Hello Helaine! I hope you don’t mind me asking this but how did you know your fiancé is the one? You have been through so much and it makes my heart so happy that you have found your partner for life. I feel like you have always been someone who has also desired an authentic and genuine relationship and strived to never settle for anything less. And I was wondering if there were signs you saw or if you just sensed this was right for you when you first met him.

Hi! I am marrying someone I’ve known for 11 years. We’ll call him B because he likes privacy. We’ve been an item for almost 3 years, we were on & off and broke up for a few months because we both felt depressed for different reasons, my dog died & some other stuff happened to me and he had his own issues to handle. We just got to the point where there was a lot of hurt on both sides and we needed some space to reflect on our lives. I started seeing someone else for a couple of months and this person seemed like what I wanted on paper but in practice, they were absolutely wrong for me and also toxic; it actually helped me realize how much I really love B and how right he is for me in comparison. 

B loved me when I had nothing. Literally nothing. Everything I’ve achieved, I did so with his love and support. No one has ever selflessly loved me at my worst. The difference between him and every other man I know is that anyone could have done the things he did for me but he’s the only one that did them and also without complaining once. He never does something kind and holds it over my head or throws it back in my face, which people often do. After knowing someone for so long too, they should become your best friend and he is literally my best friend. By every definition, he is the best friend I have.

People say you’ll just know and they’re right. There’s no other way to explain it other than you just won’t have any doubts. You should marry someone who already treats your relationship like a healthy marriage. A lot of respect, communication, acceptance, unconditional love, trust, support etc. When you’ve been with someone for a while and live with them too, it kind of feels like you are married and you just have to think, could I be happy spending the rest of my life like this? The answer for me is, yes. Wait for someone who makes all those commitments for no other reason than because they love you, not because they signed a legal document that implies they have to. I have friends who are engaged and have been with their spouses for the same amount of time or longer, have broken up or threatened to leave, stayed, and still complain about their fiancé / fiancee; I don’t understand starting a marriage with someone you resent, you can’t build something stable on a turbulent foundation. I have nothing bad to say about B, he is a great man and I wouldn’t change anything about him. I could gush about all the things I love about him but I think you just wanted to know how you just know the person is right.

Spend a lot of time with someone, share a life with them, discover all of their weaknesses, and if you love them more, marry them (if you’re into the idea of marriage). After 11 years of knowing him and 3 years of being in love with him, I know what I’m getting in a husband and there isn’t anyone more fit for the title.

Thank you! Goodluck!