My favorite rejected New Yorker submission
Imagine being the only person alive who can say this
zachsanomaiy
buzz aldrin and neil armstrong liked to do a thing where they’d tell unfunny jokes at parties about being on the moon and when people were confused they’d go “guess you had to have been there”
If the WHOLE COUNTRY'S economy cannot work without the labor that UPS workers provide, than their labor is worth their demands and more.
No other conclusion can be rationally made from this information.
I just realized that Han never knew that Luke got his hand chopped off while he was in carbonite and I don’t know which path I want to follow with this information:
1. Han seeing Luke’s injured hand after the sail barge battle and thinking that Luke has been a robot the whole time
2. Luke shaking his hand with a super-firm grip and Han just thinking “Wow this kid has gotten…absurdly strong.”
3. Luke just pulls off his hand one day and throws it at Han.
4. Luke picks up a spacechicken carcass and crushes it with his bare hand and Han is intimidated
5. Han says “It’s good to see you’re all right” and then Luke says “well, actually…” and pulls off his hand and Han falls over the back of his chair
6. Han says “It’s good to see you’re all right” and everyone gasps and Leia says “Too soon!” and Han is confused and they all just rag on him
7. Han needs a battery and Luke just opens up his hand and pulls out a battery and gives it to him and Han just stares
8. Luke reappears after a mission with all the synthflesh off and Han says “I thought it was easy but you LOST YOUR HAND?” and Luke just says “Oh, no, I lost this before Endor” and Han is hurt and betrayed.
9. Luke keeps making hand puns and limb puns and raising his right hand to high-five Han and Han just never gets it
10. Luke excitedly tells Han as they’re waiting to be taken to the Sarlacc because it’s been a whole year that he’s wanted to tell the guy.
Luke and Chewy are playing a game it doesn’t matter what. Han comes over and does the whole Wookies tear the arms off the people who beat them thing to try and tease Luke. He doesn’t know that Chewy and Luke have been preparing for this though and after Luke ‘wins’ Chewy pretends to be mad and rips off Luke’s hand
Wait, I have something to give you!
[The heebie jeebies has been added to your inventory]
This sounds like something from The Handmaid’s Tale, ffs.
This was an ad in the early 90's. I first saw it in a textbook in the late 90's, used as an example of the "slippery slope" fallacy.
Now it's over 20 years later. It's happening.
So last night I was watching the JLU episode "The Man Who Has Everything" and the plot synopsis was, "Wonder Woman and Batman visit Superman at the Fortress of Solitude for his birthday, only to discover he's been captured by Mongul." And I'm walking in like "Cool, fun, I'm going to see Bruce and Diana punching Mongul while surrounded by a whole bunch of nifty little Fortress of Solitude easter eggs" but NO it turns out that 80% of the episode is Clark trapped in an Illusory Krypton where he has everything he wanted and it turns out that just boils down to being a chill Dad on a farm (but also the farm is on Krypton which didn't die and also his dad is still alive). And when Clark finally realizes that this Krypton is an illusion, he takes his son by the shoulders and he's like "I love you and I'm so proud of you and I remember the day you were born and how it was the happiest day of my life and I am packed with all of these amazing memories of watching you grow up but I don't think you're real" and you straight-up feel your heart get ripped out of your chest at the concept of Supes having to make the conscious decision to part with all this to get back to reality and save his friends
And when Superman finally breaks free of the illusory Krypton he goes completely apeshit on Mongul and it's so satisfying.
But then also Bruce gets trapped in the same 'prison of what you most desire' and it turns out he just wants to see his dad beat the shit out of the dude that killed him and Martha.
It's honestly kind of funny because Clark's 'perfect prison' was this highly complex conceptualization of Krypton where Jor-El is talking about how it took him years to salvage his reputation after mistakenly predicting Krypton's destruction, and Clark's wife is this obvious fusion of both Lois and Lana, and Clark has to remind his kid to take the dog out, and it keeps cutting back to Bruce's fantasy which is just "Hell yeah, Thomas, beat his ass."
A system that ensures the majority of people have no security of housing, food, safety, income, healthcare, education, civil rights? That's what seems radical to me.
Solidarity Summer is well and truly ramping up. AS IT FUCKING SHOULD.
And another one! 📢
Barnes and Noble booksellers are working on forming a union as well!
Their flagship store and New York has unionized along with 3-4 other stores! This is happening! People are tired of being seen as dollar signs and being made to work just to get to work more, to survive instead of thrive. Keep it UP.
This blog is proudly Pro-Union.
girl with four different "I SURVIVED THE TIME LOOP" pins on her backpack like prestige star ranks
what’s your favorite part about being a tumblr user?
Informing the world that you use Tumblr. It’s my best “putting your money where your mouth is” joke.
nice shoelaces!
Thanks! I stole them from a man
What is this man’s occupation?
Oracle of Delphi
