Man the Ozempic discourse is going to give me an aneurysm.

"Oh it solves obesity and also as a side effect cures your addictions? But... doesn't that just mean you're addicted to Ozempic? *smirk*"

If you say these things, I think you should get rolled up in a carpet and trampled by horses.

On a slightly more sober note, I just find it so depressing how many people are ideologically committed to not solving problems unless its with their preferred solution.

Just on the topic of GLP-1 agonists, I've seen multiple versions of this. It's not ok to lose weight unless it's through an act of willpower and discipline. Drugs are cheating. It's not ok to solve obesity unless it's by "banning addictive junk food". Drugs are letting those evil companies off the hook. (How? Does losing your customers not count? The person in question described solving this through medicine as "bleak".)

And expanding to other topics, it's idontwantasolutioniwanttobemad.jpg repeated over and over. Can't solve anything unless it's via The Revolution or it purifies the hearts and minds of the sinful or it immanentizes the eschaton or it punishes the wicked or whatever.

Bleak.

We cannot let Frank die without winning this poll. She is OUR bot.

transphobia will ultimately die, because its origin is in a very particular cultural neurosis about effeminacy contaminating masculinity. so much prejudice is really just downstream of that one deeply irrational berserk button in people’s brains that once you begin to disarm it (even a little bit), the whole edifice begins to irrevocably crumble. but it takes a while and the lunatics in whom the implantation procedure was especially effective will fight tooth and nail for it, because the more desperate and unjustifiable a belief is, the more you have to be emotionally invested in it in order to maintain its existence.

this is wrong, which is why it isn’t what I wrote! to be clear:

there are, e.g., plenty of examples of cultures historically that were pretty (or even very) patriarchal but had much more relaxed attitudes toward homosexuality or policed gender boundaries differently, bc that specific contamination-anxiety wasn’t part of the cultural package

and even where elements of that contamination anxiety are present, they can emphasize elements of subjugation over elements of gendered contamination–e.g., the hierarchy of penetrability in the ancient mediterranean world that didn’t abjure homosexuality so much as it did improper “subjugation” (i.e., penetration) of high-status men by low-status men

homosexuality as effeminacy seems to be a slightly more recent construction; it’s certainly not a cultural universal. and similarly, the understanding of transgender women or gender non-conforming men as representing a contamination of masculinity by effeminacy is also not a cultural universal, given that plenty of cultures have had third gender roles. many of these cultures have also been quite patriarchal, so it’s not like some great enlightenment on equality between the sexes is required to overcome this specific contamination anxiety

but this contamination anxiety is present in western culture, was more prominent in the recent past, and has been a major vector for not only homophobic and transphobic rhetoric but even at times for racial and political anxieties. and even challenging patriarchy itself isn’t necessarily sufficient for disarming this anxiety–there are plenty of people (i.e., the people the term TERF was originally coined to describe) who want to strictly police the boundaries of gender identity, but who are also opposed to historical patriarchal norms. personally, i think that challenge is more effective if you don’t police gender expression, but while the two phenomena, patriarchy and the contamination anxiety, might be connected, they can exist independently. plainly, they can–the legal and many of the social norms that historically supported patriarchy in the west were rapidly dismantled in the 20th century long before there was any serious confrontation of the endemic disgust people felt for effeminate men.

and i want to be clear here: when i talk about this contamination anxiety, this “berserk button” as i put it, i really do mean a very strong form of anxiety. not just the desire some people feel to fulfill a masculine gender role well, or the existence of gender roles (even strongly gendered roles). i mean, like, the violent response, the people whose reaction to seeing “a man in a dress” is a desire to inflict violence. people who think the correct reaction to being “tricked” into finding a trans woman attractive is murder. that has been a reaction so common and considered so normal it was a subject for lighthearted comedy in the anglosphere right up until the beginning of this century.

@locally-normal

so first off, transmisogyny is one of the central examples of the contamination anxiety i’m talking about. because the contamination-fearing worldview doesn’t allow that trans women are women, and sees male homosexuality as much more threatening than female homosexuality, the only vector by which masculinity can be truly contaminated by femininity is if men debase themselves by taking on elements of what “should” be the feminine role (effeminacy)

in this worldview, ftm transition is simply women pretending at masculinity, which is bad, but not really a threat to the gendered power structure that is being defended. because of course the inferior class wants to pretend at membership in the superior class! all cultural tropes aimed at the policing and maintenance of hierarchy understand that, and guard against it, but it’s still flattering to the empowered class, because (again, so the defenders of hierarchy imagine) the only legitimate exercise of authority is as a member of this superior class.

women, or peasants, or colonial subjects getting ideas above their station is bad (and frequently still results in violent oppression), but it doesn’t threaten the fundamental existence of the hierarchy. social mobility might weaken the hierarchy, but it won’t necessarily destroy it. on the other hand, any kind of unity or solidarity or expression of sympathy in the other direction is a huge problem, because if members of the empowered class desert their posts, then the hierarchy may collapse entirely, like the liberal nobles who threw their lot in with the revolutionaries to bring down the Kingdom of France.

and i think you see this reflected in the uneven application of anxieties about the threat of trans people: the classic sexist formulation that has men as sexual agents and women as sexual subjects rhetorically dwells on the threat of deviant men (i.e., trans women) toward women; women infiltrating men’s spaces doesn’t even register on anyone’s radar as a thing to even try to get people to care about. the idea that boys might want to wear skirts is infinitely more threatening than the idea girls might want to wear pants–indeed, to the point where women wearing pants has become basically totally uncontroversial since the 19th century. i think that points to a real underlying feature of the hierarchy, and of hierarchy maintenance in general.

but, i read this comment at first in the opposite sense, that the contamination anxiety explains transmisogyny, but not transmisandry (is that a word people use?)–that, in essence, the bigotry against trans men has a different source than the bigotry against trans women.

i want to talk about that idea, too, because i think it’s incorrect, but in a way that’s not trivial.

in general, western cultural anxiety about gender roles has tended to assign less threat to either women taking on male roles, or to female homosexuality. less, but not none, and again, that doesn’t mean that that bigotry hasn’t frequently had violent expression, as innumerable examples will attest. for the hierarchy and its exploitative features to operate correctly–to get women to stay at home and do all the housework and keep out of the political sphere and be sexually available to men–the defenders of the hierarchy are still willing to resort to violence to enforce it.

but at least in the particular traditional (within the last ~2-300 years) western formulation, 1) women are, as i mentioned above, sexual objects and not sexual agents, and denying female agency or even desire in sexuality essentially negates even the possibility of female homosexuality (hence moralists over the centuries denying it exists or denying it exists unless perverts go around giving good girls bad ideas), and 2) the way trans men’s experiences are invalidated and their internal reports of their own identity and desires and agency are ignored are emblematic of an attempt to force them back into the category of “woman.” books like Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier infantilize trans men and favor the dubious reports of parents over trans men describing their own experience, and promote a theory that they’re basically just poor little women who got confused by the big bad internet.

transmisandry is, in other words, builds on classic misogyny by those who refuse to acknowledge trans men are men. because the charge of effeminacy is part of the boundary maintenance of masculine gender roles, the way those boundaries are enforced on nonconforming amab people can be kind of a catch-22: you’re Not a Real Man, unless you agree, in which case you’re also not a Real Woman, just a man in a dress. transmisandry, though, is much more straightforward: it’s just “shut the fuck up you stupid woman.”

i think it’s worth thinking about the way the same underlying attempt at the enforcement of hierarchy polices gender roles differently, because they are definitely related but lead to distinctly different experiences on the part of the people they are inflicted on. but, to be clear, neither bigotry is “softer” or “gentler” than the other–they’re both cruel and stupid, and frequently result in violence, even lethal violence.

FEMALE CHASER: you’re like the perfect form. a beautiful blend of man and woman. I used to fantasise about people like you existing. you’re so brave and perfect and you’re my good girl and everything’s going to be okay forever I promise

MALE CHASER: will you dress like my daughter

this is so funny to read as a gay trans masc because my experience happens to be like

Male Chaser: you are an otherworldly creature of pure light. i cant believe i am getting to have sex with you right now. your body and what it can do is incredible. i can barely contain myself. would you like to ride on my sibian for hours while i fetch you various beverages from my fridge.

Female Chaser: *rubbing my arms greasonously like theyre trying to start a fire* I just broke up with my boyfriend and im ready to Experiment

female chasers of trans women pls 🥺

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

Jesus christ, YES. I feel this so hard.

Such a good post.

FEMALE CHASER: you’re like the perfect form. a beautiful blend of man and woman. I used to fantasise about people like you existing. you’re so brave and perfect and you’re my good girl and everything’s going to be okay forever I promise

MALE CHASER: will you dress like my daughter

this is so funny to read as a gay trans masc because my experience happens to be like

Male Chaser: you are an otherworldly creature of pure light. i cant believe i am getting to have sex with you right now. your body and what it can do is incredible. i can barely contain myself. would you like to ride on my sibian for hours while i fetch you various beverages from my fridge.

Female Chaser: *rubbing my arms greasonously like theyre trying to start a fire* I just broke up with my boyfriend and im ready to Experiment

i wanna do a thing where i lay out studies that show things in different primates that show us parts of ourselves as humans. Call it Primates: Through the Looking Glass or The Monkey in the Mirror or something

There are studies and documentaries that show things about Gorillas, Chimpanzees, Bonobos, Baboons, Macaques… that just make sense to me. That if shown right would make sense to a lot of people, i think.

like… they were studying this one group of gorillas –

okay wait. First of all, you know a silverback (the Big Male) of the group is not the leader or in charge or anything, right? He has a role, and it includes a certain amount of control, which i’ll explain briefly, but he’s not, like, in charge.

wait, you know all that Dominance/Alpha theory about wolves is all wrong, right?

wait wait wait, and also that like, the bull or the stag or whatever in a herd is not in charge of anything, right? right?

hold on. the wolves is it’s own post, the herd thing i might get back to, we’re on gorillas, okay. Silverback is basically just the male head of an extended family in which plenty of the leadership is handled by the women of the family.

There are often 2-4 silverbacks, but one, usually the largest, will clearly be senior to the others who are often his sons or brothers. Silverbacks have three main roles

1: defend the group from all physical threats aside from people, these threats are mostly random male gorillas, chimpanzee baby-snatching gangs, and the occasional leopard. Just his alert presence handles most scenarios, and then maybe a few times a year he has to risk his life fulfilling this responsibility. It is this role that provides most of whatever actual power he has over the group, namely this: while he isn’t necessarily the one deciding when and where the group goes on a daily basis, if the most powerful/capable silverback does decide to travel a direction, they pretty much have to go with him, the family isn’t safe without him.

2: make babies. And this is one area where the ladies of the group will sometimes sort of vote with their ovaries, and favor a silverback that isn’t the main one, like “yeah, Frank, you are the biggest, but honestly you’re a dick and we’re going to make sure the next generation of silverbacks isn’t another one of you.” When you see a main large silverback in a group of gorillas, it isn’t, like, his blindly loyal harem, they have to approve of him. Also gorilla females move between groups, and sometimes they take members with them or start new groups and stuff. Anyway i’m getting off track, one of the silverbacks jobs is making babies

3. keep the peace This functions a lot like being in the back seat with your siblings with your parents up front. Basically any disputes within the group have to be handled within a certain parameter of decorum, because if it gets too out of hand HE’s going to come over, and He’ll be upset, which is low-key terrifying because He’s huge, and there’s no telling who He’ll decide is at fault or what he’ll do about it, so letting a situation get out of hand is a losing scenario for everyone involved really. Tho typically he will favor senior females in disputes, in a “don’t you talk that way to your mom” kind of way.

one last thing, silverbacks don’t actually transfer power between silverbacks via battle every time.

Like i was just reading accounts from a multi-generational observational study of some wild gorillas that featured one big silverback just straight up taking over by performing the silverback duties better and becoming preferred by everyone else in the group. There was no fight, it just became, i do the job better, everyone likes me better, kicking my ass can’t change that, and boom, he was the primary silverback. And the other silverback might have been a bit dull, or a bit of a bully, but like us their species’ success is largely dependent on social intelligence; once he saw the writing on the wall, that other, slightly larger sivlerback didn’t even bother trying to change the situation with a physical fight, he understood what had happened.

okay so all that was just to tell you all this story. lol. Here’s what i saw in one documentary:

This very big, getting old silverback, who was hugely popular and successful, with a very large and tightly bonded family group, and a couple of his hulking adult sons backing him up. Everybody in his group seemed to love him a lot, he was particularly calm in that gentle giant sort of way, a safe, emotionally steady presence, happy to help raise his sons and daughters with kindness, and who could become a raging nightmare if pressed by a leopard … exactly what a band of gorillas wants in a silverback.

But one of his adult sons had plenty of silver on his own back, and was getting itchier and itchier to be main man of the group, and this is where we start our little drama

It seems to be coming to a head, and the observers are nervous about a fight for the position. The silverback and his son are both are huge, probably approaching 400lbs, mostly muscle, with long thick fangs and skulls topped with jaw muscles as big as human biceps to wield those teeth, which nature has given them primarily to fight other gorillas with. 

But then the next day, the old man leads the fam up the mountain.

it’s winter, which is why they have come down the mountain in the first place. But as we discussed, if he goes somewhere, they have to go, so they all follow behind.

up he goes, and then he sits. And waits. It’s cold and there is much less food up here at this time of year. There’s nothing to do but sit hungry in the cold. His size and metabolism makes him the most able to withstand the cold, but even he is pretty uncomfortable. 

And so he sits. And his family, perhaps confused, but loyal, sits around him.

But his son, the other huge silverback, with years of training even as an adult under his wise father, is ready and able to go off on his own. Finally, he stands up, makes clear his intentions to leave this uncomfortable place. A small handful of the other gorillas stand with him – if he goes down the mountain, then they can safely leave as well. He turns and heads down the mountain. After a moment, a few more gorillas leave the main group to follow. All in all it winds up being nearly half.

The wise older silverback thoughtfully watches his son leave with about half the group. He sits a while longer in the cold, in the company of those most loyal to him, and then takes them along a different path down the mountain

And those two groups still ran into each other sometimes, and were friendly. And sometimes a couple gorillas would change between the two groups. They were still close.

But i just thought that was such an elegant, meaningful way for that gorilla to handle that whole situation. And it makes a completely human sort of sense to me. 

trying 2 do like nontrivial makeup 4 the first time in a while and idk how anyone does this every day

skill issue: women who Do Makeup have been grinding it since the age of uhh idk? like, smol. so they had time to git gud at it

That’s actually a brilliant idea, even from a strict effectiveness standpoint.

Pity they got shut down.

Some examples:

Just goes to show how much data facebook/insta collect about you that gets sent to advertisers. Also facebook responded by effectively saying ‘yes we collect the data but we dont allow advertisers to say that they’re using this data’ after trying to accuse Signal of pulling a ‘PR stunt’. Facebook is so scummy.

it’s amazing how many years I can like a song without ever properly hearing the lyrics

one of the subtler ways in which the future sucks is that liner notes are often the only canonical public source of song lyrics, but they're not widely preserved or shared even by audiophiles, so "song lyrics" websites, which are infinitely more accessible, are almost always done by ear and thus tend to contain minor errors, meaning that we may someday end up in a future where the only publically available records of a song's lyrics will all reproduce plausible mistakes made ages ago

#lyrics rights are separately held so I assume someone has a master list somewhere

roflmaololkek, as if ever.

fascinating to watch society increasingly work itself into contortions about how to make a principled distinction between boy tits (pedestrial!) and girl tits (taboo!) because even as the rigid gender binary is slowly chipped away, we can’t handle the fact someone somewhere might be turned on

some breast cancer survivors have breasts but no nipples; are their chests nsfw? if they have their nipple transplanted to their forehead, must it be covered? if i have my nipples moved to my forehead but then later acquire tits via hrt or breast implants, then are they nsfw? why is a trans man’s chest post top surgery sfw but not pre? why is a flat-chested woman’s chest never sfw? what if someone refuses to disclose their AGAB? must they wear Schroedinger’s Sports Bra at all times? if someone transitions, has top surgery, then decides to go back to identifying as a woman, does their chest become NSFW again, or does it remain SFW?

so many philosophical questions! and what a waste of human brain power and technical ability to spend it all on arcane points of content moderation. at what point does this all become such a drag on our economy, that we have to jettison our hangups or else permit innovation to grind to a halt?

It’s not that “Someone, somewhere” we know it’s lots of people lots of where.

Basically if (cis straight) men are supposed to get a boner from it, then it’s to be covered. That’s the way the patriarchy works. 

It’s the fact that women are routinely sexualized and made into sex objects. We can’t both have sexualized breasts and “free the nipple”.  We have to solve breasts being sexual in the first place, which means a lot of conditioning to not see them as sexual. “But they should be sexual!!” Then they can never be free.

Maybe all chests should be covered with all these “Is it or isn’t it”

Sometimes I feel a lot of these “free the nips” posts are just people wanting free access to porn. Free access to women’s bodies. 

This is a bonkers take. Absolutely wild. “Policing women’s bodies is good, actually, because not only can we control what people are turned on by, we must.”

People are turned on by everything. Women’s tits. Men’s tits. Hands. Feet. Hair. Big noses. Little noses. Lips. Body shapes. Bodies being exposed. Bodies being covered up! Some significant proportion of the population will always find breasts sexy because some significant proportion of the population finds every part of the human body sexy. And it’s insane to act like sexualizing breasts is some freakish pathology of the male mind, when I have it on good authority that there are tons of lesbian and bi women who also find women’s breasts attractive.

This is one of those examples of people importing all the assumptions of religious purity culture directly into their feminism, and just making a dog’s breakfast of the whole thing. The lever actually available for the culture is how to get people to channel their sexuality in ways which are healthy, respectful, and considerate of the people they find attractive, not to try to dictate what people are or aren’t turned on by. Straight men are not hormone-addled monsters incapable of controlling their behavior, and I always find it weird when people adopt that particular purity culture belief and drop it whole into their supposedly feminist worldview.

the evidence of the very great variety in what features humans find attractive points to a pretty big role for socialization in shaping our sexual preferences, but it’s also a fairly indirect one. a lot of what we find attractive is essentially shaped by random psychological chance based on the bodies and relationships we see around us growing up; there are elements of sexuality (and gender identity) that can be fixed very early in some people, but remain mutable in others, and so forth.

but it seems unavoidable that marked secondary sexual characteristics, or even characteristics which are simply socially seen as being gendered, are inevitably going to be a focus for attraction! indeed, it’s almost certain that the reason humans have prominent fat deposits in breasts, and that the growth of these fat deposits is especially stimulated by a female-typical hormone balance, is because of a history of sexual selection. our closest primate relatives are all flat chested, regardless of sex.

yet somehow there are places and cultures in the world where men and women mix, and nobody has to wear a shirt (or indeed any clothing at all), and Savage Man is able to restrain his unbridled lust. we’re pretty smart, for monkeys. call me an optimist, but i think a better way is possible.

gods this is adorable

hey remember that one time we eradicated smallpox?

I don't think I really grok what people are talking about when they talk about how it's much harder to get a date as a straight man than as a straight woman

if there are about as many men as women in the het dating market and they want relationships at similar rates (true as far as I've been able to tell), if it's supposedly easy for women to get dates, there must be an equal number of men they're going on dates with, right? or if it's so hard for men to get dates, there must be women who aren't going on dates, either

the most obvious explanation is the much-hackneyed "all the women only want to date chad", but afaict, this is not much of a thing in real life

is it just that men tend to do most of the asking-out, and so they also tend to experience most of the rejection? what is the deal

a very, VERY large part is the "it is just that men tend to do most of the asking-out, and so they also tend to experience most of the rejection" deal. it's supply and demand. men receive less affection and are only Socially Allowed to receive it from their gf/wife, and also male horniness feels like having a flame from the fire of hell itself burning one up from the inside, whereas female horniness feels like a light pressure. so a larger proportion of men than women are even seeking at all. then there's all the rest of the gender dynamics in dating: [more at https://sophia-epistemia.tumblr.com/tagged/gender%20dynamics and https://sophia-epistemia.tumblr.com/tagged/dating because ain't no way i'm retyping the numerous points i've made in there before]

i wonder if the names trans people pick tend to track the naming trends of their age cohort, the naming trends of people being born around that time, or if they follow a completely different trend. and how that compared to cis people changing their first names.

currently trendy names, which tracks the naming trends of people being born around that time. consider the emmas and sophias in ur 25-35 age bracket

i am sophia epistemia because it's an ingroup term that describes me well.

I'm sooo hot and insecure and mentally unstable... you want to manipulate me into putting out in the exact way you want sooo bad...

yes, i tried, hasn't worked so far

dashboard simulator

mutual 1: [one million posts about a fandom im not in. in the span of five minutes]

mutual 2: M. Caelius too must not pass unnoticed, notwithstanding the unhappy change, either of his fortune or disposition, which marked the latter part of his life. As long as he was directed by my influence, he behaved himself so well as a tribune of the people, that no man supported the interests of the senate, and of all the good and virtuous, in opposition to the

mutual 3: patricide would fix me

mutual 4: [5000 word theoretically informed breakdown of a book i have not read]

mutual 5: #omg this reminds me of the roman legal system

mutual 6: cannibalism is so mainstream now we need to start posting about necrophilia

mutual 7: so a detailed prosopographical analysis of this roman family reveals that actually they all died due to being haunted by an ancestral curse

mutuals 8-10: this tv show is actually just sophocles’ oedipus. to me

mutual 11: [this post contains filtered tags] [this post contains filtered tags] [this post contains filtered tags] [this post contains filtered tags] [this post contains filtered tags]

mutual 12: here’s why these two words actually have NO etymological connection!!!

mutual 13: i’m just like this 18th century lawyer but a girl

mutual 14: cicero big naturals

mutual 15: scurvy is inherently both transgender and sexy…… put the rot in eroticism or whatever

mutual 16: she moby on my dick until i doomed by the narrative

Bugs Bunny could have simply walked into Mordor. He would have shown up at the gates of Mordor in a disguise and been like "Evil volcano inspection unit" and flashed a fake ID badge to the confused orc.

Love the implication here that the one ring would have little to no effect on Bugs

To be fair, it’s canonically established in Lord of the Rings that Tom Bombadil, an inexplicable magical trickster, is unaffected by the ring, and the only reason they don’t give the job to him is because Tom Bombadil is a silly little man who’s easily distracted and just wants to spend time with his hot wife.

Bugs Bunny, on the other hand, loves nothing more than fucking over self-important dickheads, and is also an inexplicable magical trickster, so he would in fact be perfect for this mission.

The One Ring may not tempt Bugs, but he’d have other problems with the mission: he’d get lost halfway there (”I knew I should’ve made a left turn at Albuquerque”) and get distracted enough to hand the One RIng to Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam as a prank, only for it to be stolen by Daffy Duck, leading to an ever-increasing number of characters on an increasingly-destructive chase across Middle Earth as everyone keeps stealing it from each other, (Bugs would definitely pull the “evil volcano inspector” gag to get into Mordor, and he’d then immediately turn around and pose as a customs agent stopping whoever currently has the ring at the border and relieving them of it as “contraband”) culminating in an all-out brawl at Mount Doom.  Bugs manages to reclaim the ring one last time as everyone else is busy fighting each other, only for Daffy to come out of nowhere and grab it out of his hands.  Laughing maniacally, Daffy doesn’t realize that his victory dance has taken him right off the edge off a cliff - until Bugs points it out, at which point gravity reasserts itself, and Daffy and the ring both plunge to the fiery depths below