Hey!

UNMUTE THIS 💀💀

I’m actually fucking dead. I just… I can’t stop watching this. That fucking triple take at the end gets me every time

Never seen so much emotion from a toy shark.

everyday i wake up and i go “god i’m so tired. i can’t do this anymore.” and then i get up and i continue to do it

lest we forget

hey everybody my cat wants me to tell you all that she's starving and has never eaten before ever in her life, and despite this I'm refusing to feed her for no reason other than that I'm the worst meanest owner ever. plus I deserve to go to hell and also to jail. she wanted to make sure you're all aware who you're supporting this by following me.

I'm fascinated by how the formatting of different social media sites affect how text is read.

For instance, a line break on Tumblr indicates a new idea.

But a reblog break indicates that time has passed.

blood “loss”? well it’s not lost. i know exactly where it went. right over there.

erm achtually

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POV: You never know the difference

The illusion of choice

Some of you want the beurre, the argent of the beurre and the sourire of the crémière 😔

I love the tags on this post

AND YET IT WAS REAL

I watched the part with AOC and he was so strange about it lmao I love hbomberguy so much

IT WAS HBOMBERGUY??

he's always on the strangest shit I love him

Look given how much sleep he was operating on and how much money he raised, he gets to be as weird as he wants

"he's kinda fallen by the wayside" HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ROBLOX_OOF.MP3 ALREADY?

also i want to make it clear that Harris Bomberguy Brewis was fucking congratulated by the fucking Scottish Parliament for his livestream

dude isn't even Scottish

Dude absolutely has not "fallen by the wayside". He just doesn't put out loads of 10-minute videos anymore.

He puts out some of the most vicious, heavily-researched videos out there that take months to put together, like his huge video on the anti-vax movement, which actually got him a shoutout from the reporter who blew the fucking lid off Andrew Wakefield, the scumbag responsible for the whole "vaccines cause autism" lie that's done immeasurable harm to, well, humanity as a whole.

Quality over quantity.

I was lucky enough to be on that stream a couple of times. H. Bomberguy remains one of the best people in the world and that stream shows the power of collective action for a good cause with the goofiest of starting points. Also, make sure to look every TERF like Graham Linehan straight on and ask, sincerely, without malice or recrimination, but with the mightiest need in your voice: "Do you know how to beat Beaver Bother in Donkey Kong 64?"

Play a warlock character who calls himself Vithimorex or something like that. Always mention how grateful you are to your patron, Frank, for the wondrous powers he gives you.

Slowly reveal that the powers you get from Frank are things like “sense of smell” and “verbal communication”. As it turns out, Vithimorex is an extradimensional Thing possessing the person formerly known as Frank. All the eldritch blasts and shadow conjurations are boring powers according to Vithimorex. He can’t wait for the level 14 ability to understand and appreciate music.

Also, I realized something about the name I made up, so here’s a song:

When the moon splits in two and your nightmares come true, Vithimorex...

When the world seems to bleed since the dead god was freed, Vithimorex...

I see somebody hit level 14

This is the best response I’ve ever seen

funniest thing about the thing (1982) is that the titular thing is both a master manipulator who can perfectly replicate anyone but also a big bundle of nerves who flips out and starts screaming and turning into 5000 meat parts at once the INSTANT it’s found out

like at one point the thing replicates a guy who has a heart condition, promptly has a heart attack, and then gets so freaked out by the defibrillator it starts biting people

the thing is a master actor who is absolutely awful at improv and the show keeps going wrong

insane how people think i can just do things. "can you mail me this?" and get killed by the post office desk workers?????!!!?

For added context, people who don’t remember the 1980s, there were a serious of deadly shootings carried out by postal workers against their coworkers.

It was mostly covered by the media as a joke, as I recall.

post office scary

Crows are scary They

Guys I’m really scared of crows now. (q) 

Yeah but have you seen this 

A colleague of my dad’s lives next to a lake, and looked out the window one morning to see a duck trapped in the ice. A crow swooped down. “Oh hell,” she thought, expecting carnage, because crows are opportunists. But the crow chipped at the ice with its beak until the duck was free.

Idk of this counts but a few crows saved me from a magpie swooping attack once ,they’re bros who can tell when magpies are being unreasonable and need to chill

I love crows so damn much. When I was fifteen, I hit a pretty serious bout of depression, to the point I was in my room for months. Well, a family of crows made a nest in a tree outside my window. There were two parents and two chicks. One chick was healthy and strong. One was weak, and had a caw like something being strained. It sounded more like a rooster crowing and so my parents jokingly named him ‘Buck’.Well… months passed and Buck’s sibling was taught to fly. His parents focused on the sibling because the sibling was strong. The father stayed behind to try and teach Buck, but I saw him try to fly, fail, and crash to the floor. His father helped him back up into the tree.

Every day, I would watch Buck from my window until one day I opened it and started talking to him. He was small and gangly and he couldn’t caw right. His feathers were all over the place and I felt a kinship. So I made a deal with him. I told him that if he could do it, if he could fly, then I could find the strength to get up. Well… near the end of the season, after talking with him every day, I finally saw him get out of the nest. He went to the edge of his branch, braced himself, and jumped… and just before he hit the ground, he soared back up into the sky. I cheered harder than I ever had before.

That winter, Buck left the area. I was crestfallen. I felt like I’d lost a friend. But I was so damn proud of him. 

Cut to the next spring? I’m walking up the driveway one day when suddenly I hear a sound… a broken caw. I look up, and Buck is sitting in a tree above my head. He stared at me and puffed his feathers, then hopped down in front of me and cawed again. I was so damn thrilled, and I told him how proud I was of him. He ruffled his feathers and then soared off into his old tree. 

That summer? I heard two broken caws. One from Buck… and one from his chick.

Cut to ten years later? We have a family of crows who all have a very distinct caw and they come here and spend every spring, summer, and fall on our property. Buck still greets me every spring.

that last reply made me wanna cry. that’s so beautiful.

Don’t forget the Russian Crow SLEDDING DOWN A ROOF not once, but twice. 

this one morning i kept hearing really loud caws, i remember it was like 5am, LIKE REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING AND AGGRESSIVE, so loud that i could hear it through a closed window, and i eventually went outside to check it out. there was a crow on my front lawn, it had an injury on its head and couldn’t fly and there were two other crows circling right above it, and they were cawing like mad. 

i tried to get close and take a better look and one of them dived super low and tried to attack me. so i went back in the house and chopped some sliced raw meat and tossed it at him from a distance.

a few more times later, very soon after, they could tell i was trying to help, and did not attack me. i was “allowed” to walk up close and pick him up, he couldn’t drink water properly so i had to dip my finger in a bowl and stick it in his mouth.

i did this few times a day and it went on for about a week before he disappeared, i thought he recovered and left, but he came back the next day and lands on me, and i see him around the block quite often, and he would come sit on my shoulder for a few minutes and then fly away again. i feel like i’ve adopted a son.

Best birbs !!

your son is Beautiful and Strong

every time I see this post it has different crow stories and every time I reblog it again because all crow stories are good stories

Like, I wouldn’t want to be on bad terms with a crow, but they are a really smart animal, they aren’t scary You just want to be nice to them because they will know and they will remember, and they will pay you back if you treat them a certain way.

As a side note, I volunteered at a rehab (Hope for Wildlife), where they were rehabbing a crow with a broken wing–who was named Russell Crow. He kept pulling his bandage off so a sleeve was cut off some old clothing and put on him like a little sweater. 

!!!!

I don’t think I’ll ever not reblog this. This posts makes me cry and smile at the same time.

He’s so handsome!!

people aren't willing to have open and honest discussions about sex horror sex bat sex horror sex vampire sex bat horror vampire sex. there's a stigma.

stigma fangs in your neck LMAO

this reply made me laugh harder than any reply I think I've ever gotten

How did they find the worst audio ever made

Yknow, I watched this without sound. And I saw "I hate you" as a reply, and assumed something awful happened at the end of the video. And then I scrolled down a bit further, and went back up, listened to the audio and I gotta say. I agree with found-sheep.

Watching this without volume and then turning it on is like a sucker punch

This post always disappears for just long enough to make me forget what the audio is and then returns to punch me again

I think about this post every day

ok this is proving my “mole interest” hypothesis because

so you’re telling me the impala discourse is not about giving dean a carsona in the cars cinematic universe

guys stop ur making deanpala cry

So I saw some comments suggesting making Castiel as his 1978 Lincoln Continental Mark V, so I went ahead with it, and then I was like “why not add it into the poster” and then I said, “why not make some Deanpala fanart to go with it” and then it just got carried away and adding a logo, and uh here it is. Midway through drawing this, my partner caught me. I didn't realize he'd come up behind me until he said "that's cute" and my face turned hot and i yelled "DO NOT PERCIEVE ME!"

I wish i'd been drawing porn, tbh

What the fuck is up with borzoi by the way, those fuckers are never just doing dog sit. Those things don't play fetch or bark at the postman they're always looming or being foreboding or predicting the exact date of your death or some shit

I had borzois for 16 years and it's like owning a pale, scrawny Victorian british child who suffered from a wasting disease as a boy. He was beaten severely throughout his youth for expressing excitement, so he's always nervous and needs reassuring around basically everyone, but his meak constitution prevents him from running around the house. Every once in a while you take him to a big field of flowers and he runs like a real boy for just a few minutes before other ghastly children appear over the hill and he hides behind your skirt again. You ask him if he wants to play with the other children and he screws his eyes shut and shakes his head.

Later that night you give him a digestible meal of boiled potatoes and soft aspic. He eats without complaint and then goes to his room to fetch his soft toys to play with. He sits on his knees, waddling them across the floor, not speaking nor betraying any emotion on his face. He takes a bedtime bath without complaint and washes behind his ears. He changes into his nighttime clothes and when you tuck him in and kiss his forehead goodnight, you can hear, so faintly, the rasping in his lungs that betrays that he shan't see his twentieth year