*a generally normal object*

humans: 

*a generally normal object but very, very small*

humans:  :O!!!!!!!!

This is an alien meme.

Just leaving this here:

I love that Thor is adopting human/earth based colloquialisms and considers Avenging his day job. Like he’s an Asgardian prince but also commutes to another planet for work.

I love that a little kid delivered the single best line in any Marvel movie ever

Is your New Year’s resolution SMART?

[image: a chart, “set S.M.A.R.T goals” that lays out five elements of effective goals — smart, measurable, achievable, relevant, timely.

S. goals should be specific. 

bad goal: punch someone. anyone. 

good goal: punch my neighbor, peter gregorio, who lives at 228 waverly lane, right in his big, fat, stupid mouth.

M. goals should be measurable. 

how many times have you punched peter gregorio (who is your neighbor) in his big, fat, stupid mouth? zero? well, then, you’re not done yet. 

A. goals should be achievable. 

catapulting your neighbor, peter gregorio, into outer space via an enormous catapult sounds great, but probably isn’t possible. better just stick to punching him instead. 

R. goals should be relevant. 

if your objective is to “harm peter gregorio because he is annoying and dumb and won’t stop bragging about his new honda pilot” then making a goal to read a book is stupid and a waste of time.

T. goals should have a deadline. 

when are you going to punch peter gregorio? today? tuesday? next year? if you leave it open-ended you might never do it! set a deadline and give that jerk the bashing he deserves!]

*Laminated paper wobbling sound*

this 4 word post with 350k notes is how you all know that i’ve won this website and also extremely own at it

my favourite part of this post is all the people imitating the sound in the tags

19990620: Hope, Fish, Despair

What.

i was reading fine and then ???

fish sigh, the disappointing

“These are my children.”

“They look nothing li—”

“LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE.”

for some reason I really like that she’s called Hilda.

This happened on my grandmothers farm when my mom was little,

baby ducks act a lot like baby chickens so in the beginning it wasn’t so bad

the main problem is that baby ducks  LOVE water, but baby chickens get very very dead from it,

so you can imagine the mother hens surprise and horror the first time they go by the farm pond and ALL THE BABIES RUN TO THE WATER AND JUMP IN

my grandmother had to come out of the house to investigate all the noise the hen was making

The mother hen was clucking and screeching in distress and running circles around the pond while the duckies were having the time of their lives.

This happened a few more times before Momma hen was like FUCK IT YOU WANNA SWIM SEE WHAT I CARE , and would sit a distance away watching them in the pond.

if the ducks ever abandoned any eggs my grandmother would always put it under that particular hens nest cause from then on she always knew how to deal with her “water loving” delinquent children

BEST ADOPTED MUM

Andy Murray corrects a reporter’s casual sexism during a post-match interview

whenever i see a frog on a lily pad im like yeah man… thats exactly where youre supposed to be

that’s what god says when he sees me crying in a taco cabana bathroom

will chris ever let her live: a compilation

he saw something

HE SAW IT ALL

WORD.

he does the job no one wants to do and then will be told that he’s stealing it.

If y'all don’t live near heavy agricultural areas you probably never see people doing this, but let me tell you. They’re out here working in 90+ degree weather, wearing layered long sleeves to protect from pesticides, LITERALLY running their crates back and forth, and are provided an umbrella and port-a-john for “breaks”. And now a majority of the community risks their entire livelihood and safety to continue working for next to nothing. Please don’t ever undervalue the skill and service it takes to provide for you.

They’re doing the “stolen” jobs.

I wanna say thank you

when a character you hate dies

Where can I buy her album tho

13/10 would buy it tbh

is that Adele’s dog? gotta be

This dog sings better than 80% of these other bitches

Bitch the VIBRATO

my friend is studying for the mcat and was just trying to explain to me about heat transfer and she said ‘you know, like the reason you get cold when you go outside on a freezing day is that your tiny human body is trying to warm up the entire universe’ and i think that’s the best thing i have ever heard

I kind of needed this today. Thank you.

Actually genuinenly enjoying my customer service job sometimes

Customer (calling from Ireland): “Yes hello, I would like to -”

Sheep in the background: *gentle baa*

Customer: “Uh, sorry, what I want to do is -”

Sheep: *slightly more insistent baa*

Customer: “No, not now! -cough- Excuse me. I have a reservation and -”

Sheep: *VERY LOUD ACCUSATORY BAA*

Customer: “Arnulf! Please be quiet, I am on the phone! … Sorry, I sincerely apologize on behalf of Arnulf.”

me: “I love and forgive him.”

Customer: “Don’t, he doesn’t deserve it. Anyway, I’m calling about -”

Arnulf: *small, very self-satisfied baa*

I still love this lol

By R-Dart

@anxietyproblem

suggest: sleep like humaine to understand humaine better

Patty’s 101 Guide to Surviving a Horror Movie