an erotic poem:

leg so hot

hot hot leg

leg so hot u fry an eg

i had the urge to search for this and bring it back

i feel like i just discovered a fossil

apparently this has lived rent free in my brain for ELEVEN YEARS!?

apparently this

has lived rent free in my brain

for ELEVEN YEARS!?

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Celestial Ceilings

I need to sleep immediately but first

Make this break containment.

Oh yes, this needs to break containment.

Carlotta from Phantom of the Opera gets a raw deal! She refuses to perform until the theatre stops racking up OSHA violations and using her star power to effect change when anyone else on that stage would get fired!! Justice for Carlotta, who just wants safe working conditions!!

Sometimes, Andrew Lloyd Webber writes op eds about how those greedy theatre unions are ruining Broadway (by driving operating costs too high), and his stance on Carlotta really makes sense.

liberté égalité bicuriosité

how could this post be from two days ago when it is so clearly something i would have written under tasteful fanart of enjolras and grantaire going at it circa 2015

Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Stay tuned for more criminal activity!

"Many species of polychaetes undergo epitoky whereby sexually immature worms transform into pelagic morphs capable of sexual reproduction. After fertilization, they release their gametes through rapid disintegration." worms are out here having insane sex we can't even comprehend

"what do they mean by disintegrate?" "oh yeah no he fucking disintegrated"

Cums myself asunder

national holiday

Trixie Mattel is right, getting to know your neighbors is the best inoculation against being annoyed by their noise. it only works up to a certain point, but for just regular footsteps or the occasional bass leaking through or a party once in a while, the anonymous Fucking Neighbors are people i will kill for doing their laundry at 10:14pm, but Steven and Ray who live upstairs and sometimes have to jog across their hardwood at 8:39am because they forgot to pick up their Clif bar before they put on their shoes for work are my good pals and i look forward to barricading the building together during the financial collapse.

Also great inoculation against landlord bullshit if you have close relationships with your neighbors!

wizard boys and sophie are banned. you are only allowed to have ghibli gender envy from this pre-approved list effective immediately

1. the ohmu

2. magic jumping lamp

3. boar god .

4. dunkleosteus

5. cat bus

6. turnip head (NOT in human form)

Any further additions must be approved by the committee.

Happy Pride!

Every pride, you must reblog this. No exceptions

I love that four different people on my feed scheduled this joyous person to reblog by 8am on June 1. I look forward to seeing this a dozen more times today.

I have legs! I have feet! I have knees! I have a full water bottle and comfortable shoes! I can walk at an even pace of flat-ish ground basically perpetually! I’m going to explore!

Hope you find something neat!