📷mine
#glorious south
Η πρώτη μου σχέση πριν 10 χρόνια, την ώρα που χωρίζαμε, στην ερώτηση:
«Μ’ αγαπάς;»
Είχε απαντήσει:
«Όχι. Αγαπούσα αυτό που είχαμε, και προσπαθούσα να το ξαναβρώ».
Με αρρώστησε τότε αυτή η φράση. Σήμερα την καταλαβαίνω, και την έχω ήδη αναπαράγει.
no offense but i just…. want silence everything is too loud and too much
Και εσυ τα δέχεσαι με απελπισία αυτά τα πράγματα που δεν τα θέλεις.
Άλλα ζητεί η ψυχή σου, για άλλα κλαίει.
.
Καβάφης.
lowkey wanna disappear for a little
Lowkey wish it was permanent
Prometheus: Unbound 505 / Oil, acrylic, ink, graphite, & wax pencil on canvas.
starting to realize i don’t have a lot of friends. i just know a lot of people
Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.
It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.
Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.
It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.
This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.
Suicide attempts are traumatic
I don't hear anyone talking about this. But attempting to take your own life is traumatic.
The moments before the attempt are the most heartbreaking. The planning of it. Writing the suicide notes. You imagine all the pain will stop, but you wake up in the morning in your bed/floor/hospital bed/after a coma. Still alive. The ambulance rides. Your friends/family yelling/crying/asking questions. Trying to find the words to doctors why you did it. All you wanted was for it all to stop, but it was the most heartbreaking, painful both mentally and physically, draining thing you went through. Maybe you woke up with regret, maybe with relief.
But after you get back out in the real world, you have to act like nothing happened. You have to keep living surviving after something so traumatic. You still think about that event over and over. What would it be like if it worked? Why didn't it work? The way you did it, triggers you every time you see that thing/place. You get flashbacks. Ambulances make you re-remember everything all over again.
If you've survived, I'm proud you're still here. You're a survivor. Life might not look like it's worth it sometimes, but your future holds something amazing for you, I promise it does get better. Little by little. Don't give up just yet.
Gonna start referring to all my past traumatic experiences as "lore"
“life isn’t about evading hell. life is about living beautifully despite it.”
— sulē cerdan