what if I told you that I never wanted be a pilot and that I hated the flight lessons that I took in high school and that I really wanted to take up my high school art teacher's offer to mentor me into the arts but I never did because when I came home all excited and told my mom she said, "but you're going to be a pilot, right?" and I didn't say anything because mom knows best. and then when I got to flight school and I hated it and hated my peers who treated me like shit, everybody told me to stick with it. and I never argued with them because that's what we're supposed to do right? work hard and suffer through it all to prove them wrong. but now I've graduated with a degree I never actually planned to pursue. and now I'm working a job I hate and every time I try to talk to someone about it they get mad at me. and guess what they tell me? to stick with it. that it'll get better. that I'm gaining valuable experience. and now I feel like shit and I don't know what to do. I wish I could start over. I would do anything to start over. I guess this is what happens when you become a liar in order to please everyone and let others make every decision for you. and the saddest part is, that if I were given the chance to start over, I'd probably do this all again. because I have no idea what I'm actually interested in. having others make decisions for me is all I know.