currently obsessed with a twitter account that has a bot set up to record their cat leaving and returning to their house

the best part is that the replies are a wave of sadness and depression whenever the cat leaves and then rejoicing when it comes back like the cat is some kind of messiah

frankly im on board with out new lord and savior Pepito. let the people rejoice in his presence as he is the messiah

The most obnoxious phase of the pandemic was the one where organizations started declaring random other shit “the real pandemic”

that really was the real pandemic

why is twilight sparkle there

do NOT step at me on the fourth of footwerk

jokes that will literally never not be funny to me:

hm oh looks like thers a little alittle thing on the grounf here i think i will... i will sniff sniff it....

hm i think i'll take a little nibble nibble

hrmm *crinkling noises*

Hey. HEY!

THE FUCK IS IN YOUR MOUTH

Man sees crab for the first time.

does he…

Live in the

Some fucking

mollusk

pulls up

Unby spin

17-year-olds working in fast food with their 33-year-old bestie:

o/ <- person waving

o7 <- person saluting

ol <- person raising hand

o1 <- person scratching head

\o> <- person stretching

\o/ <- woohoo!

<o> <- EXTREME STRESS, LIKE "OH FUCK OH SHIT" STRESS

I interpret <o> as this

<o> ∆ <- Levitating Pizza

the best trope in media is: “characters turn on the lights, see the monster, and immediately turn the lights back off”

here are some things that facebook thinks i’m interested in

me when one of my girlmutuals posts about how they got a little coffee beverage or took a nice walk or started a book they've been meaning to read for a while or otherwise found meaning and joy in simple pleasures

When You Place 1st in Mario Kart 64

so on june 22nd, 2020, my friends and i were joking about winston stealing money and I made a joke about "overwatch coins"

and now.................. apparently overwatch coins are a thing in overwatch 2??????

I said that because "overwatch coins" is dumb as hell. what the fuck is happening. why did i manifest this

Can you manifest me a 12 foot tall furry dragoness GF who loves short kings next? It’s also important that she thinks gaming peaked in 2007, and loves the great outdoors as much as U do. Ideally her size renders her unable to fit inside the cabin of my pickup truck, and she may or may not exceed the payload capacity of the bed at 1500 pounds, I don’t mind.

u ok?

They could be if you’d manifest that dragoness

Customer: I RAISE JULIANNA PIGS THEY ARE THE SMALL LITTLE PIGS. I HAVE FIVE OF THEM. THEY ARE THE GREATEST PETS. I LOVE MY PIGS DMV: PIG Verdict: DENIED