Sorry, I could never be a capitalist, I suffer from “wanting humans to have their basic needs met” disorder, where I care about people who aren’t me.

Someone once asked me if, assuming we got universal healthcare, I would be okay with the rise in “healthcare tourism” where people who are sick come to our country to get their medical bills taken care of and life-saving medical treatment cheaper than in their home countries. I was just like, yeah thats fine, I’d actually prefer it if 0 people died from preventable causes kept behind a paywall for no reason.

“even the addicts?” yeah dude did i fucking stutter

You underestimate me.... *unsheaths and re-sheaths my sword in the blink of an eye. you now have top surgery*

peace and love on planet earth

the titsaiga, capable of removing 100 breasts in a single slash

the tensaiga, capable of restoring 100 boobs from another realm

If it generally scuttles along the floor then you got a crreature. if it's Out there eating up your prized jasmine, then that's a varmint. and if it gnashes you. then you got yourself a beastie

that one friend who’s always cold: i’m cold

that one friend who can see ghosts: which is weird because you’re not even being haunted right now or anything

the older i get, the more i need time & personal space to be as boring as possible

I understand old men sitting on porches staring at an empty field more now than ever.

they're not even his teeth

I just watched a man release every Pokemon he caught except for a level 5 Magikarp, waste all of his money and throw away all of his items at the Pokemon center just before the elite four in Pokemon red in order to trap himself in an unwinnable game. He couldn’t beat the elite 4 with a level 5 magikarp, and it couldn’t learn the hm moves necessary to leave victory road, and Magikarp only knew splash and had absolutely no chance of beating the level 40ish Pokemon there so… This guy wanders around victory road hoping a Geodude or Graveler would use selfdestruct or explosion in the first turn of an encounter and miss his Magikarp, which is technically possible because even moves with a 100% hitrate have a 1/256 chance to still miss. It happened eventually, and he beat the elite four with a level 100 gyarados

What the actual fuck

For some context, this is from a video series called “SoftLockPicking” where a guy’s followers come up with challenges to get him stuck in an unwinnable game and he tries to see if he can get out of them. Sort of a video game escape artist.

Fireflies photograph in trees with long time exposure.

He was right: I do not believe my eyes.

and hilariously that is not why it is called that.

It is the circle of the bears cause of ursa major and ursa minor, and the circle without bears cause ya'know opposite part of the sky.

We lucked right into that one....

#so what you’re saying is#the stars dictate whether bears do or do not exist in places

Astrology is real but only for predicting where bears will be

Bears do not travel to places they cannot see their gods

I've seen this post before but it only just occurred to me that there might be some sort of underlying reason that "places where bears are" and "places where people name stars after bears" overlap.

Reblogging for that last comment.

turning off your computer by clicking the digital shut down button = softly kissing it goodnight

turning off your computer by holding down the physical power button = strangling her to death

I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight

this same idiot: what kind of animal is the pink panther

me, already taking off my clothes: benjamin you’re so fucking stupid

oh my god the original out in the wild

Big Labor News, the WGA won on nearly all fronts.

Impressive work by WGA.

How did X get even stupider.

THIS BITCH EMPTY

XEET

o7

me: this is a background character who's in one scene, has two lines, and is completely irrelevant to the rest of the story. i am going to stop obsessing over what to name him and use the random name generator on behindthename.com. i am going to accept the first thing it gives me and move the fuck on.

behindthename.com:

It’s cool. Take a shower. Open the windows to let in fresh air even if it’s cold out. Listen to the wind rustling the leaves & the people walking and chatting. Clean something random to see that you can make a difference through action. This too shall pass

not to be a history fucker on main but the whole mystery of the lost colony of roanoke is so fucking funny

governor of the colony: hey I’m gonna go back to england to get more supplies

115 colonists: okay

governor: ends up spending 3 years in england bc of a naval war with spain or some shit

governor: gets back to the colony to find everyone gone

governer: sees the word “croatoan”, the name of a native american tribe, carved into a post

croatoan tribe: has members and children with blonde hair/blue eyes, pale skin

everyone: what could have happened to the colonists of roanoke

hi! op here. I’m fucking hyperventilating