“Does Armored core play like Souls?”

so fucked up that i have to take care of my body everyday. what if sometimes i feel sad about the maintenance

is this both a pun and also fucking loss

girls who say hiii vs girls whose blade can cleave both horse and rider in one mortal strike

taking a class on sex this semester which has resulted in many fun things like "sex activity" and "sex final" being added to my planner. being very mature and serious about this .

obsessed

I had a class called "What is Evil?" The professor called us his "evil students" and I got to say things like: "I have evil class later." and "I have readings in evil to do." and "Well my evil professor said..."

I miss having that class

[ID: tumblr reply on this post reading "my partner did a sociology degree and one of the modules was on organised crime. very funny to see stuff like "anyone doing organised crime this afternoon" in a uni groupchat"]

nothing will ever be funnier to me than the 30-50 feral hogs joke phase, I think about it at least once a week

Happy 30-50 feral hogs day

hmmm

ORONGE

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

Good Job.

#this post gets me every time 

It’s from two days ago fam how many times could there have been

do you think no one else has time travel

Happy one month anniversary to this post that has not allowed me a single day of fucking peace since I made it.

#surprise reblog!! 

STOP IT’S BEEN MONTHS. MONTHS!

YOU CAN STOP.

wow if only you had a time machine

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop OP from making this post.

So would I

none pizza with left beef

It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef

ive missed you

#THIS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING JUST THE BEEF#YOU COULD TELL THE POOR CHEF WAS JUST FUCKING#DISGUSTED#WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS#WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS#WHO THE FUCK ORDERS A#A /NONE/ PIZZA?? JUST BEEF ON THE LEFT???#FUCK IT#F U CK IT#JUST COOK THE FUCKING DOUGH#HERE LET ME THROW THIS FUCKING HANDFUL OF OBLONG BEEF CHUNKS AT YOUR NONE FUCKING PIZZA#FUCK YOU#FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR#LEFT FUCKING BEEF (via askscientistcarlos)

I love None Pizza with Left Beef.

3th time i’ve reblogged this

3th

tumblr people love this. reddit people love this. 4chan scum loves this. there is just something intrinsically hilarious about none pizza with left beef. bless 

I hope this never dies. I hope None Pizza with Left Beef will go down in Internet history alongside such legends as the Rickroll and He-Man’s rendition of “What’s Going On”.

i just laughed for a minute straight 

why

Always reblog none pizza with left beef

I shouted out loud “none pizza with left beef” because I was so overjoyed to see it again so unexpectedly

THE ANCIENT ONE BLESSES US WITH IT’S PRESENCE

always reblog

Why they got none pizza beef to the left

Is anyone else ever genuinely shocked when you find out you have an impact on someone’s life? A coworker can be like “I’ve missed seeing you” and I’m just like “???? you?? missed me????? My presence has an effect on your daily experience???? I affect things??? W h a t ? ? ?”

my only 'gaming opinion' is that duke nukem gordon freeman doomguy and master chief all live in a big house together with matching pyjamas and nightcaps and they all tell each other goodnight 1 at a time before going to sleep in a big bed

like this. bffs

She’s there to read them their bed time story

if theyre all but duke silent protagonists...then

why are christian bale and patrick bateman the exact same person

like. ok

who was going to tell me that christian bale is the actor that played the fictional character patrick bateman. and who was going to tell me that patrick bateman is not an actor that looks like christian bale. who was going to tell me this.

STOP REBLOGGING THIS IM DELETIMG MY BLOG

Ok but like who's the real one though

YOUNG MAN

there's no need to look down, i said

YOUNG MAN

really, please don't look down, i said

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re at a low point:

If you were a fictional man right now, there would be *at least* ten people if not a large portion of the fanbase that would call you their wet beast poor little meow meow

dont get me wrong this is #mood but just try eating a piece of bread with salt. please, seriously. ok? at least a tiny bit. salt helps with nausea, bread calms the stomach acid. if you really can’t face eating anything, just lick some salt like a damn elk, then wait and see if you can manage the bread. make some broth if you’re into that kind of thing. no spices, yes salt. if you’re feeling too weak and shaky to do much, just have a cup of tea with sugar (energy) and lemon (again, good against nausea). nibble on the lemon first, it will feel good, but don’t overdo - citric acid on an empty stomach is a majorly bad idea. take care of yourself, you’re the only you we’ve got

“just lick some salt like a damn elk” is the new “touch grass”

nobody ever praises me or pats me on the head or feeds me small treats despite my consistent excellence in the field of not purposefully ripping cabinet doors off their hinges to fulfill some sort of maladaptive destructive urge

Can someone please explain to me what evaporated milk is? Wouldn’t that just be gas by definition? I live in constant fear

no no it’s what left behind after the milk has been evaporated cuz only the water goes, not the other stuff

THERE’S WATER IN MILK?

WHAT DID YOU THINK THE LIQUID WAS?

IDK ISNT MILK ITS OWN LIQUID?

NO

IT’S MILK-STUFF MIXED WITH WATER

MILK STUFF? DOESNT IT JUST COME FROM THE COW’S TIT?

ITS LIKE TIT JUICE, THERE IS WATER IN JUICE AND THERE IS WATER IN MILK

It’s fat droplets suspended in water, with some nutrients and soforth dissolved in it. You know, like ranch dressing.

Evaporated milk is just dehydrated milk.

Obsessed with the user who assumed milk was its own element on the periodic table

As op I felt like I had to make this

Milk, the forbidden 119th element

the only question left is if it’s a metal, non-metal, or metalloid.

OP seems to have classified it as a special case of halfnium, reclassified as a lanthanide. This has fascinating implications for electron orbital geometry.

Anyway it’s a rare earth metal apparently.

Yes I definitely classified it intentionally and knew exactly what I was doing when I put it with the lanthanides because I am never wrong

MILK IS A RARE EARTH METAL

I thought so, I took one look at your classification and immediately thought “this is definitely someone with a deep understanding of how the periodic table works”

I’m glad that we have reached a consensus on the expected elemental properties of milk

I’d really like to know what @derinthescarletpescatarian’s thoughts are on milk’s electron orbital geometry

That would involve writing a crash course in how suborbitals work on a post about whether water (the primary ingredient in milk) is in milk and even for tumblr that’s going a bit far

no, it is absolutely not going too far

You guys always complain that you don’t get to learn stuff in normal ways and then you come asking for this

MILK IS SEVERAL COMPOUNDS PLEASE YALL ARE KILLING ME OVER HERE

We have a container of dry milk because in addition to a little fat and sugars, it contains proteins, which settle into the pores of nitrocellulose membranes, making sure analytical proteins (specific antibodies) don’t get trapped. We could just use casein (one of the proteins in milk), but milk is much cheaper and can also be found at Walmart.

No milk is a lanthanide keep up

lanthanide?

I think you mean lactanide

I will put lego in all of your shoes

A cube of milk with 3 inches of edge length can blow up the galaxy.

Our galaxy is actually the result of such an explosion, that’s why we call it the Milky Way

this is a unique sort of thread in which you’ll find two types of people exclusively: nerds and dumbasses

Enter OCEAN EYES and NOT DEAD YET, two of the king’s most quarrelsome stablehands.

OCEAN May one explain what powdered milk doth be? Is it not gas? I live in constant fear.

NOT DEAD The water flees to air, the rest is left. The dry debris then forms the powdered milk.

OCEAN Thou sayest water doth reside in milk?

NOT DEAD Pray tell what thou believ’st the liquid is?

OCEAN Is milk not one pure substance in itself?

NOT DEAD No; ‘tis only milk-stuff mixed with water.

OCEAN Yet milk appears from living cows’ own tits!

NOT DEAD ‘Tis juice from tits, yet water still it holds. If water be in juice, then ‘tis in milk.

Enter DERIN, the scarlet pescatarian.

DERIN ‘Tis drops of fat afloat in water, As if ‘twas dressing for thy greens. With water gone, the powdered milk remains.

A NOTE attached to an arrow, written by BURNING BRAND, flies through the window.

BURNING BRAND’S NOTE Obsessed with he who foolishly believ’d That milk is element of chemistry.

The NOTE crumbles to ash. BURNING BRAND is not seen again.

OCEAN As he who instigated such a fight, I felt that this creation was my duty.

OCEAN unrolls a scroll of parchment with a flourish.

OCEAN Behold, ‘tis milk, one hundred and nineteen.

Enter JASON FUNDER BERKER, a frog.

JASON FUNDER BERKER And yet the burning question still remains: ‘Tis metal, not, or somewhere in between?

JASON FUNDER BERKER does not wait to hear the answer, and exits.

DERIN A lanthinide! A special case, I see. How fascinating, geometrically.  But let us leave atomic musings be. For milk is a rare metal of our Earth.

OCEAN Of course it is, for I am always right. My choices are, of course, deliberate.

DERIN I do not doubt thou speakest truth, my lord Thy brilliant mind is utterly unmatch’d. It seems that an agreement has been reach’d.

OCEAN Of course; however, in sincerity I wish to know thy scholar-driven thoughts.

DERIN I fear ‘twould be beyond thy comprehension. To teach to thee would take this much too far.

Exit OCEAN, in a huff. Enter JESIN, BOOP BOOP, FLIPOCRITE, VELVET, and LOVELY DREAMS, curious onlookers attracted to the scene.

JESIN Do teach us, it would not take this too far!

DERIN Ye all complain of learning strangely, Then ask me baiting questions such as this!

BOOP BOOP Thy gross ineptitude shall be my death! Milk is formed of small component parts. The fat, the sugars, proteins all combine They seep through pores of membranes in this drink Unpleasant compounds all are filter’d out. All this obtained for small amounts of coin.

DERIN No, milk is lanthanide, pray keep the pace.

FLIPOCRITE The word thou mean’st is lactanide, I think.

DERIN May sharpened pain-shaped stones fill up thy shoes So that thou never know’st a moment’s peace.

VELVET A cube of milk, three inches on each side Could blow up the entire galaxy.

DERIN Our galaxy was formed in such a fashion. ‘Tis why we gave it name of “Milky Way.”

LOVELY DREAMS Thus ends our entertainment for the night Here fools and pompous scholars come to fight.

Exuent, pursued by a cow.

(Shakespearean adaptation format inspired by @mortimermcmirestinks​ in this post)

Youpeople have no right to be this funny on my dash so early in the morning

This is one of those threads that would go perfectly as a video set to “in the hall of the mountain king” and we all know it, I’m just not gonna be the one to make it

I TRIED TO CONVERT A NON-FUNCTIONING VIDEO IN VEGAS AND IT FUCKED UP