Diplomatic relations with the fey have broken down. The Empire of Helmgar now officially declares war on the Feywild. There will be no Feywild. We will be using goblin Blitzkrieg tactics. There will be no survivors.
That’ll teach those shithead pixies to insult my hat.
WAITWAITWAIT IM ONE OF THE FEY, IM YOUR APPRENTICE GNOMUS, I DONT ASSOCIATE WITH THEM!!!
oh ur "one of the good ones"? i see the gnome teaches its apprentices to be bigots now, interesting
Go hold a conversation with a fairy for 15 minutes. See how long it takes for them to trick you and steal from you
Your average person can hold a conversation with fey for 1 hour without having anything of theirs stolen, gnomy
Wrong again! They only think that because the Fey steals their memories or their concept of time
I am the gnomish bastard and also his mom and his best friend and I say we are no longer at war with the cute lil fairies especially cadmium because she's really cool
You are a terrible mimic
IM A BEAUTIFUL FAIRY MOTHERFUCKER
You are a mistake
Silence, impostor! I am the Knome, you are a mimic.
Only an idiot would fall for that
Hey get out of here you Imposter!
clearly that is the real knome!
….unless you can prove otherwise?
I can. I have a gun
hmmmm
how does that prove your the real one?
Because I will shoot you
YOU'RE the imposter! your name states you were born out of wedlock ie by deceptive fae magic!
That’s not what wedlock is, dumbass
oh O.O ...
for clarification, what does wedlock mean exactly?
It means your parents weren’t married when you were conceived
you seem to know a lot about contracts... hmmm
very fae ngl
This isn’t about contracts, this is about marriage. The contract of which came thousands of years after the ceremony. It’s just the term.
Displaying a deep understanding of contractual law sounds an awful lot like a fae thing, gnomie
It does. I don’t though, I just know enough about the law to break it
Riiiiight. On a side note, would you mind holding on to this horseshoe for me? This completely harmless IRON horseshoe? Thanks, you're a doll
I will not. Also, you have seen me hold iron before.
That's... faery suspicious behaviour of you, gnomie. Hold the horseshoe if you're really not a fae
I don’t know what you did to the horseshoe, but I have literally made IRON golems.
Stop steering the convo away from the horseshoe. Take it, hold it and prove that you're not a fae
Hang on… how do I know you’re not a fey?
Coz I'm holding this fucking horseshoe in my hands for the last half hour
And how do I know it’s really iron?
Touch it, you'll find out its real iron
Wait a second… you’re just an ear! You don’t have hands!
I'm holding it in my lobe*- FTFY
I don’t trust you. Conjure an iron block right now. Prove it’s not tampered with.
Look. It's just a horseshoe. Came off of a horse's hoof. It's iron. There's even a tiny bit of rust on it. It's iron. Touch it.
Summon the iron block.
Hey I don't mean to interrupt the conversation but thought I should warn you all, you might want to take shelter in your homes apparently all of my spiders decided to spawn at once and now there's a cloud if possibly trillions of baby spiders just kind of gently floating towards the Faye wilds portal I'm not sure how well that's going to turn out since a lot of them are highly venomous might want to take shelter for the time being.
yum
Crime wizard are you actually spiders George in disguise? 🤨
georg is my cousin on the less wizardly side of the family. say hi @spiders-georg
sorry i'm late to the party @crime-wizard the internet is a bit flaky underground. can you portal me to the feywild? it seems they are in need of my services