ha ha im so silly

I really really want top surgery. Somebody please give me top surgery Now.

🔪 < Here's the knife btw. I'll hold still.

alright here i go

Wh

Where did you get the other knife???

oh i just always have that with me. now stop talking i need to focus

Okay that makes sense 👍

Wait why do you always have a knife on you???

uh. no reason. wait should i put you on anesthetic

That won’t be necessary - evil doctor

oh hey ! three knives for three breasts! that's how many a human has right . i havent seen a human chest since the like 1840s

NO I HAVE TWO??? I'D RATHER NOT HAVE -1 TITS

oh so you already cut one off. that's less work for us to do mr evil doctor!

Hey, can I help? I already have a knife attached to my ass.

Wow! four knives! that's two for each breast, we're set!

guys... guys where's the patient.

Sorry the gods smited them for their swag

they’ll be back at dawn and we can commence the operation

oh. hey. hey do you guys hear that

Uh oh

Does anyone have an extra knife to let them out

ummm.

i have a trowel

Hmmm. Can the bars of spacetime jail be broken with a trowel

i guess we'll have to see. get in the sillymobile we're gonna save indigo from spacetime jail

*casually walks back covered in blood* Hey.

forget about touching grass, i need to touch THE SEA I NEED TO GO INTO THE WATER I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED TO GO IN THERE ⬇️⬇️⬇️‼️‼️‼️

Lol. Everyone in the notes freaking out like 'I live by the sea, don't jump in, it dangerous'.

Like, guys, guys, listen, you don't understand. They don't mean... They want to be... Listen, ok, I grew up on the sea, I've been through hurricanes on trawlers and gale force 9 storms crewing tallships. I've seen enormous waves absolutely destroy boats. I've been caught in riptides while scuba diving and felt the complete powerlessness of it. The sea will absolutely annihilate you, consume you, never give up your body, and not even notice.

I know the power of the sea better than most, however, I know exactly what they mean. Sometimes you see it churning with unfathomable power and all you want is to just get in the sea and have it absolutely fuckin blast you clean. Like sandblast your fuckin soul. Fuckin powerwash your bones clean. Ya know?

Can confirm, getting beat up by the ocean is a religious experience.

‘bread is bad for you’ ‘rice is bad for you’ sorry im not subscribing to the idea that staple grains that have been integral to cultures for centuries are evil. i love you carbs

They did it??? They actually fucking did it???

THIS IS AMAZING

Eating my computer

Crunch

Crunch

Crunch

Keyboard keys for Breakfast,

Dinner,

And Lunch

disney when they spend exactly $2 promoting their new movie and release it during a busy weekend and then it flops

AUTISM RULES.

my favorite thing about jon sims is he’s fundamentally deeply kind. my second favorite thing about him is hes a massive cunt.

Someone made Felonies Georg into a graphic. Bless.

(voice of a man invariably alienated from the human experience): Hey guys

it’s so scary that fish teeth sometimes look like people teeth. you’re not supposed to have that. well maybe piranhas are scared of us having piranha teeth. i will reflect on my human centric worldview (folds my hands behind my back and gazes out at the horizon)

wormless behavior from some of you. absolute lack of dirt and burrowing. rethink 

nice argument, however i have monkeys at typewriters typing your ip out dumbass. as soon as one of them gets it right youre fucking dead

Babe come to the kitchen I made your favourite meal (oil fire)

what if its like atsv and theres multiple timelines/genders/versions of jonah magnus and its the magnusverse

when are we going to see pregnant jonah magnus

Here's to the people who weren't abused by their parents, but whose parents sucked anyways. Here's to people whose parents fucked up raising you out of ignorance and not malice. Here's to the kids whose parents didn't know what to do with you so they did nothing at all. Here's to people whose parents are getting better and growing as people but still hurt you. Here's to every mean comment that wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't come from your mom; here's to awkward family dinners because you're all trying to forget;

here's to you, survivor of a thousand 'not as bad as it could have been' hurts. I see you. You aren't alone.

Tumblr: No NSFW! You know how it is we banned it because of the bots in 2018!

Also tumblr:

lmao

You know how it is then, folks!

MANUAL BLAZE MODE GO

….am I allowed to say “whovians, grab your TARDISes?” You know how it is.

Tumblr loves doing this.  I tried to make a post about the ads that showed actual human penises in them, with screenshots, and it was taken down for violating community guidelines.... unlike the ad, I guess?

detriot become human lethan au...