funnytwittertweets
men should do it now instead
Fermenting in a butch honoring way
I MEANT FEMME NOT FERMENTING
my favorite part about x files is how mulder is always like ‘bigfoot has been riding thru the town on a skateboard’ and scully is like ‘that’s ridiculous’ and the second her back is turned bigfoot skates by
wtf drinking is cool again
We played this at my wedding and the guests decided that if their wizard stick was as tall as large bastard (6'8") they attained jedi status. Which is why the day after my wedding was full of nerds puking.
TUMBLR USER: don't use tiktok. it spies on you ME: sooo true. time to check grindr MID TRANS WOMAN ON GRINDR: hey ME: still got it baby!! GUY IN MINSK WHO HAS TOTAL ACCESS TO ALL MY PHONE'S METADATA NOW: oh yeah. You love to move around with phone, don't you. Now walk into kitchen for Oleg you dirty slut
Why are website settings temporary now. Why do I have to constantly go back and tell websites to quit showing me shit. Leave me be
"snooze this feature for 30 days" what if I hit you over the head what then
A little brown bunny was so kind and sweet it stretched its whole body out and got long enough to go to sleep
can u pls leave the discussions to the scholars
as a kid i had one of those “there’s a monster under my bed” moments except real.
every night i would cry about a ghost or something trying to scare me by knocking on my bedroom windows and walls. like, really loudly, every hour or so, every night. only at night. so my dad was like “heh okay kiddo let’s check it out :) ah see? there’s nothing here :)” and left.
until years later he admitted to me that he did in fact hear the unexplainable knocking when he slept in that room one night, and it kept him awake with fear. and suddenly felt awful for not believing little kid me.
imagine your kid being like “daddy there’s a demon in my closet” and you being like ok son lemme just check that for you :). and you open the door and there’s a demon in the closet
WHAT
it’s always the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, but never the Irritating Ordeal of Being Known
someone: [correctly infers something about my personality based on my patterns of behavior]
me: [seethes with rage for some fucking reason]
children should NOT be forced to wake up earlier than 6 am to get to school on time. what if they are working the night shift at freddy fazbear’s
targuzzler-deactivated20180224
Anonymous asked:
when I was a child my cat died and the only way I could rationalise it was drawing her being crucified because I went to a catholic school and I thought that just happened to everyone when they died
I cant comment on this just fucking look at it
connection
just so you guys know someone qrted this on twitter with the caption "George and John". like from the beatles