my number 1 response to cis guys fearmongering about how x food lowers T levels and is FEMINIZING men!!! is literally if that was true transfems would know. like you dont need any other arguments, if there was enough estrogen and androgen blockers and shit in any given food, you don't think every transfem would be buying gallons of soy milk by the dozen? you don't think every guide for new trans people wouldn't have soy milk as the #1 tip for transitioning? i promise you the day we find a food that makes amab people grow tits, no prescription or shots or pills required, transfems are gonna be partying in the streets

[This idea has been rattling in my brain and I had to share it.]

I know we all love the ‘humans are space orcs’ concept… but imagine, onboard the new ship they’ve been assigned to, the human meets an actual space orc. A massive monster… fangs and tusks and scars and a battle-hardened stare, looming over all the other life forms on the ship in its thick indestructible armour it refuses to remove. It barely drinks, it doesn’t need sleep, its massive shoulders are heavy with the terrible things it has experienced. Compared to the squishy & delicate human body, this thing is a walking tank.

… Except instead of hating/ignoring one another, the human and the monster start bonding over both coming from death planets. The human is excited to find a life form who doesn’t quiver with fear at the vague description of a jellyfish and the monster is ecstatic to meet someone who understands the feeling of being bitten by a qua’lem (cats are pretty close). They sit together and compare dangerous animals and locations as the other aliens look on in confusion and fear… oh, you also have dense jungles of deadly hidden predators, boiling acid lakes, tamed predatory killers, and areas with horrendously high and low temperatures? Sick!! 

It doesn’t take long before the two of them become totally inseparable. The human loves not feeling like some kind of crazy outsider and the monster is overjoyed they’ve finally found an equal in this unkillable marshmallow.

Monster: When I was a youngling, a grol-lik stung straight through my armour. The pain lasted for approximately 16 human hours. Human: Oh yeah man, I get that. As a kid I got a wasp stuck in my shirt. It stung me like four times, it was awful, and all my cousins just laughed at me… Monster: [using their arm screen to research human courting methods] I see.

i love this,

SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE!

This is like a stereotype aliens would come up with for us just through watching our movies.

I like the idea that they don’t make contact because we’re actually fucking terrifying.

“Humans are Space Orcs,” selected verses, text on screenshot, 2020

Hey, who wants post-apocalyptic wasteland adventure lesbian romance?  We got post-apocalyptic wasteland adventure lesbian romance.

I, Tumblr luminary Natalie H. Ironside, have written a Book, which I know you’re going to love.  Available up above in ebook and paperback (wow!).

The Last Girl Scout is a dystopian adventure story about queer hillbillies going on a big adventure in the irradiated ruins of Old America.  If you liked Fallout or S.T.A.L.K.E.R. or all things American Gothic then I got five bucks says you’ll like this.  Plus it’s got lesbians in it &and they are in love & they even hold hands.

(cover art by the very cool and good @soul-hammer​)

can confirm, the lesbiabs do indeed h*ld h*nds

Wow so uh

This is currently at #56 in Dystopian Science Fiction

Not to be that bitch, but if it goes up any higher I will absolutely just die

Bought a copy, can’t wait

Shucks ❤

The Reviews Are In

Well shit. I gotta go get me a copy.

i just read this, it’s fucking FANTASTIC

shucks <3

Seriously this is the best book I’ve read in a long time I highly recommend it

Hey I know yall probably don't care about my opinions but book! It's real good! Read it!

paypal.me/lynsanity09

Hello people here tumblr, im new here. can anyone help me buy maintenance medicine for my mother and father they are both senior citizen and they have high blood pressure. i dont have work since the lockdown and even food for everyday we are stuggling to get. Please help us.

Updated:

Hello maam/sir, please send your donation in paypal in friends & family because paypal will hold the donation for 21 days. Please. And when you go to my paypal link the currency is in peso. You can change it the currency you want to send. Thank you

paypal.me/lynsanity09

The Impostor : “so when Stabby stabs crewmates with a knife it’s ‘cute’ and ‘funny’ but when I do it I’m ‘sus’, ‘a danger to the crew’ and ‘have to be thrown out the air lock for everyone’s safety’. I see how it is”

@thebibliosphere

@stabbyroomba

@thebibliosphere

Thats it folks. We can all go home. We have the peak humans are weird space orcs story.

The Roomba That Screams When it Bumps Into Stuff

@thebibliosphere

😂 omg. Time to hack Oppy.

This is (A) hilarious, and (B) perfect for adapting to a science fiction setting. 

Sneaking onboard an alien ship?  Send in Stabby the Roomba first.

Ok, just picture.

What would aliens think of Rubik’s cubes?

There are 43 QUINTILLION different configurations for a 3x3x3 alone. I’m not even going to get into the more complicated ones because it is wayy complicated.

However, that little plastic Satan shit can be solved in 2 minutes or less (much less in some cases)

Then there’s the fact that we don’t just solve it, we make patterns and designs with it. We have entire competitions where world records are set. We go absolutely nuts over these god damn plastic cube fuckers.

Just imagine. Imagine a species that may have puzzles, but nothing as simultaneously complicated and simple. Then they encounter a child. Diligently working on a 3x3x3.

“I’ve had it for a couple of weeks now and I still haven’t solved it, but my brother can do it in under a minute”

Out of curiosity they decide to calculate how many different ways it can be configured (perhaps to obtain a view on how intelligent human beings are that certain individuals can memorize and solve this particular puzzle.)

43 quintillion. It’s impossible, but we did it anyway. We made it and it took the creator a month to solve it. Some humans can solve it in 7 seconds.

We memorize algorithms and spend hours learning a skill that is worth absolutely nothing but entertainment and competition.

But not even that was enough because we made versions with extra sides, or less sides, or different shapes. Why? No idea but someone was probably bored.

Where can I buy one?

@stabbyroomba

Oh

FUCK

As someone who loves seamstressing

WHAT THE FUCK

HOW

They’ve found the thneed.

You know what all those “humans are weird” posts never touch on?

Monogamy.

This little asshole keeps getting into a bird feeder, so we need to test how small is *too* small

3 inch opening: no problem

2.75 inch opening: Easy

2.5 inch opening: doing fine

2.25 inch opening: Bit of a struggle, but as Mr Meeseeks says: CAAAN DOO!

2 inch opening: Alright, lets try chewing the opening a bit, As long as we get the nuts into the mouth (huhuhu) we good I guess…

Uh-oh… Steve is getting greedy

:insert grunts of effort here:

Taking a break…

The guy who made the original video decided after a long struggle to help Steve out.

A New Challenger approaches!

1.75 inchs: Quote Mr Meseeks: “OOOHHH HE’S TRYING”

GIMME GIMME GIMME

He ends up giving up.

Source: Chris Notap - Squirrel ● literally ● bites off more than he can chew ! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sS4ach0CwN4

via imgur

Science

I love it

What I learned is that I am not the only person who calls all squirrels Steve

stop it steve

mood:

His little hands at the end sent me into a frenzy of laughter.

The guy who made this video feels the squirrels AND birds in his neighborhood, but wanted a few squirrel-proof bird feeders. He did go over to help the squirrel, but figured out he’d probably be bit if he tried to handle squirrel. Steve figured out relaxing his hips almost as soon as the dude took a step back.

wish my hair grew little flowers on its own how neat would that be

Good news! Plants can grow under your skin!

THATS KIND OF TERRIFYING THANK YOU FOR THIS INFORMATION

You're welcome ;)

Ok actually, my cousin was playing with some other kids and he fell in a blackberry bush. Had some scrapes, but nothing too bad.

Few months later and he got this dark bump on his arm that was starting to hurt, and he didn't know why. His mom, thinking it was a zit, tried to pop it, but nothing happened no matter how much she messed with it.

Finally they went to the doctor and he numbed the area and cut in to figure out what it was. Totally normal procedure, right?

Well, the dark bump was something that kinda looked like a black cyst at first, but it was weirdly long. And it got longer.

And longer.

And what the doctor pulled out was THREE INCHES OF BLACKBERRY VINE

From everything I know about Himalayan blackberries I am not remotely fricking surprised

A family member used to work at a hospital and once upon a time a guy came in who had an encounter with a cactus and didn’t get all the tiny little spines out of his hands. I don’t know if he grabbed it or accidentally touched it or what have you. So the cactus grew into his hands.  And it grew for a while like around the nerves and stuff and obviously that hurts so he had surgery to remove it, and everyone involved in the procedure did everything they could but I don’t think they were able to get all the cactus out, it was that significantly grown into his hands. Heckin’ cactus.

@stabbyroomba this is giving me big feels for your blog like. Imagine aliens falling into a blackberry bush and suddenly they have thorny vines growing in them

Thanks this is horrifying

Newcomers now on paperback!!!!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1708203923

I’m happy to announce its finally happened, I’m a published author 

hey I hate to be that person but I think I'm going to be kicked out soon.

my parents have been lowkey abusive my whole life but I didn't realize it until I came out as gay, and now that I have a boyfriend and dress and act how I want it has gotten so much worse.

I've been working at a warehouse but I was recently sexually assaulted by a coworker, and even though he is no longer working there it is a constant struggle to go in every day.

I need help, I need to get out of this house, and my boyfriend gets kicked out of his house in June anyway.

I hate to ask for help, but i need it really badly.

cash app $buxfparrot

venmo @jason-pittsley