I swear this is funny, though it may be a long walk for a short drink of water.

I grew up in Appalachia, born and raised there right about the spot where Tennessee, Virginia, and North Carolina all touch dicks. (I am deeply sorry to both West Virginia and Kentucky for them not being invited to the party. So close.) My dad, like many parents do, told me about the things that had been there before I was born. One of the most famous ones, though, was Big Jesus. On the side of a whole mountain someone had made a gigantic Jesus Christ to peer at passing motorists. For the area this is not particularly odd. But Dad always waxed nostalgic whenever we passed the mountain where Big Jesus used to be before they tore him down. I'm uncertain why. I was told safety concerns and they couldn't raise the money to repair Big Jesus and make him safe, but I find it more likely someone bought the mountain and wanted that shit gone yesterday. We may never know. as I have no fucking idea how to find that this thing ever existed.

Now, at the next part of this story I am in college. My dad calls and tells me my cousin has died. Can I make time to go to the funeral with him? Because it will be a few hours in the car for an honestly miserable event. Of course I can, no one should die unmourned. (I will not get into specifics but it was the first family member's funeral where the officiator damned both me and the deceased to Hell, but not the last).

The funeral ends, it ends weird, and we go get Waffle House before he drops me back off at school. So we are having this little road trip, just my dad and I, when we see this fucking thing

I said, with perfect solemnity, "Well, I guess we know what happened to Big Jesus." And I hope y'all think that is funny because my dad absolutely did not.

"The sea doesn't belong to tyrants. On its surface they can still stake their evil claims, battle each other, devour each other, haul every earthly horror. But thirty feet below sea level, their power ceases, their influence fades, their domination vanishes!"

Presented with no further commentary but goddamn, Jules Verne really went off with Captain Nemo.

So, going into work tonight I, quite by accident did the one thing every adult (quite rightly) told me to never ever do.

I don't even know how to explain why I did this. The train had been a half hour late so I was already way behind, even though I'd texted my coworker and warned him about it. The train was actively so late that when it arrived people applauded.

So, there I am, at Union Station at midnight, hobbling down the sidewalk on my little crutch when a woman gestures for me to hold out my hand. She had a fistful of.... something. It was very dark. And I.... Look, y'all, I would be so easy to murder. I held out my hand.

"Peppermints!" she said, "For you!" and dropped about a dozen peppermints into my hand. To be clear, this was the dead of night in a very sketchy part of town.

"Thank you! How wonderful!" I said, genuinely delighted.

There was already a peppermint in my mouth before I realized I'd broken that single cardinal rule hammered into my brain from earliest childhood. I had taken candy from a stranger.

I know everyone is currently on TotK, but I finally felt the right combination of financially stable and emotionally unhinged to get myself a Switch and BotW. So, like, all the people posting about the brand new game? My brain cannot help but interpret all the gifs and posts as the game I am playing now for the first time.

Just found one of my old Star Trek rambles and, fuck me, I am so right about Star Trek. It's just: I really like how Star Trek fans decided, collectively, that Vulcans purr and that Cardassians have tails There is little, if anything, to support this in canon. Still, Cardassians have tails and I will fight over this, they also can't thermoregulate like humans and are most comfortable at around 84 degrees fahrenhiet. Solkar purred when he shook Zephram Cochrane's hand and that's that on that. I'm not like, on this tangent or anything, but I forgot to add that Garrak intellectually knew that humans sustained a consistent internal temperature of roughly 36.5 degrees Celsius due to a quirk of mammalian biology. He didn't quite understand what that meant until he fell asleep on top of one, the entire sensation wholly curious, hot as a rock during midday but as soft as fabric under fingers and more gentle than sunwarm sand. The soft flesh was almost like something you were meant to bite rather than hold, but certainly the finest resting spot anyone could find. At least for an hour or so, until elbows became apparent, and kicking. Apparently 'dreams' were a very real phenomenon and they involved a lot of kicking. I do think the sort of interspecies relationships that happen in Star Trek should be so baffling and have the worst moments. Like Garak having moments of "This is definitely something I am supposed to eat, this is prey" when he cuddles because Cardassian sex does not involve spending the night and Lwaxana Troi sleeping with other sapients that don't have mind reading abilities and having that brief horror of, "A child, I am having sex with someone too young to have telepathy."