptoms you can’t even argue are “evolutionary flaws” or “chemical imbalances.” literally it’s just that it’s not good for lining somebody else’s pockets. being “distractible” helps people notice predators or juicy berries out of the corners of their eyes. hyperfocusing on a task until it’s done is literally exactly in line with what an alleged persistence predator would need to do to actually follow through on hunting other animals. there’s so many little things that are obviously beneficial to have outside of a fucking factory assembly line

NEUROLOGICAL DIVERSITY IS AS IMPORTANT TO SURVIVAL AS GENETIC DIVERITY, and OUR CONCEPT OF DISABILITY AND NEURODIVERGENCE IS BUILT ON A FOUNDATION OF OUR OWN MAKING

When I lived out in the woods and spent my time herding sheep and hunting bullfrogs, nobody gave two shits that I walked around barefoot and said whatever popped into my head out loud.

My hyperfocus and poor sense of time made me a hard worker, my compulsion to sort and organize random crap kept the property clean, and my special interest in native flora and fauna meant I could go out into the woods thanksgiving morning and come home with all the pricy mushrooms and herbs we couldn’t normally afford otherwise.

Who cared that I was awkward? There was nobody around except the occasional customer or temp worker, and those kinds of interactions could be entirely scripted.

Who cared that I dressed funny, had frizzy, dry hair, talked flat, and ate raw onions? Who gave two shits that I built forts out of scrap metal and twine? How did it matter that I passed time running in circles over old truck chassis’?

There were no bright lights, no packed-in crowds, no huge collections of shouty, screamy, smelly people. Nobody stared at me for more than a few seconds. Nobody critiqued my body language.

I was a bit odd, yeah, but all I knew was that I was smart and creative and better than other people at fixing problems.

I went damn near fifteen years out there not even suspecting I might be autistic. Nobody even thought to bring it up.

Now I’m in the city, and I have a hard time going into the middle of a store. I hate the mall. My eyes hurt. Ambulances and fire trucks and cars with bad brakes go by and I cover my ears and nobody else does. I’ve been told I come off as “quirky”.

My question is, though, if an atypical person is in an environment that suits them, can anyone tell?

Most folks only know who’s blind when the lights are on. If the sky went dark tomorrow, we’d have no idea.

this is what rick riordan was on about

battle reflexes!

press Ⓧ to PENIS BLAST

something beautiful is happening

Sum creechurs :3

M-M-M-MULTIKILL!

Like to charge reblog to cast

You’re not casting

Parents who say, "If you're feeling well enough to play video games, you're feeling well enough to go to school!" don't seem to realize they are equating an extremely low impact leisure activity with a high stress and difficult involuntary obligation.

Source: reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts

Plus, you know. You can’t really give Luigi strep throat

Studies have shown that active distractions like video games can lower pain and discomfort better than passive distractions like watching tv

If you’re feeling well enough to play video games then you can use it as a symptom reducer just like we use cold medicine to make us feel better so we can relax

WE DID IT BABYYYYYYY

YEAHHHHHHHH

ok seeing some people not sure what this means so to summarize it:

hypothetically speaking, if we could produce nuclear fusion on a commercial scale it would provide us with totally clean and practically unlimited energy. no radiation, no pollution, just energy. fusion is actually the process that powers the sun itself, so scientists have been attempting to recreate fusion for decades because it's essentially the 'holy grail' of clean energy sources.

up until now, while we've technically been able to recreate fusion, it has always taken more energy to actually make fusion occur compared to the energy the reaction puts out. but now we've finally had a reaction happen where it produced more energy than it cost. meaning that nuclear fusion is going to be seen as a fully viable and possible energy resource, so more funding will be put into it to try and improve the process. we're still decades away from potentially using it as an energy source, but this is a HUGE step towards unlimited energy with no environmental repercussions

here's an article on it!

I reblogged this yesterday, but I want to reblog it again. Diabetic ketoacidosis turns your blood acidic and will essentially burn you from the inside out.

The stories you hear of people dying from rationing, this is what happens to their body.

Affordable insulin isn’t just a right, it’s a necessity.

No one should have to die like that when it’s preventable with access to proper medication.

update on what's happening in Iran:

Based on the news you have heard that they 'abolished' the mortality police.

but today when I woke up and checked the new, 2 of the famous actresses who took their hijab off yesterday, Elnaz Shakerdoost and Shaghaiegh Dehghan have been summoned by the police.

an amusement park was closed permanently (for now) cause one of the female workers wasn't wearing hijab.

they are lying. they just abolished the mortality police to calm the protests, they don't care about women now as they didn't care all these damn 43 years.

DON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT IRAN. OUR ONLY PROBLEM IS NOT THE FORCED HIJAB; THE ISLAMIC REPUBLIC NEEDS TO GO.

definitely DON’T click on this text to access a drive folder for mp100 s3 that i definitely WON’T be trying my best to update every wednesday

slime video art fnaf elsagate 3d roblox extra crunchy scary games dawko ninja fortnight pubg poppy playtime.

i owe you my life

the dehumanization of russian citizens and the refusal to think of them as people separate from the atrocities of their government as is afforded to anyone else who lives in a "good" country is fucking insane. hey man you didn't fight and die in an attempt to overthrow the bush regime and end the war on terror so i guess you're a brainwashed pig and you deserve what's coming to you.

they're making the sims 4 base game free to play for everyone forever next month

it's gonna be free on every platform too, consoles and computers. October 18th

if you've never played or you've always been interested but deterred by the price NOWS YOUR CHANCE

you can use this tool to get all the dlcs for free, last I checked it works fine on a legal copy

and mods are half the magic. here's how to install them and here's a bunch of gameplay tweaks.

this is just cosmetic stuff but i highly recommend it:

huge directory of cc

noblu/noglo

no white outline

if you find a sims player that you like the style of, check their tumblr for a resources page. they'll often list most of what they use.

have fun and make sure you look for mod updates after each game update

REPOST THIS ANYWHERE YOU LIKE AS OFTEN AS YOU LIKE.

[image id: a series of 6 images discouraging engagement with Amazon’s Lord of the Rings Show.

Image 1: AMAZON HAS SAID that the success or failure of The Rings of Power will determine the future of their streaming service.

(A screenshot of a tweet from Media Insider, which says “Amazon insiders say its $1 billion ‘Lord of the Rings’ series will determine the company’s streaming future”)

Image 2: DO YOUR PART!

Image 3: AMAZON IS:

Image 4: DON’T GIVE THEM (an arrow points to the Amazon logo) MORE POWER!

(A screenshot of Amazon’s “Cancel Membership” button)

FIGHT BACK BY KEEPING SILENT!

Image 5: FIGHT THE REAL ENEMY (three arrows point at the Amazon logo)

Stay focused on our true opponents!

Remember: CORPORATIONS NOT COMMON PEOPLE

Image 6: THEY HAVEN’T WON YET

don’t give them the chance! silence wins the war!

End image id.]

Hey with all the piracy going on, be careful

you don’t know what could have a virus, don’t blindly trust random people on tumblr/twitter offering free cartoons!

I’ve been pirating stuff a couple years and I want to give some advice in case someone hasn’t done it before

-The piracy subreddit (reddit.com/r/piracy) is a great place to start, there’s a guide there that can give you links to everything you would want (streaming sites,torrenting sites,where to get roms,what torrenting programs to use ect.)

- if your streaming ALWAYS USE A AD BLOCKER (and cookie clearer if you want extra protection) piracy sites 99% of the time are full of ads and pop-ups. If you don’t want to a bunch of local milfs in your area ads covering your screen use a ad blocker. Any ad blocker will work but I’m currently using ublock origin + privacy badger

-if your torrenting ALWAYS USE A VPN,even if it’s a free shitty one. If you don’t use a VPN your isp could try to shut off your internet if you get caught pirating or you could be fined if you live in certain countries, also its generally safer. If you don’t have the money to pay for a VPN I would recommend proton vpn, it’s free and it doesn’t keep logs (which means you data isn’t being kept and sold like most free vpns)

- this is mentioned in the megathread on r/piracy but I’ll mention it here just to make sure. try to avoid using pirate bay,it’s full of malware and viruses. Also don’t use utorrent (when you install it it also installs a bitcoin miner), I would recommend using qbittorrent instead.

hell world hell world hell world

WHY DOES YOUR SOAP NEED INTERNET

Anyway this is your reminder to STOP BUYING SMART DEVICES THAT AREN’T NECESSARY.

Your soap does not need to connect to the internet. Your fridge does not need to be able to track the temperature in other countries. Your stove shouldn’t talk to you

This is not “technology bad” this is “these corporations are tracking you and your movements at ALL TIMES OF THE DAY.” They know your every move down to when you wash your hands after you take a shit. Alexa and Siri were the first introduction to this, and once people got used to them on their phones, they put them in their own little gadgets for your house.

And then they connected those gadgets to the lights. To the doors. To the window locks. To the thermostat.

You should be TERRIFIED at how many things are becoming “smart” these days. It’s yet another way for companies to sell to you, and, in a worst case scenario, it can be the thing that puts you in harms way.

Imagine you’re running a little late on your electric bill, and your fridge is a “smart” fridge. And because you’re running late on your payment they just….lock your fridge. Not shut the electricity off. Lock your fridge. Because fridges can now be locked remotely. You can no longer access your food until you pay them.

Cops want to know if you’ve been to any protests recently? They can track that handy dandy smart watch you decided to wear, even though you left your phone in the car. They can tell if you were home all day or lying.

Abusive partner or family member? They can shut off your support systems everywhere. Decide when you get to eat, if you do. Decide how hot or cold the house should be to make you suffer. Turn off the oven in the middle of you cooking dinner bc you upset them. Lock you in. Lock you out.

Your appliances, your LIFE, should not be surrounded by smart tech. Buy normal clocks. Get normal soap dispensers. Keep a pen and paper on the fridge to write down your grocery list. Set a manual timer for the oven. Wear a normal watch that only tells time. Get a step counter that clips to your belt.

Phone, laptop, TV. Those are the only things that make sense being “smart.” Everything else is one step closer to a dystopian novel that you don’t want to be in.

Your phone already tracks your every step. Don’t give every other thing in your life that ability.

And here’s the thing! It’s not only something that can cause you problems if you’re late to pay bills or have abusive partners/family or are doing something the government may not take kindly to!

Let’s say, hypothetically, you do literally nothing. Well, turns out there’s a bug in the fridge software that sets the temperature to 60 degrees when it receives some unexpected input from your fridge app. Or the manufacturer pushes out an involuntary fridge update and now, while the update is downloading, sorry! your the fridge doesn’t open until the update is done.

And these are only the issues that affect you. Generally, Smart Device manufacturers do not think for even one second about the security of their devices. So, this means that hackers will see well known and publicized security holes that have been easily available for literal years but the manufacturer is simply too lazy to fix, use those holes to get into devices, and use those devices as bots to attack whoever they please (and, as a bonus, it look like it’s coming from your home!)

You’d think that this sounds like something out of a horror movie but this is the reality we live in RIGHT NOW. Many of the largest botnets (e.g. the Mirai botnet) in the world consist largely of compromised smart/IoT (internet of things) devices.

So uh just give it some thought before you buy the SmartChair3000 – it’s probably not as cool as it sounds :P

A few “fun” smart device things I recall off the top of my head:

The smart grill that had an automatic update pushed out on Thanksgiving so this guy couldn’t start cooking dinner.

A smart washer a reddit user found was consuming 1GB of data a day due to a bug.

The LG Home Hack which allowed hackers to control a variety of LG smart devices.

Ring devices enabling police overreach by creating a surveillance network that allows police to circumvent warrants and spy on people who have committed no crimes.

Wasnt there that one story where some people on a roadtrip where stranded becusse their car got hacked?

Also those scary ass videos of weirdos hacking people baby monitors and would talk/spy/record people toddlers.

@drukhari

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