idk about you but i’m a sucker for the we just had sex and it’s the morning after and i woke up to an empty bed and how could i be so stupid of course you left me alone but wait you’re in my kitchen cooking me breakfast and i’m so relieved trope
Please respect my pouch no laughing
DISRESPECTFUL OBLITERATING YOU
Is there a reason carrots are so juicy and crunchy and perfect
if castiel were a vegetable 🥕
Okay
We need sarcastic punctuation.
wE nEed saRcastiC PuNCtUATion.
would die for a fresh hot corn on the cob rn
i forgot where i was. cock on the cob i guess
corn on the cock. i hate it here
im gonna fucking corn on the kill myself
these guys look like theyre fighting over how to make a soup
"hey can i put this in"
"NO ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME IT'LL RUIN IT"
Everyone is fighting battles you never know about. For instance, I am molting
there are very few ancient artifacts that make me more emotional than roman tombstones that thank the reader for stopping by and wish them well. there's simply something so sweet and gentle to me about imagining a traveler stopping along the road to read someone's final dedication and being sent away with the blessings of a thankful ghost
marcus caecilius: good luck and good health to you. sleep without a care.
me:
stereotypes about people “really interested in WWI” are wildly different than stereotypes about people “really interested in WWII”
What to do when cornered by a WWII buff: Brace yourself and take stock of your surroundings. Your first course of action should be to assess the sort of person you are speaking to. Notice any tattoos or personal decorations they might be displaying—hopefully you are already familiar with common Neo-Nazi symbols. If you see swastikas, the numbers 88, 14, or 18, or the letters SS shapes like lightning bolts, then run and/or fire at will. Be very wary of skulls, eagles, German words, and runes; they may be innocent tattoos, but they may also be red flags. Proceed with caution and listen to how they talk about Hitler. If you can determine that the buff is not an overtly far-right Nazi sympathizer, they may have a weird obsession with the idea of a Just and Noble War and have some fucked up ideas about what is good for humanity and/or the natural order. Make a quick escape if they start referring to Japanese people with a single syllable or talk about how Americans were “better” back then. If none of these, you can probably relax—you may be talking to someone whose family fled the Holocaust or were forced into Japanese internment camps and took an interest in the period out of necessity and frustration and the immediate relevance to their lives. Look for bags under their eyes or corny science joke T-shirts; you might be talking to a physicist interested in nuclear history. Maybe they’re fascinated by modern world politics or planes or weaponry.
What to do when cornered by a WWI buff:
Point over their shoulder and say, “Hey, look! A collection of depressing poetry by dead gay soldiers!” and run while they’re distracted. If this doesn’t work, brace yourself for a long, dreary explanation of the mechanics of trench warfare or early planes.
Girls will say "I just need to lie down for a little while" and then sink into a muddy river and get all their hard.tissues replaced with mineral deposits
Got halfway through a snarky response about nativity scenes pretty universally having Joseph also in that barn before remembering that Jesus’ dad is, fairly famously, a guy who is not Joseph
one time i went through the taco bell drive thru and when i tried to order a baja blast i said “mountain boo bah” and then i just left. couldn’t recover
the best steven universe character was blue zircon, who in about six minutes of screentime has an anxiety attack, packbonds with the alien she’s assigned to defend, and accuses a dictator of intra-familial premeditated murder
im so bored forever can i pleaaaseeeee have divine visions nowww























