this barbie refuses to die!

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forgot my night time garlic bread in the oven for the length of 2 mythbusters wpisodes and when i opened the oven door it was so thoroughly cremated that i was blinded not by smoke and ash but what surely must have been its Soul as well

Fun thing I learned today. On Wikipedia’s List of Cetaceans, where a photo is missing it says [cetacean needed]

the barbie movie is an anomaly and i look forward to seeing all the other mattel movies being giant flops 😂

horror movie where the protagonist only has an inhale activated vape as a light source

oh

every ask to neil gaiman goes about like this:

greetings sire, i am but a worm beneath you, but my dear sister is deathly ill and your work is the only thing that brings her happiness still. anywho, in season 2 of good omens do crowley and aziraphale have fucknasty butt sex? thank you!

oh thank god there’s a happy ending on Twitter i was actually about to lose it

There’s a lot going on in that little critter’s head right now.

1. Power move. 

2. Why do people whisked away to magical worlds just automatically believe the first creature that tells them what side the person needs to help? Where’s my isekai where the MC slowly finds out they got in with like the deranged zealots and are part of the evil faction, and not the plucky rebels? 

I think about this comic once per week. It’s funnier then anything I can conceive of. Mastery.

I mean, that’s basically what happened to Edmund in Narnia.

monday afternoon baby we gettin it!!!!!

if you warch all this you get to belive

This is it. This is the funniest thing I have ever seen.

for context these are the poems

also I almost forgot but the r/ambien Gives Us The Sleep post takes a completely serious third place in my favorite poems list:

and COMING IN HOT at NUMBER FOUR on my list, it's Fragment 147! an accidental poem created when the original parchment containing a text by Sappho was used to stop a wine jug more than 2,000 years ago- eventually the wine dissolved most of the parchment, leaving just a few words and BOY do they prove that the Universe has a sense of irony.

VIM author Bram Moolenar has died.

Moolenar has been developing the vim text editor for 20 years and encouraged users to donate to children in Uganda. He was a living legend, and will remain a legend as long as programming itself exists.

Rest in peace king.

I STEPPED OUTSIDE OF THE FRONT DOOR OF MY OWN HOME ONLY TO FIND THE DEER THAT TRIED TO KICK MY ASS LAST YEAR STANDING RIGHT THERE IN MY FRONT YARD. BOLD AS BRASS.

AM I NOT SAFE ANYWHERE ANYMORE

for those of you who were not here last year: this deer is the most obnoxious, unnatural red-orange color I’ve ever seen, only appears when it’s raining, and once chased me a quarter mile through the woods. her name is Hot Cheeto Hatred and she is my nemesis

dude, i think that’s a fairy

Crowley: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Aziraphale: Sure!

Aziraphale: Whats your favorite color?

Crowley, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you love me?

as a kid i had one of those “there’s a monster under my bed” moments except real.

every night i would cry about a ghost or something trying to scare me by knocking on my bedroom windows and walls. like, really loudly, every hour or so, every night. only at night. so my dad was like “heh okay kiddo let’s check it out :) ah see? there’s nothing here :)” and left.

until years later he admitted to me that he did in fact hear the unexplainable knocking when he slept in that room one night, and it kept him awake with fear. and suddenly felt awful for not believing little kid me.

imagine your kid being like “daddy there’s a demon in my closet” and you being like ok son lemme just check that for you :). and you open the door and there’s a demon in the closet

WHAT

If companies are allowed to sue you for losses during a strike, there is now no longer an incentive to not simply burn down your place of work.

For most people, there's really no difference between say, 15,000$ of debt, and 200,000$ of debt. They are equally life-ruining sums of money. Why not, you know, leave that gas stove on? Cost the company some real money? Maybe if it happens enough times they won't be able to buy insurance.