Matt’s Guide To Unhealthy Relationships

1. They blame you for things that aren’t your fault/take their anger out on you, be it with cold silence or passive-aggressiveness or yelling or physically hurting you or something else (like throwing plates or punching walls) or threatening to hurt you or others or pets. (I had somebody say they had to imagine beating their cat to death once to cope with anger… yeah, even if they meant it as a joke… not normal!! stay far away from me!! thanks!!)
2. ^ They can’t control their emotions and you always seem to cop the brunt of them even though you had nothing to do with why they were angry and/or if you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and “pissed them off” by saying something innocent.
3. They got super defensive if you try to talk through a problem with them and try to turn the blame back on you
4. They act really upset and throw a pity-party for themself to make you feel guilty
5. They give over-the-top apologies that feel too deep and dramatic to be real
6. They apologize like “I”m sorry you took what I did that way” instead of “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
7. They might say “well you’ll know never to do that again!” when you ‘set them off’ 
8. They seem to almost set traps for you to fall into so they can get ‘righteously’ mad at you
9. They act like doing things for you is a huge deal and that you now owe them a favour for it
10. They tell you they love you so much and give you compliments but when it comes down to actions rather than words, they never support you
11. They back off a few days after an argument and seem to be treating you better but then fall right back into bad habits
12. They talk badly about your friends or family and try to isolate you
13. They call you names or “tease” you a bit too much or touch on the insecurities they know you have and it feels a bit too harsh to be meant in a friendly way
14. They say you’re being too sensitive (doesn’t matter if you are in their eyes, healthy relationships are about respecting and caring about each other and your boundaries, NO true friend will keep doing something that they knows upsets you, even if they don’t understand why it does)
15. They say they’re trying to get better… but nothing ever changes
16. They go on huge hour-long rants when they’re sad and you comfort them but the second you say you’re having a bad day they just say “that sucks” and move on, mostly back to talking about themself
17. They make excuses for everything. [Note: A LOT OF EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE/MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE WILL BLAME IT ALL ON MENTAL ILLNESS. DO NOT TAKE THAT SHIT AS A REASON TO LET THEM OFF THE HOOK. Mental illnesses are hard to deal with, but if the person never goes to therapy or doesn’t even seem to try to fix it, BIG reg flag. There are always ways to work on mental health. And even if they ARE just that mentally ill, you still have to look out for yourself. DO NOT let people abuse you out of pity or guilt! You are NOT responsible for them, leave if you have to and do NOT look back!]
18. They talk badly about others behind their backs to you. Harmless venting is fine, but if they seem unreasonable or cruel, and they seem to try to drag you into it, most likely they do the same about you and don’t care as much as you think they do. If you try to defend the person, they try to rationalize it and might snap at you or raise their voice more until you relent.
19. They seem to lose their temper without warning. One moment you’re fine, the next they’re raging out on you and you don’t even know what’s going on.
20. They’ve lost friends or lovers before and seem isolated… there’s normally a reason for that
21. Things based around you never seem to last long; the conversation always ends back with them somehow
22. You feel constantly anxious or like you have to walk on eggshells when you’re talking to them
23. They make you feel like you have to comfort them after fights, even if you were the one who was hurt during it
24. You always end up the one who feels the need to apologize
25. Every so often you will have a few days of AMAZING fun where everything is equal and wonderful, but then it will deteriorate again. It’s like a fucking drug, the high that keeps you around.
26. They’re very overcritical of you and will look the gift horse in the mouth every time
27. You seem to disappoint them at every turn and you find yourself apologizing for anything and everything just to try and stave off the yelling/displeasure
28. They find something you like and dangle it over your head, like a carrot to keep a donkey plodding along. They always promise to give it to you but you never seem to get it or more than a few bites of said carrot before they take it away to keep you plodding

“I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.”

“Don’t keep allowing the same things to upset you. Life’s too short to live that way. Every day is a gift.”

“I’d leave the memory of you at the station, if it didn’t already know the way home.”

“Nobody likes being alone that much. I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.”

“— for love like mine can never be gotten over.”

“It is easy to love people in memory; the hard thing is to love them when they are there in front of you.”

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

“it’s sad when people don’t leave a toxic relationship because they’re afraid of getting hurt but, don’t realize that staying hurts worse.”

“i’m like a python, choking on its own tail while you run your hands through my hair, saying it’ll be okay, i’m left alone pretending i think this is true, like lying is the new i love you; i don’t want to let go, i don’t want to lose this; endings always kill me; and i can’t let go of this dream of you loving me; i can’t lose this heartbreak; but maybe if this ends, i’ll be able to breathe again.”

“you don’t have to explain why you left to the person who made you leave”

“I tried for a long time…but you can only hold on for so long. And we both knew this was coming. We knew that things like this don’t last. So please find it in yourself to leave the past in the past- so that the next time I see you, we can talk about how happy we have finally become.”

“Loving someone, who is toxic to your mind, body and soul, is the worse self infliction ever.”