Posting this iconic piece of media that I just NEVER found online isolated except in an archived reddit thread
Posting this iconic piece of media that I just NEVER found online isolated except in an archived reddit thread
Last week I accidentally took an edible at 10x my usual dose. I say “accidentally” but it was really more of a “my friend held it out to my face and I impulsively swallowed it like a python”, which was technically on purpose but still an accident in that my squamate instincts acted faster than my ability to assess the situation and ask myself if I really wanted to get Atreides high or not.
Anyway. I was painting the wall when it hit. My friend heard me make a noise and asked what was wrong—I explained that I had just fallen through several portals. I realized that painting the wall fulfilled my entire hierarchy of needs, and was absolutely sure that I was on track to escaping the cycle of samsara if I just kept at it a little longer. I was thwarted on my journey towards nirvana only by the fact that I ran out of paint.
Seeking a surrogate act of humble service through which I might be redeemed and made human, I turned to unwashed dishes in the sink and took up the holy weapon of the sponge. I was partway through cleaning the blender when it REALLY hit.
You ever clean a blender? It’s a shockingly intimate act. They are complex tools. One of the most complicated denizens of the kitchen. Glass and steel and rubber and plastic. Fuck! They’ve got gaskets. You can’t just scrub ‘em and rinse them down like any other piece of shit dish. You’ve got to dissemble them piece by piece, groove by sensitive groove, taking care to lavish the spinning blades with cautious attention. There’s something sensual about it. Something strangely vulnerable.
As I stood there, turning the pieces over in my hands, I thought about all the things we ask of blenders. They don’t have an easy job. They are hard laborers taking on a thankless task. I have used them so roughly in my haste for high-density smoothies, pushing them to their limits and occasionally breaking them. I remembered the smell of acrid smoke and decaying rubber that filled the kitchen in the break room the last time I tried to make a smoothie at work—the motor overtaxed and melted, the gasket cracked and brittle. Strawberry slurry leaked out of it like the blood of a slain animal.
Was this blender built to last? Or was it doomed to an early grave in some distant landfill by the genetic disorder of planned obsolescence? I didn’t know, and was far too high to make an educated guess. But I knew that whatever care and tenderness and empathy I put into it, the more respect for the partnership of man and machine, the better it would perform for me.
This thought filled me with a surge of affection. However long its lifespan, I wanted it to be filled with dignity and love and understanding. I thought: I bet no one has hugged this blender before. And so I lifted it from its base.
A blender is roughly the size and shape of a human baby. Cradling one in your arms satisfies a primal need. A month ago I was permitted to hold an infant for the first time in my life, an experience which was physically and psychologically healing. I felt an echo of that satisfaction holding my friend the blender, and the thought of parting with it felt even more ridiculous than bringing it with me to hang out on my friend’s bed.
via reddit.com
Jesus ffucking christ bro.
Seems like he had an oral fixation… Almost as if he were replacing the cigarette with… No i shant say…
Allow me to elucidate, @a-sour-nectarine
When most people "roll their eyes", they flick their eyes directly upward, usually as far as they comfortably go, then resume looking normally.
When someone who learned the phrase before the behavior does it, they usually go in a circular (ish) motion. Since most eye movements are lines, it's usually pretty triangular: the key points are usually a diagonal up one way, then to the far other side, then to a diagonal low the first way. Thus, the eyes basically make a loop, so they "rolled".
I've found that when people who learned the up-down way first try the circular motion, they might risk motion sickness, so experiment carefully.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN MOST PEOPLE JUST LOOK UP
Klingon Therapist advice
I don't know who needs to see this today, but here you go. It is "honorable combat". May Kahless see honor in your battle. Qapla'!
My new Spider-Sona
This post and its notes are the most blessed things in the world
holy fucking shit
harlequinnade-deactivated201903
Everything you’d need to know about Hellboy’s character in two panels.
Reading this like a manga gives a different image
Memes shared by kids who grew up on starships I think they should have sea scout/land scout beef with kids that grew up on Starbases
What is it with sexy men and their complicated relationship with death
Has he considered he's feeling weak at the knees because he's been having sex for 7 days straight. Drink some water, you're dehydrated
GAY PEOPLE? FOR FREE?
These bitches fought for five minutes, realized they were almost matching in strength, and decided to become lovers instead. In the time it took me to reheat a croissant I just witnessed a love story
They're holding hands!!!
Today, give me your aid and you shall have mine: what then can go amiss with us two?
NO. DON'T SAY THAT. YOU FOOL.
YOU'RE LEADING YOUR BOYFRIEND TO HIS DEATH. I SEE THE CHAPTER TITLES.
Remember kids, when someone's insulting your boyfriend, tear out the leg of the creature she sent to kill you and throw it at her face
Enkidu: I curse you woman for bringing me into this cursed world. Because of you I am dying
Shamash: be so fr rn fucking moron
Enkidu:
Enkidu: I bless you woman
God... This entire epic so far he's been convinced of his infallibility. Even when facing Enkidu, he won, beating this man who boasted that he had no greater enemy. Facing Humbaba, he won. Facing the bull of the heavens, he won. He's so assured of his invincibility because he's never had to grapple with otherwise. It isn't until Enkidu's death that he's had a taste of defeat, a sickness that's taken his friend in the dark, not in glory but in sleep. He touched his heart but it did not beat, nor did he lift his eyes again. Gilgamesh was made two parts god and one part mortal, but never has he had a taste of that mortality, so assured in his divinity. And then he did. And now he's terrified
Fellas is gay to finally feel mortal at the death of a friend
Is it gay to feel vulnerable at the face of an enemy you cannot defeat. Who stole your love from you between a breath and the next?
You took his hand and you led him to his grave
Do you blame yourself, Gilgamesh?
“Perhaps you have forgotten. That’s one of the great problems of our modern world, you know. Forgetting. The victim never forgets. Ask an Irishman what the English did to him in 1920 and he’ll tell you the day of the month and the time and the name of every man they killed. Ask an Iranian what the English did to him in 1953 and he’ll tell you. His child will tell you. His grandchild will tell you. And when he has one, his great-grandchild will tell you too. But ask an Englishman—” He flung up his hands in mock ignorance. “If he ever knew, he has forgotten. ‘Move on!’ you tell us. ‘Move on! Forget what we’ve done to you. Tomorrow’s another day!’ But it isn’t, Mr. Brue.” He still had Brue’s hand. “Tomorrow was created yesterday, you see. That is the point I was making to you. And by the day before yesterday, too. To ignore history is to ignore the wolf at the door.”
- A Most Wanted Man, John le Carré
John le Carré has not, at any point, been fucking around.
“how could you have forgotten that” i forget Everything. unless i remember
"how can you remember that" I remember Everything. unless I forget
call me a first level warlock the way i can do one thing before i need to lie down for eight hours
