dear teacher sory i did not do your assignment.unfortu nately i have Died FOREVER!!!!!!! ok i will see u tmrw

“ There is no written standard for Household Pets, although the CFA Show Rules state that they may NOT be declawed, and if they are over eight(8) months of age they must be neutered or spayed. They are judged instead for their uniqueness, pleasing appearance, unusual markings, and sweet dispositions. Each household pet reflecting good health and vitality receives a Merit award (red/white), and at the end of the judging, the best Household Pets are introduced in a final.” im also losing it over this picture of a teenager with their incredibly cute cat wearing braces and a thrasher sweater on the CFA website:

dosing myself up with a fuckton of muscle relaxants before a first date and just limply and pathetically flopping around on the floor until they feel an instinctual pity and care for me like a sickly baby bird

I really would like this to work out for you

LMAO this is so funny ♡♡

the fact that none of the night at the museum movies were rated over 50% by critics is a reminder that some ppl don’t know how to have fun. the first two movies were flawless. a night watch guard has to babysit museum displays that come to life, complete w old school villains and endless historical crossovers? incredible concept, incredible execution

not to mention those little gay bitches !!!

spy kids has a 93% i don't think Critics Hate Fun is quite what's going on here

Naughty Space Void.

Smug with victory, he has no remorse. He'd do it again.

Old gay love is everything to me

what about old gay hate

TIL a married father in France went to the hospital complaining of a 2 week history of mild leg weakness, only to find out he lived his whole life with 90% of his brain missing

via reddit.com

typical of frenchmen I fear

yes pls

Babe wake up, new Blood just dropped

HUGE day for vampires

Ito Junji’s Cat Diary (2009)

I love that one of the most terrifying horror writers also makes comics about his cats.

“i also choose this guy’s dead wife” was easily the #1 funniest thing to ever be written on the internet.

you can know the punchline but you can’t stop it from punching you.

i do also feel the need to add that phil8248 really liked the joke. he said his wife had always had a dark sense of humour, even about her illness and death, and seeing the joke made him feel like he was laughing with her one last time.

What did the author mean by the curtains being blue? Hi, literary expert here to help! Navy blue means anal sex but light blue means oral sex. Curtains on the left side of the window mean top but curtains on the right side mean bottom.

trans bears are literally stronger than any US marine

How on earth would they be able to tell that a bear is trans. I’m not saying they can’t be but how would they communicate that.

:/

this is so fucking funny

update:

we the jury find the defendant not guilty your honor

hot adhd tip: if you are being productive and shit and you want to continue being productive DO NOT SIT DOWN. "oh im gonna take a five minute break and get back to it-" no you wont king. you will automatically lose all motivation the second you sit down.

Truth in satire.

for those interested in cowboy hat pet pics