oh worm?

1-800-ARE YOU ffflllllufflflfflllfSLAPSLAPflflluffflallffSLAPPING

I just fell in love with one (1) neked boii slAppin some Watur

my favorite thing about cats is how you can literally see the moment the switch flips in their heads and they enter the Sillyzone™

i remember being like 11 and asking my dad why he hunts and kills deer and he said “because i think theyre beautiful” and that’s just. that’s just what men are like

Yeah… &?

Is it any different that women seeing cute things & wanting to squish their face?

Is killing different than endearing physical contact? Local man unsure

an authority figure: [expresses slight, arguable disappointment in me]

me, shaking: Wow. Can’t Believe I’m The Worst Person Alive

authority figure: *is in a bad mood or even is just less friendly than usual*

me, stomach in knots: My fault? I must be the cause of this?

yet somehow also me: 

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

decay exists as an extant form of life

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

@shitpostsampler this feels up your alley

Made by my friend Calliuflower.

my cat: mrow

me, a dumbass: mrow? meow mewmrooowwwww mrow meow!!

my cat:

Pixels

RAT

a cat but they only say slurs

UH OH SISTERS! *eats plastic*

okay i’ll bite. what are movies?

https://www.businessinsider.com/how-much-money-billionaires-celebrities-make-per-hour-2018-8

Do you ever think about how Jeff Bezos could feed literally more than a million food insecure people while losing an hour’s wage but you have to tell yourself no when you want to buy a coffee but can’t because that’s all your rent money?

I do too

Tell me again why progressive taxes aren’t the answer to income inequality?

artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.

its like, impossible to come up with anything funnier than the experience of seeing this post

pharoahs fuck better because they ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put the pussy in a scarmophogoghs

Max tells me some soft and gentle things.

I trust him

I can’t wait for this fucking nightmare to be over. I hate this goddamn shitty reality show we’re all trapped in right now.

Casey Frey was in a commercial for Just Dance 2015…

This is like that scene in every horror movie where they’re looking through old photographs and see the ghost/demon that’s been haunting them in the background.

how do i get tweets tattooed onto my brain stem

see