A little treat to cool off
I have seen the yakuza line stickers so many times but they still make me laugh every time i see them
what emotion is this supposed to convey
DATING YOUR GRUMPY ORC GIRLFRIEND INCLUDES:
Her making you breakfast as if it means nothing. She often tells you to “knock off the squealing” and to not make a big deal out of it since it’s just customary in her culture to take care of the one you’ve “bonded” with. But whenever you ask her what exactly the significance of a “bond” is, she often gets red in the face and changes the subject. You’ll get it out of her one of these days…
-You notice her being frustrated one day in the middle of her workout and asking her if there’s anything you can do to help….only for her to raise an eyebrow at you before immediately picking you up and using you as resistance as she does squats. She tells you to stop blushing, but it’s kinda hard considering you’re essentially squashed against her abs, could be worst you suppose.
-Her going out of her way to secretly message all of your friends and family about a surprise party she’s planning for you. She’s not much of a people person, but she knows they know you best and wants to make sure you’ll actually have a good time. She lies when you ask her who planned the event.
-Her taking you to her “weapon’s guy” to pick out your first one. You assume you’ll get a huge axe just like hers and apparently she humours this idea as well by carefully handing you a two-handed one, only for you to immediately be pulled to the floor. The man behind the counter takes a second to think before heading into the back and coming out with a small pair of daggers. You were more than happy with the blades but your partner asks if they could be engraved and customized to your liking (i.e she knows you love the “rainbow metal” as you put it), and you can’t help but fall in love with her again. A few weeks later you both have weapons with matching symbols of her clan.
-Her taking your coffee order from you and marching right into the shop once she realizes they gave you the wrong order. She knows you don’t want to “bother” anyone, but she also knows you deserve to get the damn thing you actually ordered.You give her a small peck as a thank you and your mountain of a girlfriend avoids your gaze, coughing a few times as she says, “whatever, it’s not a big deal.”
-Her letting you sit on her lap and snuggle up when she takes a nap on the giant laZ-boy. You very quickly become her human-sized plush. You sometimes wake up because of her comical snoring or tusks tickling against your neck as she mumbles in her sleep. You once tried to tell her you’ve caught her drooling in her sleep and she denies it with her life.
-No one being able to out-drink her when you guys go out. Too often, you’ve had overly confident strangers challenge her, only for them to end up passed out in a nearby corner (and or alley) while your girlfriend remains perfectly sober and stoic as ever. Depending on her mood, she’ll sometimes whisper in your ear, “I promise to make you come for the number of drinks they have before passing out. You better keep track.” - She finishes with a wink and more often than not she will not adhere to the number, usually going over.
-You accidentally discover how ticklish her back is one day, resulting in a high giggle being released from your usually intimidating partner (but definitely not in this moment). She immediately covers her mouth with her hand, face beet red before throwing you a death glare that says, “this dies with us”. You promptly respond with a zipping your mouth gesture, fighting back a smile. You thought she’d annoyingly stomp off, but she instead sighs in relief before placing an appreciative kiss on your forehead, whispering, “thank you”. You do use her sensitive back to your advantage in more intimate moments going forward…hey, you’re only human.
-Her picking you up from work on her impressive motorcycle, much to the surprise of your coworkers. You especially love her timing when a certain gentleman can’t take no for an answer, only for her to roll up next to you both and very quickly tower over him after getting off the bike. She looks down at him, stoned face before uttering a sentence, her voice completely steady, “if you leave now I promise to let all your limbs stay intact. How’s that sound?”- You’ve never seen a person disappear so quickly before your very eyes. You also can’t help but notice how you both seem to have a “late night” whenever someone attempts to hit on you; hm, weird.
-Her surprisingly giving the best massages you’ve ever had. She’s somehow extremely gentle and yet, also applies the right amount of pressure to your aching muscles. More than once, these massages have started innocent but then become much more heated by the end. It doesn’t help that you’ve once looked back at her as she straddled your form and all you saw was pure lust behind those black eyes. You remember her softly saying, “I’m sorry, my heart, but your noises are starting to become a bit distracting…”. Without missing a beat you respond, “show me how distracting…”- She quickly turned you over and showed you just how “distracting” you’ve been for her, again, and again.
-You coming home to a brand new wooden table in your apartment. What’s more strange is how upon closer inspection, you realize everything about it is your dream table; gorgeous wood choice, details carved into the legs, and a matte finish that brings out the grain. You’ve only told one person about wanting a table straight from a “fantasy novel,” and that same person walks out of the bathroom, dusting themselves of wood chips. She gives you a small smirk, asking if you like it, and you just stand there in awe. She goes on to tell you she’s personally proud of getting the shape “just right,” and that’s when it hits you; she made it. You still ask her in a small voice for confirmation, and she raises an eyebrow as if you’ve asked an obvious question, “I hope so, if not I’m not sure where all these splitters came from,” flashing you a goofy grin. Her grin is replaced with a look of confusion once she feels you suddenly hug her and tightly. If only you knew then that building something for your partner was considered one of the leading steps towards a marriage proposal in her culture. To this day, just looking at that lovely table brings a smile to your face.
When everyone said “Welcome to the New Normal” at the start of lockdown, but you were already staying at home and avoiding all human contact
