the fervent and stubborn idea that i am special keeps me alive but ultimately it will kill me
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Hegia
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bts sandy liang ss24 shot on my old coolpix 💕
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me 🪽
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@ lambfigurines 🪽
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Venus with a mirror, Titian (1555) 🐚🪞
Sometimes im like. Wow my diss was so cool I don’t think there’s anything like it. And sometimes im like… wow I really am a product of my time. im insanely capable, but only to take several fields of work and flatten them to a mere aesthetic of whatever the fuck cyberspace is. I can’t believe that some people have called that series of purple truisms ‘good writing’. I just turned my shroom thoughts into a paper. Nondirective and ultimately just a pile of glitter
#not looking for pity just thinking#idk I had this moment today where I was like wait. literature is much harder than knowing a lot of good metaphors and references#im so stupid lol#I was like. im a good curator and im good at observing and describing images so therefore I must be a good writer#at least now I know#*
I will deserve the Ian Penman fassbinder fitzcarraldo when I have watched 3 fassbinder films
in one of those phases of crippling existential self-doubt where the nervous horse that controls my productivity is just lying down in the mud and won't get up. the horse is asking questions like do I deserve carrot for big jump if big jump meaningless and is it wrong to be a horse. I'm trying to goad it with compliments and treats but so far the horse won't bite, it's too busy ruminating about the cosmic value of horses
we're telling the horse you can make the jump, you're such a special horse for being able to do the big jump, everybody loves it when they get to watch a big jump, you will get so many carrots, and the horse is not buying it. it's just snorting at us. the horse is saying well there are other horses and flicking mud at us with its tail without getting up. we're telling the horse: but not for us! you're the only horse in the world to us! what must we offer you, nervous horse? o, nervous horse, take pity on your believers!
the horse is questioning the validity of a system in which carrots are rewarded to horses who make the big jumps, seeing as every horse wants a carrot and big jumpers are few, and wants to know why we can't love it for its talents in identifying threats like plastic bags blowing in the wind & being so alert it has a nervous breakdown, instead of expecting it to jump all the time, and perhaps the horse would enjoy a career in calligraphy or nursing instead of this jumping for carrots rigamarole. our negotiator was forced to state that the horse is, nonetheless, a horse. the atmosphere remains tense.
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3LIBIDINES - The origins of spiritual illness
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me and the girls
Untitled
Rae Klein
‘Your name is a golden bell hung in my heart. I would break my body to pieces to call you once by your name.”
― Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn
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Olivia Hussey in Summertime Killer /Un verano para matar (dir. Antonio Isasi-Isasmendi - 1972).
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A Midsummer Night’s Dream (1999)