when you’ve been carrying around an empty plastic bottle for 2 hrs because you can’t find a recycling bin

only sexy bitches sit on kitchen counters that’s the law

me: i don’t have to write it down, i’ll remember me, 5 minutes later:

Me listening to a thunderstorm: this honestly goes off

quiet down everyone its being sad time

john mulaney looked so stunned to win the emmy because now his immortal life is recorded in history, so 100 years from now when a historian asks him why he looks so much like that emmy award-winning comedian, he’s going to have to throw his money clip in order to distract them

“you want it? GO GET IT~” 

me: i really need to talk this out with someone 

my anxiety: ur coming off needy. isolate urself and handle it. all u need is U!

in the mood….. to be held

ALSHDKHSKDJahdjk