My best friend found out she was 6 weeks pregnant. Her life is somewhat turbulent at best, so when I asked what she wanted and that I would be happy to take her to the clinic and be with her through anything she felt she needed to do, I was surprised that she decided to keep the pregnancy. I was happy for her! She got to choose on her own and she was beginning to look forward to meeting a child she never thought she could conceive at all. She suffers from PCOS and only has one developed ovary, and is not very fertile to begin with. She was told early on she was infertile / would be unable to ever conceive. This surprise pregnancy was such a rare thing to even happen to her that she decided it meant something real and she was ready for it.
Her cramps and bloat got worse. We figured it was normal for a body to react uncomfortably to a brand new event, especially one as full-bodied as a pregnancy. Another couple weeks go by and she’s in a lot of pain. She tells me not to worry, but there’s some “spotting” in her underwear, nothing major. She said she was choosing names for the baby.
Then she passes out while on the phone with me trying to keep from having a panic attack. There’s a lot of blood.
18 HOURS in the emergency room in excruciating pain. This woman has barely flinched from some of the most painful injuries I’d ever seen up until now- and she’s in tears. The goddamn nurses and doctors don’t take her seriously and tell her it’s normal to have nausea and cramping. Maybe you’re not pregnant at all and you’re just on your period? Bloodwork confirms that yes, she definitely is. The bleeding happens again and finally painkillers are administered and a trans-vaginal scope is ordered after her bleeding is under control.
The pregnancy is ectopic.
The egg imbedding into the fallopian tube, and the embryo ruptured it along with the attached ovary.
The emergency laparoscopic surgery is ordered and she’s taken away. I don’t see her for several hours, but she’s finally getting actual help. When she’s back in recovery room waking up, bruises all across her abdomen and groin, stitches hold shut the new holes in her belly and for the surgeon’s equipment and camera. She tells me she has three incisions instead of the usual two, because a third was needed for siphoning out the pooled blood in her body cavity. Despite the ordeal, she looks more alive now than she did 24 hours ago.
My friend had half her uterus removed, the remaining portion cauterized. The destroyed fallopian tube and ovary are gone. The fetus, the would-be infant, the baby of a mother ready to love and name, was of course no more. They were about the size of a chicken’s egg by the time of the rupture and removal.
Of course my friend is sad, and disappointed, in how things played out. It was an unplanned pregnancy until it wasn’t.
When we finally got her back home to rest and recover, the first thing she could think of saying about it all was “Could you imagine if we were in the states? I could be arrested, and then be on the streets from the medical bills.”
Don’t make the mistake of being on the “side” of pro-choice “only if the pregnancy is life-threatening the mother’s life.”
ALL PREGNANCIES ARE LIFE-THREATENING. Nobody knows if it will be them or someone they love. You can be healthy or less so prior to a pregnancy and there’s no way to know how it will go.
Pro-choice means all choices entirely, absolutely no conditional standards about it. The freedom to choose a pregnancy is as pro-choice as the choice to terminate - because sometimes the choice is made by factors outside of yourself. It’s nature, or the universe, or whatever, that does it for you. And the fact that these incidents can be punishable by law in so many places in the world, in so-called “free” nations, should be beyond horrifying. This is all very close to how disgusting women and alternative persons are treated by the healthcare system as well. These are interlinked and connected issues that reflect each other acutely.
Abortions and prenatal care are a human right. ALL Healthcare is a human right. We each and everyone one of us deserve better.