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Thinking in Stereo

@stereothinker / stereothinker.tumblr.com

Gabi (her/she) | personal blog of @howtomusicmajor | a real adult somehow | probably procrastinating

ken getting arrested alongside barbie after she punches the guy who smacks her ass presents so many possibilities

  1. ken saw barbie punch the douchebag and was like “LET’S MAKE THIS A PARTY” and joined in on the smackdown
  2. alternatively, the guy’s friends tried to jump in and ken wasn’t having ANY of that
  3. ken saw barbie getting shoved into a big car with bright lights on the top and was like “OH BOY! can i come too?? 😊😊” and just kind of tagged along
  4. alternatively, he realized what was going on and was like “EXCUSE ME OFFICER i too have committed A Crime so please show me to The Jail with my beautiful girlfriend” so they wouldn’t be separated
  5. ken got in trouble for trying to help barbie escape but in his defense no one TOLD him resisting arrest is a crime because no one told him what being arrested or crime is
  6. ken didn’t know who these men showing up to take his girlfriend away were, but he could see she was very upset and excuse?? you cannot take barbie away from ken without her permission??? so long story short, ken punched a cop
  7. ken fully burned something down earlier and the cops were like “two birds one stone” when they came to get barbie

The "and Ken" sign says so much. Not only do the police identify him as some crazily dressed guy just tagging along with an equally crazily dressed girl who just decked someone in the face, they also cuff him even though it seems like he hasn't done anything because he tagged along with his girlfriend even to get arrested.

He's an accessory even to a convicted Barbie. You do not separate a Ken from his Barbie even in jail. Ken is having the time of his life even in incarceration because he's there with Barbie.

He's an accessory... TO CRIME

breakdown of why moon’s haunted is the tweet of all time

- the implication that the nasa spaceship got back to earth, from the moon, without nasa knowing

- nasa employee is super chill about it

- theres just a gun lying around

- the astronaut is taking a gun and nothing else to fight ghosts

- moon’s haunted

I think it's so funny how we bred JOBS into dogs. I have two shih tzus and they were bred to be lap dogs. All they care about is looking cute and cuddling with people. Meanwhile my grandma has a border collie and that dog needs to feel so useful all the time, he acts like he will pass away if he doesn't have a job to do constantly

On one hand this is extremely fucking funny, but on the other hand, it really boggles my mind how many people punish their dogs for just… doing the thing they were bred to do.

Your husky isn’t “hyperactive”, it’s bred to pull sleds for 8 hours straight and you have it in a 400 sq ft yard.

Your English sheepdog isn’t “pushy”, it’s bred to herd sheep, and you have neither to space nor the herd to allow it.

Your terrier isn’t “nippy”, it’s bred to kill rats and your hamster looks a hell of a lot like one.

Your Catahoula isn’t “mean to animals”, it’s bred to hunt any and all animals smaller than it, and you didn’t acclimate it to your cat.

Your Lhasa Apso isn’t “yappy”, it’s bred to bark at any tiny noise and alert watchmen to intruders

Like Jesus Christ, if you can’t provide an environment where your dog can’t fulfill its literal life purpose, maybe?? Don’t get that dog??? And if you do, maybe know the breed characteristics so you can redirect those traits into more constructive outlets????

Both your most common doodle's parts (labra and golden) want to hunt and retrieve water birds so the best suggestion I can give y'all is congratulations on your new duck hunting hobby.

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tags from @gnarlystarships because YEAH

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Man i wish the world could be as simple as it is for yall. Sometimes people cant exactly control what dog breed they get. I had to rescue a german shepherd mix from an abusive person. Im not exactly someone who likes to hunt or whatever tf they like to do that gives them such a high prey drive. Am i supposed to give her to some cop or military dude? Literally whats the ideal solution here. I cant exactly just give her The Life Best Suited For Her Breed and i doubt yall are gonna buy a shit ton of sheep just so your border collie can be happy.

Are dogs in the human society or wherever only allowed to be adopted if theyre the *appropriate* type of dog? Because so many working dogs then are going to be euthanized if people are just supposed to get lap dogs, which most people should by your metric, given the fact most people are too busy and sedentary.

Sure its bad we now have all these working breeds. But what do you expect people to do exactly about it? We dont just have infinite farmers waiting for border collies or mushers for huskies in the fuckin south

We can talk all day about how Bad the situation is, but it is the situation. So what are we going to do from here? Whats the best solution for people who ALREADY HAVE those types of dogs and CANT provide them with the best ideal life which is super unlikely for them to gain and are more likely to be euthanized before ever gaining?

as someone who grew up around dogs, and whose best friend’s family bred terriers, the solution really is to just get people more educated on the nature of the dog they’re adopting and get them to understand that it is a commitment to adopt a dog bred for working. bc at a certain point it becomes a quality of life problem for the dog. you might not be able to just move to the country and buy a shit ton of sheep, but you can make sure you take your border collie on at least one walk every day, or if you can afford to pay a dogwalker that’s also an option. if you can move somewhere with a yard so your dog can run around outside that’s ideal, but if you can’t then walking them around the neighborhood as often as you can is a must. otherwise these dogs are gonna be miserable. obviously being stuck in an apartment is better than being stuck in a kennel at a shelter, but it really is important for owners to do their research before they take dogs into their homes so they know how best to provide for them or what kind of accommodations they can offer.

m4ge-deactivated20210331

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

  1. kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes
  2. text your landlord
  3. remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response
  4. briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada
  5. remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 
  6. look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”
  7. remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you
  8. enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday
  9. order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.
  10. exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.
  11. return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open
  12. back up
  13. ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead
  14. release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it
  15. you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways
  16. the door swings open
  17. run up the stairs
  18. open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat
  19. cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home
  20. write tumblr post
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homosexyslav

this has a better plot than 90% of action movies

In words of Drowning Pool:

"Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the...FLOOOOOOOOR!"

(click images for better quality)

This is a couple of MONTHS ahead of negotiations:

Also something important for anyone who knows any SAG-AFTRA people on here:

“but shrouded black figures are scary!” not when ur muslim. its the funniest fucking thing. this is labeled on pinterest under shit like “classic horror” “scary phone wallpaper”

but that LITERALLY just looks like a niqabi or someone in a jilbab. Like Look at this pic of me (from a self photoshoot, now w/o the dramatic lighting and dark background)

or this pic of me

or this pic of me

like its so funny i can’t be scared of shrouded figures it just looks like me.

if i saw this i would just be like “Assalam alaikum sister, dope sword you got there”

I mean I think a part of the ‘scary background’ bit is the thing where the individual in question is staring directly at the viewer from a foggy pond in a dense forest. And also the literal burning halo

sounds like a normal Friday night. if a sister wants to go on a walk in the evening who am i to stop her. if she has a burning halo that’s the will of god.

Alhamdulillah sister, Allah SWT has given you a burning halo. That’s dope

lesbianparamores-deactivated202

does anyone have that picture of the mlm couple kissing with a wlw couple kissing on their shoulders I can’t find it

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rebelromance

never mind I found it and it’s still adorable

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rebelromance

if anyone else wants to see this

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runicbinary

I love this, though, because my favorite thing about Superman is he isn’t Batman. I love Batman too, but Superman isn’t a dude who decided to live his life in pursuit of a vendetta against society when he was eight and then just did nothing for the next two decades but get super jacked, become the world’s greatest detective, and memorize every strategy used by every winner in every field of competition in history. Superman is a very good-hearted person who knows how to bale hay, use AP Stylebook, and break meteors into manageable bite-sized pieces by hitting them real hard. And I’m not saying Superman isn’t smart. He’s a bright guy, he’s just not like, one of the celebrated geniuses of the DC Universe. The best thing about Superman is he is basically a normal dude who happens to be orders of magnitude stronger than anyone else. Normal dudes have brain farts. Normal dudes are presented with a life-or-death situation they have less than four seconds to resolve and make a decision that is not optimal. Normal dudes aren’t typically asked to rescue a child from a 10,000 ton machine bearing down on him at 85mph, but if they were, they would probably sometimes panic a little and do dumb shit like ruin a train when they could have just whisked the child to safety.

I think sometimes Superman makes the wrong decision, not necessarily to the result of extreme catastrophe, but something like this, where everyone is standing around clapping and cheering and the kid’s parents are weeping in gratitude and they want to pose for a picture for the 6 o’ clock news with Superman and the conductor, and in the crowd someone is like “Why didn’t he fly the kid out of the way?” and rather than rolling with the fact that the emperor is naked his friend just says “Shut up, Drew, it’s Superman.”

And then, because I also love Batman for very different reasons, I imagine that later on the same day Bruce Wayne gets a phone call and Clark Kent is like “Hey, Wayne, I uh, need a favor.”

“Do you now.”

“Yeah, I, uh, kind of owe the Union Pacific Railroad $60,000.”

“Oh, and why’s that?”

“Come on, don’t do this to me. It was all over the news.”

“I’m prepared to write you a no-strings-attached check for the full amount on the condition that you explain your entire thought process from beginning to end.”

Anyway, that’s why I like Superman.

I think this is very accurate. One time a tree fell on me in the forest and while it would have made more sense to simply jump to the side and avoid it my idiot brain went through the fight-or-flight options and apparently chose fight, so I reached out my hand and caught the tree, then dropped it on the ground beside me. Ended up fracturing my wrist and wondering why the fuck my brain thought that was the best option for survival. I don’t think people are good at really weighing the optimal choices in moments of crisis. 

Bruce: “New Justice League policy. I am willing to pay for whatever damages you guys do in the name of justice and saving lives, but you have to write up a report detailing how the damage occured, including your thought process. Every once in a while, I will complie them into a presentation that we will go through as a whole to determine how you could have mitigated the collateral damage.”

Clark: “This is going to be a ‘name and shame’ type of thing, isn’t it?”

Bruce, lying through his teeth: “Of course not, don’t be ridiculous. This is to improve ourselves.”

The ones who admit “I don’t know what happened here” get a pass on shaming but they still get the alternative suggestions list

And on nights when he really needs a break, Bruce pulls those presentations out, watches the video, and laughs his tits off.

Bat “You WHAT Now?” Man

so called feminists: "actually women are naturally inferior at everything, including quiz game shows, beauty pageants, chess, and video games. we need a society that is segregated so that anyone who would ever have to potential to win against a woman is eliminated. this is actually far better than organizing sports into weight classes or different athletic/skill level based categories that ignore sex, like what wrestling and video/board game tournaments already do. I cannot accept the reality that men and women are the same species. this is actually how we truly protect women. by calling them weak pathetic losers who could never win against even the worst opponent, and preventing them from even playing at all."

actually conversion I had with one of these nerds:

me: "so you think men are better at literally everything, even things that do not require any physical ability whatsoever?"

terf: "yes! those should still be segregated by sex! males should not be playing against women ever. it's an unfair advantage"

me: "so my brother has an unfair advantage over me when playing fucking monopoly?"

terf: "yes. males are statistically better and managing finances, while women are irresponsible and lenient with spending money."

hey guys. I think the people who are literally unironicly saying "women are bad at money. this means they suck at board games" aren't actually feminists

No joke, that was the rethoric the Francoist regime in Spain used to justify women being legally underage regardless of age and unable to open bank accounts without their husbands or fathers permission. That law was effective until 1975.