wadda hell......squirble

sorry but there is no romance in bluetooth earbuds. they're very handy and nice but nothing will ever compare to sharing a pair of corded earbuds with someone to listen to music or watch a video and leaning together so the earbuds don't get pulled out. even now when i get handed a bluetooth earbud to share i lean close out of instinct. we need to bring the cords back for the love of god

and before anyone says it, the rituals are NOT intricate. the rituals are MUNDANE, UNSELFCONSCIOUS, and EARNEST, and therefore they are HOLY

positive affirmations!

been going insane over Bruce in his eating dome for 24 hrs now

There is so much story telling here. A person got this pacific parrotlet named it Bruce which in and of itself is amazing but then this person went here my little bird friend a raspbebe for you to enjoy and Bruce said hell yeah and went cataclysmicly and irreversible ape shit ham on that berry. And that probably happened more than once. So instead of never again allowing this little dinosaur the joy of the succulent flesh of the delectable raspberry they went what can we do for our little baby boy. and then boom they got some kind of cake cover type deal and cut a door into it so that Bruce would Not Be Trapped in a fruit prison (altho truely it is the berries who are trapped in there with Bruce but none the less) and so he may go to his pent house and freak it as crazily as his little bird heart desires.

Anyway i love pets they are each distinct little guys who are carred for by the funniest ape to ever exist bc we love animal so much

I'm in this group and Bruce's human posts eating dome updates when he's done a particularly good job!

And also when he gets up to other mischief

However, THIS is my favorite Bruce photo

they need to invent a career path that is like a nun but you don't have to be religious. you just live in a monastery and have lesbian sex

An Indian snow leopard photographed by Prasenjeet Yadav

@radhopz

this cat was born for glam

this cat serves cunt on a silver plate with gold filigree

if u look at this cat and think they don't werk it, i think there might be something wrong with ur soul

happy thursday everyone

You LIED to me

Hey, op? Fuck you.

grow up

just beheld an innocent cashier oops

so i'm at petsmart paying the invoice for my cat's nail trim, and the cashier is staring at me as he taps in the phone number. it brings up my mom's name and i kind of wanted to assure him my name wasn't carolyn so i went "haha, that's my mother. motheeeer." in what was apparently a distinctive and recognizable voice because he went, "you know, that's so weird, because i was just thinking i'm gonna watch all the toy story movies tonight. how did you know that?"

i don't even know that reference because i haven't seen all the toy story movies and it's been years anyway, so i definitely didn't know that but i'm just here like, "haha oh, yeah, i'm a little psychic, sorry." just a laugh y'know little things can be brushed off.

but he goes, "what color am i thinking of?"

in my head i'm immediately like purple but i tend to second guess myself so i went "uhh, hm. green." and he went "nope, close," and despite it not being anywhere close to green i just went, "oh, so it WAS purple."

and he FREEZES. and he's like. "...it was green first but i changed it to purple."

so i'm like "...i thought purple first and changed it to green. nice."

so that was apparently him trying to dodge my psychic beam and me trying to spare him but we intersected anyway. my jimmies are thoroughly rustled by this point.

but then he's like, "alright, what number am i thinking of between 1-10."

i don't hesitate this time before i look him in the eyes and say, "3. or 4, i guess." because again i always just give an additional option just in case usually to deter suspicion which. didn't work because he got so quiet and shrank a little like "...it was 3. i don't think i like this game anymore."

i can't stop laughing this was so fucking weird. just triple read a random dude's mind at petsmart wyd

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

spicing up conversations by saying 'you really believe in that' at the most basic inane things

like this

PRISON

In this profile we kiss after having oral sex.

No one will understand how much rage it took to become this quiet

Cooking Lesson With Dad

ID under cut

Keep reading

I love this so much, I’m gonna start saying “nuts” we need to bring it back

I love b&w proper ladies breaking character with “sonofabitch”

“OHH you’re following me, oUUhhh I didn’t know that!”

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

“bend over” “bend what? over”

I hate this place