505

and no one leaves.

Image I.D. — “I am starved for tenderness and this is what is the matter with me and has been the matter with me for months.” — End I.D.

autumn is really like. i brought you some sunlight from when you were 10. didn't the world feel so bright to you then? i'll drench your hands in syrupy nostalgia, so everything you make is stained bittersweet. i'll ruffle your hair with an ice-kissed breeze--it'll be the kindest touch you've had in years. you finally feel like a part of something grander. i'm the last warm hand you hold before winter surrender.

“taylor sang both parts of exile!!!” so have I crying my one woman duet in the shower she ain’t special

“It’s okay if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again.

It’s okay to fall apart even after you had it under control.

You are not weak. Healing is messy. And there is no timeline for healing.”

Everyone makes mistakes, even mistakes that hurt people. What is important is that you grow from them. It is okay to make big mistakes, to fuck up, to feel like the world is ending from them AND, What is important is that you keep going. The world is not ending. This is normal. You can fix this or work on it or grow. You are not a bad person for making mistakes.

— Unknown

the way that “you’re losing me” starts off slow and composed and oh im just sitting here thinking but as it progresses it gets more hysterical and desperate and all over the place and she’s going from trying to prove she’s worth it and the best thing at the party to empathizing with him “i wouldn’t marry me either” to try and convince him to fight and to do something and then the slow realization in the end as the song calms down again that he’s made a decision and that’s just it

Crazy/Beautiful / Waves - Mr. Probz / Conversations Over Sanguinaccio Dolce - IB Vyache / Normal People / The Collected Poetry, 1968-1998 - Nikki Giovanni / Neon Genesis Evangelion / Golden Age - Ethel Cain

relating to marianne sheridan is feeling awful about yourself until someone wants you, needing someone else's validation to feel good but never getting it, hating yourself but also thinking you're the smartest person in every room, achieving but things that don't even matter that much to you just to prove to yourself and everyone around you that you can, the constant need to show everyone that you're worth something but still always feeling like you're never doing enough, wanting to work more but not being able to make yourself do anything, gifted kid burnout, feeling alone most of the time, feeling like you were born sad and can never be truly happy for a longer period of time, wanting to end it but being in love with life...

Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

I hope…

Anyways I’m listening to debut and “you cry, but you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one” and “I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try” and “told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential” and “all the young things line up to take your place / another name is up in lights, you wonder if you’ll make it out alive” and “but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me” and “I’m like a monster on the hill, slowly lurching towards your favorite city, pierced through the heart but never killed” she writes a lot about a deep seated feeling of inadequacy that I feel like is very much overlooked

goddamn

On grief and loss

1. Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior/ 2. Andrew Garfield interview/ 3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix/ 4. Jamie Anderson/ 5. Fleabag/ 6. Anne Carson, Glass, irony and god / 7. Brokeback Mountain/ 8. Jandy Nelson, The Sky Is Everywhere/ 9. John Banville, The Sea/ 10. Wandavision