original post feat. @wizzycore's tags that inspired this

Truth is, it reads more like "she can do everything" and "him, it's just Ken"

And ken is a slang used in French that means "to fuck"

So "Him, it's just fucking"

Which I think is even more hilarious

around when I first started dating my boyfriend i bought myself this novelty blanket that looks like a photorealistic tortilla because I am SUCH A SUCKER for novelty shit. when he saw it in person for the first time his eyes lit up, which should have been a warning sign for the indignities to come.

so he’s a first responder and his day shifts start obnoxiously early as far as I, a pampered corporate asshole, am concerned. almost invariably when he’s at my place there will be an alarm at an hour that is downright unconscionable that will make him wake up and roll out of bed to get ready and will simultaneously make me burrow under the pillows grumbling about how surely nobody actually NEEDS their lives saved this early in the morning, after which I will promptly attempt to go back to sleep

he is a clever man and he knows this is when i am most vulnerable to attack.

every single time we do this dance, he quietly dresses, packs up, goes about getting ready to leave, and then when i have juuuust fallen back asleep, he returns with the tortilla blanket. He finds it no matter where I have hidden it.

He then creeps silently up to my side of the bed and uses his superior speed, strength, and reflexes to wrap me up in it incredibly tightly while i am still dazed and sputtering, so that i cannot move my legs or arms and am reduced to humiliating halfhearted magikarp flops that do not deter him from at least attempting to kiss my forehead.

then he goes to my bedroom door, opens it, then pauses, turns around, looks at me, the soft human filling of the facsimile of an enormous burrito he has just constructed, and says in his best romantic lead voice “I’ll see you soon, beans.”

you cannot understand how devastating it is to my ego that i am beans.

Detective Deathmatch: Round One, Match Eleven

Riz Gukgak (Dimension 20: Fantasy High) vs Heiji Hattori (Detective Conan)

Detective Deathmatch: Round One, Match Five

Lieutenant Columbo (Columbo) vs Suichi Saihara (Danganronpa)

@larry-the-demon COLUMBOSWEEP

“Cucuteni Trypillian Goddess" article source

Cucuteni-Trypillian:

The Cucuteni-Trypillian culture, also known as Cucuteni culture (Romania) or Trypillian culture (Ukraine), is a Neolithic archaeological culture which existed from approximately 4800 to 3000 BC, from the Carpathian Mountains to Moldova and Ukraine, encompassing an area of more than 35.000 square km.

Whenever I get a puncture wound I feel so smug towards any tetanus that might be in there. They have no idea about my sick ass vaccinated immune system. While you were crawling in soil my cells were studying Tdap. Now die by the hands of my learnéd warriors.

Animal of the Day!

Cauliflower Jellyfish (Cephea cephea)

(Photo by Derek Keats)

Conservation Status- Unlisted

Habitat- Indo-Pacific Ocean

Size (Weight/Length)- 60 cm diameter

Diet- Zoo-plankton; Small fish

Cool Facts- The cauliflower jellyfish resembles more of a plant than an animal. Despite not having eyes or a brain, these large jellyfish use the sun as its navigator. Descending into the deep during the day and ascending to the surface during the night, their bioluminescence attracts small prey. Despite having a deadly venom that easily kills small zoo-plankton, the spines on their tentacles are too small to pierce a human’s skin. Their main enemies are turtles and humans. Cauliflower jellyfish may not taste like their namesake but they are still eaten as a delicacy.

Rating- 13/10 (A glowy lad.)

assign the poor innocent fool you reblogged this from a fursona

if they already have a fursona you gotta give them a new one

Oh boy I can't wait to log into discord and see what my friends were up to while I was asle-

Shakespeare's Macbeth

this is what every reddit migrant is going through

“Caramelldansen” with every second beat removed

imagine if this post was the only thing left to signify humanity was ever here

the ghost of one specific homosexual cowboy regularly possesses Tumblr gays

male and female are not opposing forces that cancel each other out. you're allowed to be both, at the same time, even, if that's how you feel. you can be a boy who's a girl. you can be a girl who's a boy. same with masculinity and femininity. they're not mutually exclusive. you don't have to sacrifice one to have the other. you dont have to choose one to like and one to hate. you CAN have both, again, if that's how you feel.

for the redditors coming here, this is how we spread news of important events in the world, with a Destiel meme

Right??

Take a minute to watch some well-loved and cared for birds eat seeds/nuts and drink orange juice