The introductory “Hate” monologue from I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream, with AM voiced by the TikTok TTS
You and that last anon were so right, like I bet Bruce pays Tim a million every month he keeps the Wayne in his last name—Jason stopped replying to anything but Jason Wayne when he was fourteen and it carried over to when he was revived. Tim comes for family brunch every once in a blue moon and half the time it's because he wants something, and never called to say he won't be there until Jason threatened him.
Tim "why the fuck did Bruce get me anything for my birthday" Drake and Jason "gets fifteen different gifts and five boxes of chocolate and a box case mix and at least thirty different books" Todd are not the same.
YES PLEASE - tim drake who has no idea why Bruce wants to parent him so much; why he insistently invites Tim to his nest of jagged, sharp beaked birds, but a part of him cherishing it and loving it and not wanting it to stop
Give me Tim Drake who DOES show he cares; as much as a child who knew alone before he knew anything else could. He's so frustrated that he can't responds to Bruce's love with his own, because what if his love won't be enough?
What if his love is wrong and misfit to this crooked puzzle of a family? But still. When Jason slaps a stack of photos to his lap, glare hard, more intimidating than Red Hood could hope to be, Tim stares back dumbly.
"... What's this?"
" Your mom. Superman. I want a shit load of data on him, with a side of weak points. Just in case."
This is about Superman inviting their father for a drink after saving him from Condiment King, most surely, but Tim won't add that.
Dick, face mask and towel tied around his head, sing songs " Mommy's boyyy~" as he passes both of them, but clearly aiming at Jason, to paint his face a red hood red.
" I WILL EAT YOU!" He turns to Tim, again, arms crossed and glare dulled, but still stern and impatient. " Can you do it or not, Tweety?"
"... I already did."
"... Did you."
" Yeah, I was worried about Bruce! Superman's like, insufferably perfect, but you just never know. " Jason spares a few more moments staring, something akin to approval growing in his spring green eyes.
Like, God, let Tim realize Jason isn't pissed at him because he was replaced as Robin; Jason is pissed at him because he thinks Tim doesn't care about BRUCE
"Estranged son Jason" "Estranged son Dick" you are all WRONG, TIM is the estranged son. Jason breaks down crying if Bruce doesn't send him a paragraph of a good morning text every day.
Tim is never home unless he physically can't avoid it. Tim doesn't visit unless everything's going to shit and he has to do damage control and run interference to make sure nobody storms off in a moody fit and drops off the map for months. Tim pulls the you're not my dad card immediately Bruce tries to parent him in a way he doesn't like (literally any way that isn't extremely hands-off) and Bruce can't even say anything to the contrary because Tim's emancipated and Bruce was his legal guardian for less than two years.
Jason comes home for the week before and after every holiday, no matter how much he grumbles, and goes all sullen whenever he doesn't have his pile of thirty-three or more gifts. Jason handmakes Bruce father’s day gifts and sulks whenever Bruce glances at anyone else's for a second more.
Tim has to be begged and bargained with and blackmailed into coming for even just the day of the holiday—left to him, he would just send gifts and be done with it. Tim says him even showing up to Father's Day itself is enough of a gift, and gives Bruce a store-bought card and Batman tie.
Tim's difficult for the sake of being difficult. Jason’s difficult because he wants attention. Tim would be happy if Bruce only made him do bi-monthly check-ins digitally and the occasional gala for the public. Jason demands Bruce’s time and effort but only in the way he wants it.
The reason is simple; Tim grew up an only child with no supervision as long as he got good grades and didn't cause any trouble his parents would have to deal with. Jason was the youngest child to an overachiever older brother for years and was used to everything being his way.
GODDDDD FOR THE LOVE OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR BRITNEY SPEARS CAN I GET MORE SPOILED BRAT " i NEED bruce to pay attention to me 24/7/365 or I'll die again" JASON CONTENT?????
LIKE, GOD, I LOVE THIS; Listen. Sometimes older children are youngest sibling coded and it doesn't fucking matter Jason is the second oldest. This motherfucker gets away with more shit than DAMIAN and that says a LOT
LOGICALLY, (and this isn't me wanting Jason to act like the kid he never got to be, what are you talking about) the person he'd have MOST beef with would be Damian for stealing his spotlight as the youngest.
He'll absolutely act like the big brother we all know he is and love, BUT. he crosses the line at Bruce.
He sees Damian wear one of HIS old sweaters that Bruce knitted for him and they both threw a tantrum while Bruce sighed in the background till he passed out. " MY sweater."
" MY Baba."
" THAT'S IT-"
Tim????? Tim doesn't have a love language with a solid foundation yet, and he's just not used to (or expected) Bruce to be so attentive?
What do you mean you want to hear about my day? What do you mean you made a snack for me? What do you mean you love me regardless of my accomplishments?
AND YOU KNOW, I hear the " Dick drags his siblings to the manor because Bruce loves their company and loves seeing all the baby birds in one nest" crowd. I LOVE you people.
But I'm begging. Imagine you're Tim Drake and you get a furious message from your older brother crime lord about you missing family brunch.
" Literally how fucking hard it is to call and say you won't be there, fuck off Papi cut his finger trying to make that dumbass muffin you like, call home you piece of shit. Love you."
If Talia were to tell Battinson they had a baby together and she sadly couldn't leave her cultist father just yet, Bruce would just. Take Damian.
As in, pluck him from Ra's arms as he's in the middle of his " my heir will rule the world" monologue and just walk away without a word. " WH- Talia! Stop him?!"
" Our therapist advised me to set boundaries with toxic parental figures, so, politely, I'll make sure not to do that."
When Selina wheeled her way out of Gotham, a member of her army of cats was pregnant; She yelled when Bruce told her.
Something about Simba knowing better, and how Bruce better look for the cat who knocked her baby up and make him stay, and Bruce says Simba's kittens get along well with Damian.
"...What?!"
" I have a baby now. Would you like to meet him? He's very friendly when he's asleep."
Bruce behaves like he was born holding babies; Damian never cries in his arms, his chubby fingers firmly hooked on his arms, round cheeks warm with pleasure while Bruce sings him to sleep and feeds him with his frog milk bottle.
All the while a small kitten sleeps on Damian’s tummy. In the Batcave. Now fully baby proofed. Alfred burns gin and tonic like he's cashing checks for it.
" Oh wow. That's...That's a baby. "
Ivy couldn't look more terrified if she tried, " That's a baby!"
Harley is overjoyed " THAT'S A BABY!"
" Shh. He doesn't like loud noises," Bruce tells them, and Selina wonders if only they know? Gotham's been suspiciously quiet since she returned. Almost like a courtesy, " His name is Damian. He likes cow mooing. "
"... That's very normal."
Harley, who's digging through Damian's toys already, says its actually more normal than they'd expect, but Selina needs a drink already because she can't be an aunt before 3 glasses of wine.
" Are you sure he's even yours?"
Bruce hums, " Does it matter? He's in my house already."
" Of course you'd say that."
" I signed the papers already."
" Oooof course you did. "
AU where Talia’s obsession with Bruce is tilted a little to the left and when Bruce adopts Dick she’s like !!!!! My beloved you should have told me you wanted children what a wonderful eldest son we have I want custody over summer I will train him to as the best Assassin the world has ever seen I love him so much etc etc Bruce and Dick are obviously freaked out a little by this.. anyway her response to not getting summer custody is to make Damian in her fake womb and not give Bruce custody (or knowledge of his existence). She is equally enthusiastic about each new addition to the family and they all get increasingly strange holiday and birthday gifts from her. When Dick first moved to Bludhaven he came home one day to League style daggers and a ‘I’m so proud of you, love, mom’ note on his kitchen counter and poison in all his food. When she gets hold of zombie!Jason she’s like ‘finally I get custody time to bond with my sons’. Damian is still completely fucked up when he gets to Gotham but this time the murder attempts are because of the lack of birthday gifts.
Remember when Bruce “died” that one time? She immediately swoops in, like sure her not-husband died but nobody can stop her from getting custody now! Dick and Damian do the whole Batman and Robin routine and she’s just starts sobbing like, “you two look so much like your father!!!” and start snapping photos. Meanwhile, She’s completely supportive of Tim’s “Bruce is alive” theory because she read in mother’s weekly that it was good to support your children’s hobbies. Also, every time Jason kills someone shes puts a gold star on him helmet. Like “yes son! Bathe in the blood of your enemies!”
Battle of the cowl? Nope doesn’t even happen, everyone is to busy trying to ward off Talia to care. Tim tries to get emancipated like in the original and Talia just assumes he wants her to have full custody incase Bruce comes back. Cass is dragged to a mommy-daughter event under a threat of poisoning the city’s water supply. It’s chaos, but Alfred finally got to take his 20-weeks of unused vacation time.
idk who needs to hear this but,,,every piece of fandom content you make should be self indulgent. you should be creating because it gives you happiness and nothing less. you aren't a machine meant to only give to other people. the enjoyment should always come before the validation.
!!!!!!
there is a very real tendency of teenagers with anxiety disorders self diagnosing with considerably more stigmatized and impairing mental illnesses (e.g. schizophrenia, DID, personality disorders), but the best response to that isn't to get angry with them for "appropriating" lol. instead you show them coping resources for the problems they're actually having and deemphasize diagnostic categories in general. if an 18 year old is claiming to have alzheimer's, they're probably making an innocent mistake and are in genuine distress. be kind.
Also I think this trend comes, at least in part, from how brushed aside anxiety disorders can be. If your parents and teachers dismiss you with 'oh everyone feels anxious', then inevitably you're going to start thinking that there must be something else going on with you
”You must feel very scared right now; let’s talk about how to help you personally, tailored to your symptoms” will always be more helpful than “stop faking (X) for attention”. If theyre that desperate for attention or an explanation, something is wrong.
And like, at least some of them are probably right. Yeah these disorders are less common than things like anxiety disorders, but they are more common than you think they are. Like, they probably shouldn't self diagnose without doing a reasonable amount of research and talking to a professional if possible, but not every single one of them is wrong, and being wrong about something is not the same thing as lying about having something you don't. Be nice to teenagers they're still learning
if i were showrunner i would have simply licensed ABBA
I’ve never seen a single episode of supernatural. Is this the ship everyone has been waiting to become canon? Because I get why
i sometimes forget that if u haven’t seen spn u would have absolutely no idea that misha collins had to put on this ridiculous fucking voice for 12 years
So there's this character they don't like
why are terrible celebrity imagines so funny. how do i find more of these without suffering the indignity of searching “bts imagines”
more of these please
do you think i can survive three years of college with severe unmedicated adhd and an internet addiction
yes i'm asking a random tumblr blog i am that miserable
dont know about the adhd but i made it through while heavily tumblr blogging the whole time so live laugh love ig
i have severe adhd and im straight raw dogging this shit u can do it bestie!!! just live in routine u got this
something so funny about katy perry singing ‘just own the night like the fourth of july’ at the coronation concert. yes katy, let’s take back the night, declare independence from the monarchy and throw them in the harbour
I'm like if a chivalrous knight kissed a fair maiden's hand and said "my lady, I fight for you" and then walked off and immediately tripped over his own armor and fell on the ground
when i was a kid i used to shove a handful of dry cornflakes into my mouth, suck on it till its squishy, and then spit it out. and then do the same thing a few more times and squish everything into one big blob and then eat it
i think what im learning from my ask box from the last like 20 hours is that we shouldn't let autistic people (myself included) anywhere near food
I saw that you mentioned someone licked a medieval painting, and I have a peice of vellum from the 1600s its got a letter from a priest on it, it made me curious on how animals from the 1600s tasted like, so I licked it, it tasted dry and faintly of sawdust, I will find other old things to taste and report back :3
conservators must hate tumblr users
OBSESSED with the fact that there’s a redditor out there who calls themselves “PISS BOT” but carries themselves with the unflappable politeness of a confused Victorian gentleman.
the most beautiful stories repeat themselves over and over and over again, time weaving itself into a blanket to warm our beds
Hit 60,000 followers, @staff will you hire me yet
Staff should hire both of us. I mean one of us is a well-known hacker who leaked the no fly list and is wanted by the US government and you're also here
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nooo little meow meow don't fall in !!!
oh no!!! the cat is wearing nyairpods and can’t hear you !!!



















