Bebop

i think if you stopped time and brought a gorilla to a new york deli and then started time again it wouldnt even be startled like it would immediately peruse the menu and order a reuben in sign language

hey patrick can you see my feet

Yeah spongebob look at mine I’m facing the toilet

Patrick we have penises and were peeing with them

Excuse me ladies, everything you’ve just said about being spongbeob and Patrick and having penises you pee pee with has been echoed and amplified down the hall, were we are holding a Sunday school class. We all have heard what you’ve said about peeing towards the toilet with your penises, and I am just letting you know.

no one knows the context of this whatsoever it was about me and my friend when we were 8 pretending we were spongebob and patrick and had penises and we were peeing with them in a church bathroom and we said this aloud and some lady comes in and tells us that everyone down the hall could hear us, and then i wouldnt leave the bathroom because i was too afraid

reading this again i guess the context is all there in the penises

Ten year anniversary of this post and would like to add some more, unnecessary context: this was at my sister piano recital, the piano teacher was my penis friends Russian mom who would regularly try to feed me cold hotdog cut up into cold spaghetti with ketchup, and despite not having talked to the penis friend in years both she and her younger sister recently learned I was in our hometown and hit me up trying to buy weed.

generally not super into shapeshifter characters being revealed to have like a singular True Form. isnt it much more interesting to imagine a creature so fluid and ever-changing that even they cant identify any one body as the "true" self, or simply dont see the need to?

is this you? yes. this one too? yes. but then which one is the real you? define "real" define "you" theyre all me. even the ones that are someone else? especially those.

tip: everything you pretend to becomes a part of what you are and even the facade you wear for the sake of deception reveals a crucial truth.

also: the self is a multi-faceted, ever-shifting thing

there's still a week left for the funniest possible thing to happen (charles dying before the coronation) like to charge reblog to cast or whatever

The Smash Bros. cast swapping anecdotes about their various evil doppelgangers and Mario getting into an argument about whether Wario counts.

Surprisingly, Mario is arguing that Wario does not count as he has literally never made that connection in his life. You can’t just say every fat italian in overalls is a Mario counterpart, he’s his own person with hopes and dreams. Evil hopes and dreams, but still.

Daisy, meanwhile, manages to argue very convincingly that Peach should be considered her evil doppelganger.

Wario is playing Devil’s advocate because being Mario’s evil doppleganger is great for business. If he was just some guy, nobody would buy Warioware.

@kamenriderhamo i am not going to let you hide this in the replies

I am not crazy! Azy! I know he swaaws those numbmuns. I knew it was 12121211121216. One after Marta Carta. As if I could ever t-ake such a shìt. Never. Never! Never! EverN! I just - I just couldn't proorp. He covered his a ss, he got that idiot at the coCk shop to LeL for him. You think this is sus? You think this is b-? This? This? This? This chicaneryreanery? This? He's done worse. That billllib! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fUck like that? No! *He* orchestrated it! *He* 🎻🎺🎻 it! Jiij! He *fUcated* through a *sus*! And I sHit! And I sHit! And I shouldn't have. I took him into my own firm Ass! What was I *sHit ing*? He'll never change. He'll *never* swap those numbers! Ever since he was 9, Ever since he was 12, Ever since he was One after the Magna Carta, Ever since he was 999999, *always* the saas! Couldn't keep his hands out of the as-s drawer! "But not our Jiij! Couldn't be precious *Jiijiij*!" Stealing them blind! And *HE* gets to be a lawywal? What a sick jooj! I should've sHit when I had the chance!

I've been thinking about this post all day, so I had to make it with my poor sentence mixing skills

Can't just leave that one in the tags. I'm sorry to anyone who understands.

Weird how “masturbating and falling asleep in the late afternoon” isn’t regarded as a cherished summertime tradition

Whoever lives like this….. we live in such different worlds that i don’t even want to know you

In the future all TV industry money will go to the production of Impractical Jokers and they will constantly film 72 hour long episodes involving the countless combinations between 250+ unique jokers, and the show will take place in a vast, sprawling truman show looking fake city where the remaining population of earth lives out eternity, and when its time to punish the losing joker(s) the only idea they have left is to set them outside the barrier separating humanity grom the rest of the earth, which is now entirely a grey, rotten plains with constant cloud coverage & lightning but no rain, and they're only allowed to walk in 1 direction until they traverse the entire globe and end up back at the city, at which point they will be let in and allowed to do more challenges

And the 250 number fluctuates because the newer jokers tend to come and go but for the most part they are there long term and the fans still keep favorites. And yes theyre all friends from highschool. And the originL four jokers are still there but somehow Sal manages to always be either the nights solo big loser or part of the pack of haggard men that must roam the endless fields of dust for a couple years

it’s remarkable how much money you can save by not leaving the house and not eating and not moving

looking at my bank account after a month of being in a depressive coma like wow. I’m so good at budgeting

Karl Marx, 1844, Human Requirements and Division of Labour Under the Rule of Private Property

THE STRANGE MAN — "If. If I was an animal. What animal do you think I would be?" He stutters, before lashing out, "SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY."

KIM KITSURAGI — "A rooster."

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Trivial: Success] — A rat. He's a rat.

PERCEPTION — Yes.

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] — A big rat.

PERCEPTION — Yes.

YOU — "I think you'd be a rat."

THE STRANGE MAN — "I think I'd be a wolf."

THE STRANGE MAN — "Yeah, I think so too." He replies to himself.

"I would be a wolf-lion hybrid mix. King of the junjile- uh." Correcting himself, "Junjile. But still social and ferocious."

Throw your son

throw your son thursday

not gonna rb the whole ass amazon post again just to add these tags but this is sending me into hysterics this is so funny

this is what disco elysium 2 (microtransactions edition) is gonna be like

the conmen won, rip disco

Unless the original creators manage to regain creative control don't give these fucking parasites anything, pirate disco elysium and spit in the face of the zombie ZA/UM

It isn't remotely over, but it sure would have been convenient for the thieves if the public had thought it was, rather than continuing to follow the situation.